We sat there quietly, me holding her while she sobbed.  I wondered if this was the first time she had let herself feel her grief.  A week ago she had her family.  Now she had no one.  No one but me and a club of bikers who would, I guessed, do anything to protect her.  In that moment, I knew that I would make damn sure they protected her.  Even if it meant moving back here; the place I had sworn never to return to.

***

Dinner was strained but Brooke, J and I did our best to keep it friendly for Crystal’s sake.  After dinner we moved back to the living room and watched some television.  Crystal was subdued and fairly exhausted so Brooke suggested she have a shower and go to bed early.  She agreed and headed off to the bathroom while Brooke went to clean up the kitchen.  This left J and I alone, and we sat in silence watching the television.  I had no idea what we were watching because my mind was racing with so many questions; not only about Crystal but also about him and me.  He had totally confused me with his angry outburst earlier.

I looked over at him and found that he was watching me.  He didn’t break eye contact, just continued to watch me.  It unsettled me; I didn’t know what he was thinking anymore.  When we were together I used to be able to read him most of the time but now, over two years later, I had no idea what was running through his mind.  Hell, maybe I never knew him as well as I thought I did.  He had, after all, told me to leave just when I thought we had a chance to be together again.

I finally broke the silence.  “Have you guys found Nix yet?”  I went with an easy question.

“No, but Scott’s got a lead so he is chasing that up tonight,” he answered.

“What’s the plan for Crystal?  Do you think she is safe here?”

He dragged his hand through his hair and sighed, “We’ve got two guys watching the house.  We’re doing what we can to keep her safe.”

“How long will she stay here with Brooke?”

“She will be living with Brooke now.  It was what Bec wanted,” he said quietly, keeping a steady gaze on me.  He was watching for my reaction because he knew it wouldn’t be pretty.

I shot out of the chair and turned my angry glare on him.  “What the fuck, J?  Why would she do that?” I yelled at him.

He reacted sharply, standing and grabbing my arm. “Keep your voice down, Madison,” he snapped, “Bec and Brooke were close after you left, it’s definitely what she wanted.”

I yanked my arm out of his grip. “Well, I’m going to be around to help so Brooke will just have to deal with that.”

He looked stunned.  “You’re staying?  For good?”

I nodded, still coming to grips with my decision.  “Yes.”

J just stood there, not saying anything, but I could feel the tension thick in the air.  Again, I could not work out what he was thinking but my heart was seizing up because I was pretty sure he didn’t want me to stay.  And it pissed me off at the same time.  I didn’t want to feel this way; we were done and I had moved on.  Caring what he thought wasn’t in my best interest.  It was time to shut these feelings down.

“Yes, J, like it or not, I am staying so you had better get used to it.  And, first order of fucking business is for my father and brother to tell me what the hell has been going on around here while I’ve been gone.  I’m sick of all this secrecy bullshit.” I turned and stormed out of the house, in desperate need of a smoke.

***

Ten minutes later I was considerably calmer, having had two cigarettes and some time to give myself a pep talk.  J was smart enough to give me that space to get my head together and I was just about to head back inside when he stepped outside.

“You’ve missed a call,” he said, handing me my phone before going back inside.

I checked to see who had called and smiled when I saw it was Serena.  Shit, I was supposed to call her when we arrived.  I called her back and waited for her to answer.

“Bitch, I was worried!” she screeched.

“Honey, calm down.  I’m sorry I didn’t call.  I got sidetracked by Scott and Dad who are being their usual bossy selves.  And, god, don’t get me started on J.”

“Oh, please do get started on J,” she quipped.

I laughed and just like that, she had broken through my anger and hurt and reminded me just how much I needed her in my life.  “He is making me crazy!”

“Mmmm, what is he doing?  Besides getting your girl bits in a tizz?”

“He basically said that if I hadn’t dated Nix, none of this would be happening.  He blames me for Bec and Georgie’s deaths,” I answered her, the words tearing at my heart.

“Wow.  Holy shit.  He might be a hot guy but what an asshole,” she said, “I hope you told him where to go.”

“He caught me off guard.  I never expected him to say something like that to me.  He is confusing the hell out of me.  One minute he says horrible things like that, but at other times it feels like he still cares.  I just don’t know what to make of it.”

“Just keep him at a distance, okay.  Do what you went there to do, and then you can come home and forget all about him again,” she suggested, not realising that this option wasn’t possible anymore.

I sighed.  “I wish I could, honey, but I’ve made a decision.  I’m going to move back here to be close to Crystal and look out for her.”