“You going to pick one?” I motion to the candy in the checkout line as we wait for our turn. His head pops up from my shoulder to investigate the selection. He wiggles for me to let him down. I put him on his feet as his little fingers dance around which candy to get. “Pick one for Mommy, too.” Jax nods, letting me know that he can indeed do that for me. He studies the candy bars as though it’s the most important decision in the world. I smile, knowing that to him it probably is.

“We share.” He grabs a plain Hershey bar first. My eyes drift up to the magazines that are next to the candy bars. I check out the headlines like I’ve done many times. My eyes pause on a specific one when I see the same face I’ve seen a couple times before. Jonas Willits. I don’t know why my attention always focuses on him whenever he pops up, but it does.

There is something about him that catches my eye and piques my curiosity. This time it’s his birthday. I pick up the magazine to see he’s on a yacht in Hong Kong. One that doesn’t look too shabby, to say the least. They are speculating about when he’s going to finally settle down and get married.

I think it’s his eyes. That’s what always get me. They look so much like Jax’s. That’s what it has to be. That depth of blue isn't often seen, but they both have it. I set the magazine back on the rack, shaking myself out of the spell he has over me. This must be one of the celebrity crushes everyone is always talking about.

The kind where you become infatuated with someone you've never met. He isn’t a celebrity, though. He is just another rich man. I am used to those. I work for a very rich man. I tend to be around the wealthy often. If it wasn't for him and his family, I don’t know where I’d be. I wouldn't even know who I was. It’s bad enough I don’t remember anything before having Jax.

“This one?” I look back down to Jax, who is holding up a Twix bar. I smile, taking it from his hand. He doesn't even like Twix, but he knows it’s my favorite.

“Perfect angel.” I take the second candy from him, setting it on the belt. I don’t know what I did to deserve Jax, but it must have been something spectacular.

“Loyalty card?” the cashier asks. I find it on my keychain, giving it to her to scan. I dig through my bag to find some cash and to text Ben that we are ready to be picked up.

“Thanks,” I tell her as she gives me my change. I give Jax the bag with the two candy bars. He takes it before holding his hand out to take mine as we walk out of the store together. Ben pulls up in a black SUV.

“I got it,” I tell him but he’s already out of the car. Jax jumps for him. Ben catches him easily.

“You have fun at the park?”

I smile at both of them. Ben has been such a good influence on Jax.

“I got a candy bar!” Jax informs him.

“You going to share with me?” he asks Jax as he opens the back door to buckle him into the car seat. I hear him say yes as I slip into the passenger seat. I really need to learn to drive. I’ve been putting it off while I saved up for a car. Ben jumps into the driver's side.

“Thanks.” I sigh, leaning back in the seat.

“Anytime.” He gives me a warm smile before pulling off toward the Ward Estate, where we both work and live. I peek back at Jax who is already starting to fall asleep. The picture of Jonas flashes through my mind for a brief second as I stare at my sleeping angel. I shake off the lingering feeling I always get when I see him.

“You really have to teach me how to drive.”

Ben shrugs. “You know I will. Maybe you know how to drive and don’t remember?” he suggests.

I shake my head no. I don’t think I know how to drive. The idea of driving feels overwhelming.

“I don’t think so.” I shrug back. I hate thinking about the black spot in my mind. This emptiness that remembers nothing before waking up in a hospital. Alone. Or I’d thought I was alone until I was told I was pregnant. Not so alone after all. I steal another peek back at Jax.

“He’s out,” Ben says as he looks in the rearview mirror. I don’t know where I’d be without Ben and his wife Mary, who worked for the hospital I’d been transferred to when I couldn’t remember who I was. They had needed to run more intensive testing and said that facility was the best. Ben was the one that got me a job at the Ward estate. It really gave me everything I needed to get back on my feet. A roof over my head while I tried to remember what happened to me and who I was.

Three years later and I still have no idea. I’m not sure I want to know. Sometimes I think that it’s my body’s way of protecting me. As if whatever happened was bad and remembering could put me in danger. I’ve accepted the life I have now and as long as I have Jax, I have everything.

Still, even though my mind tells me this, deep down in my soul, I know I’m missing something.

 

 

Chapter 3

Jonas

 

 

“Unca Jonas, do the monsters get sad at night? Maybe you should leave the door open for them.” Veronica, my five-year-old niece, points to her closet with its double doors firmly closed. We just finished watching Monsters, Inc. and Ronnie is concerned that her new friends might not be able to get the laughter they need to power their little universe. I smooth a hand over her small forehead.

“They need to sleep like you. When you wake up, you can open the doors and let them in.”

“I can’t see them during the day, though. Maybe I should stay up.” She blinks her eyes, valiantly trying to stay awake.

“But then the monsters can’t sleep and they’ll be tired at work tomorrow.”

“Oh,” she says, her voice sad. “I don’t want them to be tired.”

“We don’t want you to be tired, either.” I lean down and press a kiss against her forehead. At five, Ronnie has lost that new baby smell, but now it’s little girl sweetness that makes a corner of my heart squeeze tight. I chase that feeling away with another kiss and give way to Ronnie’s mother.

“Almost time for lights out,” my sister announces. “Anything else you want to say to your Uncle?”

“Unca Jonas, do you like horses?”

“’Course I do.” Ronnie has recently developed an interest in them. My sister’s been calling around to see if five is too young for her to start lessons.

“Do you think a pony would like to live with me?”

I shoot a glance toward my sister to see where I should go with my answer. Melody only gives me a small shrug.

“Any pony would be lucky to live here.”

Ronnie flashes me her gummy, missing one front tooth smile. “Did you know that the best ponies live in a special farm not too far away? I saw it on TV.”

She must be talking about the Ward estate. There was a news special on their farm a couple of weeks ago. It’s been a long time since I saw the Wards. They’ve been breeding horses since the Mayflower landed. Problem is that the Wards are picky about who they sell their horses to, so I don’t want to promise anything to Ronnie. “There are lots of ponies around, not just at this one farm.”

“It’s not one farm, Unca Jonas. It’s a special farm,” she declares in a tone that suggests I’m stupid for not catching on. Before an argument can ensue, my sister makes us say goodnight.