Life isn’t all roses and unicorn farts made of glitter and Chanel No. 5. There are as many downs as there are ups. I need to learn how to manage them.

No one mentions the wedding again during brunch. The entire focus has shifted to the impending birth of Sunny and Buck’s accidental insemination.

One positive is that neither one of them mentions getting hitched before the baby pops. If Sunny and Buck jump on the wedding wagon, it’ll make things more difficult for Alex and me. Not that I wouldn’t understand. But I know Alex would have something to say about them tying the knot first, because Sunny is younger, and Alex likes to be number one, in all senses of the word—except the selfish context. I always come first.

-&-

By three in the afternoon, it’s obvious the number of people in the house has taken its toll on Alex. His sister being pregnant and suddenly planning a baby shower probably hasn’t been helpful, either. So it’s not much of a surprise when he starts nodding off on the couch while people are chatting.

He’s only been home a week. He’s still recovering.

So everyone leaves, except his parents, of course. There’s a conversation brewing. I know this. But Alex isn’t in any state to have it. I rouse him, gently, and get him to amble his way up to the bedroom.

He won’t let me go when he lies down; his one good arm is strong enough to keep me from getting away—not that I would want to do that anyway.

I let him pull me to him. I fully expect him to fall asleep again, but that’s not what happens. He lies there with his arm around me, breathing steadily, but I can tell he’s not out.

“Are you okay?” I ask, opening the door to angry town.

“I don’t know.”

“Because Sunny’s pregnant,” I say it more than ask.

“Yeah. No. I don’t know.” He sighs, and his grip on my waist tightens.

“What don’t you know about?”

His chest rises and falls a few times. “I just…she’s not ready.”

“I don’t think anyone’s ever ready.”

“Miller’s less ready.”

I think about that. About how good Buck is with kids. How patient, how caring. I also consider his dyslexia, which he manages fine, and how that will factor in with a kid, and how likely he is to pass it on. I don’t know the statistics on this kind of thing, but I know it’s something he’ll worry about.

Knowing Buck the way I do, I feel like this is something he’ll be super stressed about. He struggled so much with school and expectations. It’ll kill him if he has to watch his own kid go through the same thing. But his experience will make him able to manage it better. At least I hope it will. I’m sure it will. He’s a beautiful person. Hairy as a motherpucker, but a great human.

“He’ll ask for help if he needs it. He always does. He’ll be an awesome dad.”

Alex is quiet for a while—so long I’m not sure if he disagrees or maybe he’s fallen asleep. “Do you think I’ll be an awesome dad?”

There’s no hesitation in my response. “Of course.” He’ll be doting, wonderful, and probably a whole lot overprotective. Lord help us if we have a girl somewhere down the line. “You know, as much of a shock as it is and how the timing could be better, it could be way worse.”

“How so?” Alex asks.

“Well, first of all, at least it’s not her ex-boyfriend’s baby.”

“You mean Kale?”

“Yeah. That guy’s a dick.”

Alex nods. “He really is. Miller’s a good guy; I know that. I just feel like all this has happened really fast for the two of them, and Sunny has always wanted a career. This is going to put that on hold.”

I repeat Sunny’s words. “Things happen that are beyond our control all the time, Alex.”

He sighs. “I figured we’d have kids before they did.”

I consider that as he strokes the nape of my neck with his thumb. It’s softer than usual, possibly because he hasn’t been on the ice, wearing those gloves, or lifting weights.

As juvenile as it might be, Alex is very much a competitive person. He’s used to being the center of attention all the time, and Sunny has never been one to steal the limelight. Until now. I think I was right. This really is bugging him. “Is this about being first? Or because Sunny’s stealing your spotlight?”

“What?”

I lift my head off his chest so I can look at him. “Is this because Sunny’s younger and doing it first?”

Alex regards me for a long time while he chews on the inside of his lip. “Having kids young isn’t the worst thing in the world.”

I don’t fail to notice he hasn’t answered the question. When all I do is stare, Alex takes the opportunity to explain.

“Think about it, Violet, that kid is going to be out of the house before those two are fifty.”

“And? What does that matter?”

“They’ll have all this time after they retire to do whatever they want. By the time they’re in their forties, the kid will basically be doing his own thing—or her own thing. Think about all that time together. Alone. With no real responsibilities other than making sure the kids don’t fuck up their post-secondary education.”

“Buck dropped out after the first semester of college and Sunny’s going to get a diploma she might never use,” I point out.