“Fourteen,” Rennie said.

He finally looked over at me. I’d been staring into the glass freezers, my arms wrapped around me, pretending not to listen. “I’ve seen you here before,” he said. “You got blueberry last time, right? With sprinkles?”

I nodded.

On the way home I said to Rennie, “I can’t believe he remembered me.”

She said, “Of course he remembered you. There are, like, no Asians on the island.”

I looked at her to see if she was joking, but she was already onto the next thing. It was true that there were hardly any other Asian families on the island. But she’d never brought it up before. My being different from her.

She hooked up with him later that week. It was on a day that I was at the barn. She got mad because I told her I couldn’t go to the beach because I had a horseback-riding lesson. I don’t remember the boy’s name. I couldn’t even get mad about it, because what would I have done with him? It’s not like I would have made out with him on the docks like she did. I wasn’t allowed to go on dates.

The thing I remember about it was how it made me feel when she assumed the only reason he would remember me was my Asianness. Like there was nothing else special or worth remembering about me. The idea prickled under my skin and stayed there for a long time.

CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

Lil mentioned something about maybe hanging out this weekend, but I was still surprised when she texted today asking if Mary and I wanted to sleep over. That was something totally new. I texted back sure, why not, and I dug my sleeping bag out of the garage. I think the last time I went to an actual sleepover was back in the day when I was friends with Rennie.

Pat couldn’t drop me off. Our car was busted again. There were a few guys in our garage. Most of them were drinking. Ricky wasn’t. “Okay. Guess I’ll walk.”

I’m about halfway down the driveway when Ricky comes after me.

“I actually need to gas up my bike, so I can give you a ride if you want.”

I stare him down. “Thanks but no thanks.” I don’t need the charity.

“Kat, wait.”

“What, Ricky?” I make sure I sound bored, uninterested.

“You’re ignoring me. Why? Because I wouldn’t kiss you?”

Damn. He doesn’t beat around the bush. Well, neither will I. “What makes you think I wanted to kiss you? Don’t flatter yourself.”

Ricky laughs. “Um, you pushed me against the wall and you were about two seconds from eating my face off.”

I sneer. Who does this ass**le think he is? “You must have been dreaming.”

“Look. Do you want me to come clean?”

I stop walking and spin around. “Speak.”

“I do like you. I’ve liked you for a while.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Ricky makes a half turn to the garage. “It’s Pat, okay? I tried to come correct, tell him how I felt about you, but he told me to step off.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one to make those decisions?”

“He wasn’t saying it to be a dick. But you know, you’re applying to that fancy college, and I don’t think he wants anything to distract you. Plus, he’s my friend. If he draws that line, I ain’t going to cross it.” He shakes his head. “Anyway, what would we have together? A few months, tops? And then you’d leave? I don’t want to . . . you know, fall for you any worse than I already have.”

Okay, seriously. That is sweet of Pat. But also, what the hell is he doing, sticking his big nose into my affairs? He can’t bother to pick his shit up around the house, but he needs to weigh in on who I can and can’t hook up with?

In some ways it’s a blessing in disguise. ’Cause I like Ricky, but I for sure haven’t fallen for him. Not the way he’s talking about.

I give him a peck on the cheek. “Friends?”

He looks glum, but he offers up a weak smile. “Yeah. Friends.”

Mary’s waiting on the steps when Ricky drops me off. “Hey,” I say. “Why are you outside?”

“Hey, yourself,” Mary says, cocking her eyebrow. “I don’t

think Lil’s home. I’ve been knocking forever, but she hasn’t answered.”

“Huh.”

I ring the bell ad a few seconds later Lil throws the door open and beams a big smile. “Yay! You guys are finally here!” She’s wearing a big Harvard sweatshirt and leggings and thick socks. No makeup. Her hair up in a towel. Guess she was in the shower.

“Thanks for inviting us,” Mary chirps.

We come inside, and it takes me forever to unlace my combat boots. Taking shoes off and on is annoying. The people in my family will pass out in bed with their shoes on.

When I’ve finally got them off, Lillia leads us through the foyer to the kitchen. I lift myself onto the marble kitchen island, and Mary sits at the table.

“So how’d it go last night?” Mary asks.

Lillia tugs on the sleeves of her sweatshirt so her hands disappear inside. “Not awesome. You guys, there’s no way we’re making it to New Year’s Eve. I . . . I think it’s over.”

I roll my eyes. “You’ve said that, like, ten times Lil!”

Lillia shakes her head defiantly. “It’s different this time. I think Reeve was jerking me around me from the start.”

Mary folds her arms. “No way. He’s in love with you, Lil. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”

“Mary, he’s been playing me the same way he played you!”

“All right, all right,” I say. “What happened? Did he not show up to the party?”

“No, no. He came. And things were going well . . .” “And?” Mary leans forward, looking tense as hell.

Lillia’s face turns pink. “See, we had this talk the other day. About taking things public. Letting our friends know we’re together. He was the one who was pushing for it!” She bites her bottom lip. “So when I saw an opportunity last night, I went for it. In front of everyone. Alex. Rennie. Everybody.”

Wow. I have to hand it to Lil. She really is all in. Girl went the extra mile.

“But then he freaking denies me. He leaves me hanging in front of everyone!” Lillia turns to Mary, her eyes wide. “All night I thought about you, Mary. And that day on the ferry. How humiliated you must have been.” She shakes her head. She can’t even finish her thought.

“And he pulled the same exact shit with you,” I say.

“Pretty much!” Lillia bites her bottom lip. “And then, to add insult to injury, Rennie pretended someone put something in her drink so Reeve had to take her home. He said he was going to come back, but then he didn’t.”

That for sure sounds like a Rennie move. And then I wonder—will Lil feel weird about Rennie coming over to my house yesterday trying to make amends? I’m about to tell her about it, but like a downplayed version minus the tears, when Mary says, “Rennie’s a witch.”

Lillia looks like she still can’t believe it. “I don’t even care about Rennie. Reeve’s a world-class manipulator. Every single thing that comes out of his mouth is a lie.” She swallows. “Not that I haven’t been lying too, obviously. But if this whole thing had been for real, I could’ve gotten hurt, you know?” Then she lets out a long sigh. “The way I tried to defend him to you guys that day in the bathroom. God, he totally had me fooled!”

“Player got played,” I say, nodding. “Damn.”

To Mary, Lillia says, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t make this happen for you. I tried though. I really, really did.”

“Lillia, don’t talk like that,” Mary protests. “I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done. It couldn’t have been easy for you to pretend the way you did for so long.”

Lillia’s eyes flutter. “Whatever. It’s no skin off my back.” And then she downs the rest of her drink.

Mary tugs on a lock of her hair. “I can’t believe it. Things were going so well. The kiss in the parking lot . . .”

“I know,” Lillia says. “He’s even invited me to his family’s open house tomorrow.”

“Wait, Reeve invited you to his open house?” This is the first I’m hearing of this. “I used to go to that shit back in the day.”

“Yeah, well, clearly that’s not happening.” Leaning her elbows up against the counter, Lillia asks, “What is an open house anyway?”

“People in the neighborhood stop by and kick it throughout the day.” I pick at my nails. “My mom and dad took me a couple of times. You watch football, trim the tree, eat food.” Then I look up and say, “Yo, it would seem to me that if Reeve’s inviting you to this, it’s a BFD. How many girls do you think he’s ever introduced to his mom?”

“I’ve met his mom before,” Lillia says. “We’ve hung out at his house plenty of times.”

I wave her off. “Yeah, but this would be in the context of, ‘Mom, Dad, Grandma, Uncle Chris, Aunt Linda, this is the girl I’m seeing.’ I doubt he’s ever done that before.” Lil opens her mouth to argue and I add dreamily, “Reeve’s mom is a bomb-ass cook. . . . Every year she makes this sick chowder with scallops and all kinds of seafood. Like shrimp, clams . . . Speaking of which, do you have anything to eat? I’m starving.”

Lillia rummages around her fridge. “I’ve got leftover pizza, Brie, hummus.”

“I’ll take some Brie,” I say. I never say no to cheese.

“What about you, Mary?” Lillia asks, setting a wedge of Brie on a wooden cutting board. She goes to the cupboard and brings back a box of water crackers and a jar of Nutella.

“I’m not hungry,” Mary says, keeping her head down. “I just can’t believe it’s over.”

I look at Lillia. Because I’m not sure sure either. I would have bet my life on the fact that Reeve liked her. Then again, I wasn’t here last night.

Lillia rolls her eyes. “It is what it is. And I’m glad it’s over with. Now I don’t ever have to be nice to Reeve Tabatsky again for the rest of my life.” She picks up the remote. “Let’s watch a movie, something girly.”

I groan and Lillia throws a pillow at my head.

We’re in Lillia’s room, listening to music and talking. It’s getting late; it’s almost two in the morning. Mary’s lying on the floor with her blond hair fanned out around her. Abruptly she says, “Do you guys think Rennie and Reeve hooked up last night?”

Lillia gasps, and I nearly cough up the beer I nabbed from the fridge. “No way!” Lillia says.

“Why not?” Mary wants to know.

“Because,” Lillia sputters, “there’s no way. Hello, her mom was home! And also . . . I don’t think Reeve would do that.”

“Psh, Reeve is a man whore,” I say. “He would totally do that. He’s totally done that. Like, multiple times. Get it?” I bust up laughing, but Mary and Lillia don’t laugh with me. Mary just looks confused.

Delicately, Lillia dips her finger into the jar of Nutella. “Your innocence is special. That’s why you have to be careful. Mary, promise me that you won’t just hook up with some random guy unless you know you can trust them.”

I roll my eyes and take a swig of my beer. “Chill out. Mary’s still in the V club like you, so don’t you worry.”

Lillia goes still all of a sudden. Her face is white.

“What’s wrong?” I ask her. “What did I say?”

Lillia shakes her head. She looks like she’s going to cry.

“It’s okay,” Mary whispers. “You don’t have to say.”

Lil’s voice comes out strangled. She can’t even look at us. “I’m not a virgin anymore. I—I lost it to some guy I didn’t even know.”

I’m sort of in a state of shock. Lil? Hooking up with a rando? “For real? You? I could never picture you hooking up with a random dude. I thought you were saving it till marriage!”

Tears start rolling down her cheeks, and I feel like a dirtbag. Mary gives me an admonishing look, and I shrug back helplessly. What’s wrong with me? Why do I always say the first stupid shit that pops into my head?

“I was saving myself,” Lillia chokes out. “Maybe not till marriage, but at least for someone I loved. Someone who loved me.”

I reach out and give her leg a sympathetic squeeze. “My first time sucked too, Lil. It was in this guy’s basement, and his mom kept banging on the door because she wanted him to mow the lawn.”

Lillia cries harder. Her shoulders shake, and her hair covers her face.

I don’t know what to say to make her feel better. Hurriedly I add, “You know what? I think that even if it’s with someone you love, the first time still basically sucks.”

“But—I don’t even remember it,” Lillia weeps. “I was too drunk. I didn’t even want to do it. I—I kept calling out Rennie’s name for help, but she didn’t answer.”

Mary and I look at each other in horror. Oh my God. “Lil, that was rape,” I say. “That wasn’t just a bad first time. That was straight up-rape.”

She’s shaking her head. “No, it wasn’t like that. I didn’t, like, push him off of me.”

“You didn’t push that effer off because you were too drunk!” I yell.

The louder I yell, the quieter Lil gets. Her voice sounds feeble when she says, “He was drunk too. I don’t even know if he heard me say no, that’s the thing.” She’s curled up, hugging her knees to her chest, her hair falling around her face. “I doubt he thinks it was rape. I don’t even know if I think it was rape. I went upstairs with him; I kissed him back; I let him do all that stuff. I didn’t scream for help or anything.”