“And you're right—with what you always tell me,” she adds, “I deserve to be loved. I deserve for someone to love me the way I've loved you. And I can't do that with you in my life. Not to the extent that you are. And not for a while.” She tilts my head up and kisses me once, her entire demeanor calmer now. Unlike me. I’m on the edge of falling apart. “I'm going to sleep in Chase's room. I'll leave early in the morning. I'll come by to say goodbye. Just…leave a note on your door or something if you have a girl in there. I don't think I could…”

“You should have let me talk first,” I whisper.

She hugs me quickly and when she pulls back she says, “Is it still relevant?”

I shake my head slowly, my eyes roaming her face—knowing full well it could be the last time. “Not anymore.”

She smiles sadly before swigging the rest of her drink. Then she stands up, crunches the solo cup in her hand and throws it over the roof. “Have a good night,” she says, patting my shoulder and walking back inside. I stare straight ahead; too lost, too broken, too afraid to face her.

CHAPTER TWELVE

I don't know how long I spend on the roof drowning in my sorrow and self-loathing. How the hell could I have not seen it? Why the fuck didn't she say something earlier? Why didn't I?

There's no way I can sleep, so I head back to the party and put on a facade like my world hadn't just ended, or like my heart hadn't been crushed, and like my future…well, I don't really know how it'll exist without her.

“You good, Prez?” Chase asks, standing beside me while a crowd gathers to watch the fatogram stripper we'd all chipped in for. Shem likes them on the chubby side. Good for him.

“I'm fine.” I look over his shoulder. “Where's Allie?”

“She's in my room sleeping. I've locked the door so no one can bother her. I'm surprised she can sleep with all this going on.”

“Yeah, she was pretty wasted when I saw her. She'll probably pass out.”

“She wasn't drinking tonight,” he says.

My brow pinched. “Pretty sure she had a drink in her hand the entire night.”

“Yeah. She said that way guys wouldn't offer her drinks all night.”

“Huh.” So she lied. She was completely sober when she confessed. “So she told you all this?”

Chase nods as he watches Shem's face between the tits of the stripper. “Bollocks, lads! I'm about to blow my wad!” he shouts.

Chase turns to me as the rest of the boys cheer. “She said she hasn't been drinking for a few months now. Something about a new life,” he says with a shrug. “I don't know. I mean you know her better than anyone, right?”

“Apparently not.”

***

I listen to the party unwind from the confines of my room—where the walls cave in and I'm trapped in my own thoughts. The sun has just started to rise when there's a knock on my door. I get up from my lying position on the floor—because I don't want to be in a bed where memories of Allie flood my mind. “Hey…” she raises her hand in a wave.

“Hi.”

“I just came to get my stuff.”

“You're leaving this early?”

“Yeah. I think it's best.”

With a nod, I open the door wider for her. She glances at my bed quickly—it's still made up, completely untouched.

“You haven't been to bed yet?” she asks.

I don't respond. I just watch her gather her things, including the toothbrush and hair and make-up shit she keeps here. I was hoping that maybe she'd changed her mind about needing some time. Clearly she hasn't. I stay quiet while she packs her bags and when she's finally done, she turns to me. She doesn't say anything. She just stands there looking at me.

And the words I'd wanted to say—the ones I'd been holding onto—they don’t seem to matter anymore. “I'll walk you out.”

I take her bags from her when she's near enough and wait for her to lead the way. The house is silent but for a few loud snores and some random pig in the living room.

Once we're at her car, she opens the trunk for her bags. I slowly place them in there, trying to delay her departure. But there's only so long you can pretend to rearrange two bags. “It's good, Ty,” she says, placing her hand on my arm to stop my little charade.

“Sure?”

“Yep.”

I reach into my pocket and pull out some cash. “I forgot to give you your gas money yesterday.”

“Oh, it's okay.” She shakes her head and takes a step back.

I hold onto her arm and place the money on her palm. “It's only fair. I asked you to come here. I told you I'd cover it.”

Her eyes move from her hand to mine. They're clear as day.

I decide to test her. “How you holding up today? You were a hot-mess last night.”

“Yeah…about that…”

I cross my arms and wait for another confession.

“I was pretty buzzed when we talked last night. I mean, I remember everything I said, but I think you wanted to say something to and I just got so overwhelmed that I didn't let you—”

“It's not important,” I cut in, hiding my disappointment in her.

She lied.

Again.

“Even so, I should've listened. What was it?”