“I’ll leave the pack in front of the door. I’ll come back later, Green. We’ll watch a film together, okay?”

Don’t go.

The words slipped to the tip of my tongue, but I bit down on a mouthful of crisps to stop them from escaping.

I jumped up and watched him from the window as he headed to Aiden’s house down the street.

He really left.

 

 

Xan returned a while after and asked if I forgave him. I said yes, if he’d find Luna for me.

Which brings us to now.

Walking outside in the cold is his punishment for leaving me earlier. Once he spends some minutes out there, I’ll forgive him.

Silver said she came around here with her dad and that it was so freezing, she felt the cold and even sensed ghosts.

I grin.

Ghosts are good. Xan will be scared and –

Oh, no.

Ghosts.

Ever since Xan disappeared with Aiden and Cole three years ago, he doesn’t like to be left alone in unknown places.

I heard Uncle Lewis talking to Dad back then, and he said bad people kidnapped them. It took Xan two days of walking through an unknown forest until he could come home.

He snuck into our house through the servants’ entrance, got into my room, and slept with me for a month after that.

Although he didn’t like to talk much about that time with others, he told me how much it scared him to be alone out there.

That he called for his Mum’s help, even though he knew she wouldn’t come for him anymore.

I cried for him then. I just wrapped my arms around him and cried.

His pain is mine.

I feel it worse than he does because while he was simply telling the story, I felt every lash of cold against his skin and every tear he shed while he called his mother’s name in that unknown dark place.

I might have also kicked and screamed in my head at the people who took him to that place.

That’s how much I’m connected to him.

Why did I think it was a good idea to bring him to the cold and expose him to a situation similar to the one from that time?

Jumping to my feet, I follow the path he took. Twigs crunch under my shoes and I flinch as if someone grabbed me by the shoulder.

“Xan,” I call, keeping a straight line.

The more I walk into the forest, the colder it becomes, just as Silver said. Or maybe I’m imagining it.

“Xan, come out! Luna is home.” My voice breaks and I swallow.

There’s no trace of him, no matter how deep I get in.

“Xan!!” Tears fill my cheeks and my chest squeezes so hard, I’m afraid it’ll burst. “I’m so sorry! I won’t do it again. Please!”

I’m running now, my feet moving of their own accord as I cover all the road I know and even into a road I’ve never been on before.

There’s no trace of him.

I stop in the middle of the forest, tears streaming down my cheeks and slipping into my mouth. My unsteady legs barely carry me as I watch my surroundings, empty and desolate, and without him.

“Xaaan!”

What have I done?

After what seems like half an hour of fruitless searching, I go back home. I don’t know how I do it, but I manage.

Uncle Lewis parks at his driveway the moment I reach our street. Mum went out for a meeting with her agent, so it’ll take her a long time to return.

Not that she would care.

“Uncle! Uncle!” I run up to him and he meets me halfway, a frown creasing his brow.

“Xan is in there and he didn’t come back. He’s…he’s…” I’m breathing so harshly, I’m skipping over words and unable to form a coherent sentence.

Uncle Lewis grabs both my shoulders with his comforting hands and watches me with a calm, soft expression. “Take a deep breath, Kim, and speak slowly. Let’s try it, in, out. In. Out.”

I follow his instructions, inhaling and exhaling as slowly as I can. When I can speak, I blurt, “Xan disappeared into the forest, Uncle. I can’t find him.”

“Disappeared how?”

“He was searching for Luna,” I sob. “But she’s already home.”

“Okay, I’m sure he didn’t go far. Breathe, Kim.”

I nod frantically. “Please find him.”

I’ll do his homework for a year. I’ll give him all my M&M’s and even clean his room.

As long as he comes back, I’ll do anything for him.

“Angel?”

My breath hitches at Dad’s voice. He crosses the street as his driver closes the door.

If Dad is already home, that means it’s getting late.

Uncle Lewis straightens as Dad reaches us. My daddy is tall with sandy blond hair and rich brown eyes and he looks like the models from Silver’s magazines. He’s wearing his perfect suit that Marian spends a lot of time perfecting.

“Daddy!” I hug his waist, ruining his suit with my tears. “Please find Xan.”

“What happened to Xan?” His gaze strays from me to Uncle Lewis. They exchange a look I don’t understand as I repeat the gibberish from earlier.

“It’s my fault,” I cry. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t say that, Angel.” Dad strokes my hair behind my ear and kisses my forehead. “Let’s find him and I’m sure he’ll forgive you.”

“I’m sure,” Uncle Lewis echoes with a smile.

The three of us go back to the forest and search together. We go to where Xan and I were and try to cover the directions he could’ve taken.

All the way, I cry as Dad and Uncle Lewis tell me it’s okay and that we’ll find him.

We don’t.

The late afternoon turns into dusk and soon enough, the night starts to fall.

I don’t stop crying. Every time the tears begin to dry up, I think about the amount of fear Xander must be in and then a new wave hits me.

What have I done? What have I done?

“I’ll take Kim home,” Dad tells Uncle Lewis.

“What? No!” I shriek. “I’m not leaving until I find Xan.”

“Maybe he went to his house.”

“Ahmed would’ve called Uncle Lewis if he had,” I insist.

Dad hugs me to his side as he addresses Uncle Lewis, “Call the police. This could be another case like the other time.”

“I doubt it. He wasn’t the target back then, Aiden was.” Uncle Lewis sighs, his gaze straying towards me. “But yes, take Kim home. It’s getting cold.”

I struggle against Dad as he tries to drag me away. “No, Daddy. I have to find him.”

“You can’t, Angel.” Dad’s jaw tightens under the late dusk sun and I don’t know why that makes me cry harder.

I wiggle free from his hold before he can trap me in again.

“Kim!” he calls and his footsteps sound behind me.

No idea where I’m running, but I don’t stop.

I trip and slide down a small hill. My knee burns and stings, but I stand up and continue running.

“Xaaan!” I scream at the top of my lungs. I’m crying and running and heaving.

It’s almost like that time when Nana left me and I knew I’d never see her again.

Only, now, it’s worse because I’m the reason behind his disappearance.