His thumb leaves my lips and I exhale, thinking it’s finally over.

“The right green eyes,” he slurs.

“W-what?”

My breathing cuts off when he cradles my cheeks with both his hands and brushes his lips against mine. Once. Twice.

It’s soft, so soft, I think I’m going to die from the feeling of it. I never thought Xander’s lips would be this soft. Not once have I imagined our first kiss would be this gentle, heartbreaking even.

First kiss, if we don’t count the smooches we had as kids.

He groans deep in his throat as he possesses my lips and turns me around, slamming me against something hard, a tree.

Tingles erupt down my spine as I open my mouth with a moan. Xander loses all softness then. His tongue finds mine and he kisses me with a ferocity that leaves me soundless, breathless, and boneless.

I wrap my hands around his nape, letting them get lost in his thick hair as he grabs my face tighter, kissing me harder and faster, like it’s the first and the last time, like he has to run right after this.

From the outside looking in, it must seem like he’s sucking my soul out of my mouth, and that’s probably what he’s doing.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think he’d kiss me, or that he’d be this passionate about it, as if I was the only kiss that matters in his life and –

As fast as he starts, he wrenches away from me with a deep, pained growl.

My back is still against the tree, my legs shaking, and I couldn’t move if I wanted to.

He glares down at me like I’m his worst enemy before he runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck!”

He kicks a pebble, facing away from me as if my mere view repulses him. “Fucking fuck.”

“What the hell?” I murmur out loud, although I mean to say it internally.

He’s at my face again, his eyes glimmering with deep-seated rage, and this time, he looks about ready to unleash it on me. “Don’t you ever, and I mean ever tempt me again.”

“What?”

“Get the fuck out of my sight. Your face disgusts me.”

A sob catches in my throat as his same words from that day years ago cut me open all over again.

He started to mend those wounds only so he could rip them open.

I hate him.

I hate him.

I hate him so fucking much.

“Now!” he growls and I don’t have to be told twice as I turn on my heels and run out of the garden.

My lips are swollen, heart slaughtered, and head swimming with that memory from seven years ago.

 

 

11

 

 

Kimberly

 

 

Age eleven

 

 

“Over there?” Xan points at the path between the trees.

“Yeah,” I say without smiling, even though I want to. Badly. “Go fetch her.”

“Luna!” he calls for our cat as he disappears behind the trees. “Come out!”

His voice slowly fades, and I huff, throwing green M&M’s into my mouth. I’ll leave all the other colours for Xan.

Luna isn’t there. She’s at home sleeping by the fireplace – his, not mine. Mum would kill me before allowing me to have any pet.

But Uncle Lewis let Xan have Luna and after that, she became our cat.

She’s not missing, but I told Xan to come look for her because he was being a meanie. Since he hates the cold, I brought him out when it’s about to snow.

I sit at the rock at the entrance to the forest and grab a stick, then twirl it on the ground as I wait.

Earlier, I told Xander how much I hate being Mum’s daughter and that she’s stopping me from eating my favourite food.

“Ignore her; you’re beautiful,” he said while he was watching Kirian sleeping.

“I am?” I asked, staring at him with wide eyes.

His cheeks turned red before he nodded. “You’re the most beautiful girl I know.”

“Even more than Silver?”

“More than anyone.” He clutched Kir’s finger and my baby brother curled his fist around it.

That couldn’t be true; he was lying to me. Everyone says Silver is a Barbie doll with her golden blonde hair and pale blue eyes. She’s always elegant and majestic, while I’m just…me.

Fat and ungraceful. And I have some blemishes that won’t go away.

“You’re lying.” I pouted.

“Why would I lie to you, Green?”

My face heated and I twirled a strand of my hair. “You don’t think I’m fat?”

“No.” His sky-ocean eyes met mine. “You just like to eat and I like it when you eat.”

I hit his shoulder with mine. “Can you go with me to the grocery shop?”

“Later. I’m meeting Aiden and Cole for a football game.”

“But you did that last week.”

“We do that every week, Green.”

“But why? Who will keep me company?”

“You have Kir.”

“He’s a baby and I don’t think he understands when I talk.”

“I have to go.”

“You can’t do that.”

“Of course I can.” He pulled his hand from Kirian’s fist. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, Green.”

I frowned, my forehead turning painful. He’d been saying all these things lately that made me want to punch him.

Since that day Mrs Knight left and never returned, Xan and I had become best friends. We had done everything together and had shared all our lives with each other.

Then he decided Aiden and Cole were more important than me.

“You can go meet Silver,” he said, watching me closely.

“Who I meet is none of your business.”

He pushed me out of Kirian’s room so we wouldn’t wake him up. Outside, he crossed his arms. “What are you being so angry about?”

“You don’t know?” I threw my arms around.

“No.”

Stupid tosser.

I wanted to be with him, but he wanted to be with his stupid friends. In that case, he could go to them and leave me alone.

I stormed to my room and slammed the door shut. I flopped on my bed, fuming, and attacked a bag of crisps I hid under the covers after Mum came to check on my room.

A moment later, a knock sounded on the door. “Open up, Green.”

His voice was steady, pleading even, and it almost made me want to let him inside.

I didn’t, of course.

Not until he knew what he did wrong.

“You’re being a baby,” he said.

“So leave me alone.”

“I don’t want you angry.”

Then don’t go to your stupid friends.

Whenever I was alone, my house felt so empty, like a horror film I had watched with Silver the other time. Ghosts had come out and had tried to suck the life out of any human in there.

Xan was the only one who kept those ghosts away when Dad wasn’t around. I didn’t want to be alone with Mum. She always looked at me as if she wished she’d never given birth to me.

Being with her was the worst, most real nightmare I’d ever had.

“I handpicked green M&M’s for you.”

My mouth watered, but I didn’t reply.