I open my mouth and she shoves the cracker in, her finger-tips touching my lips and almost lingering there until I close my mouth. It feels like an intimate moment, but that’s nuts. She was just feeding me a cracker, not trying to flirt.

Tell my body that. It’s been reacting since she touched me with those feminine fingertips that totally betray her football-tough-girl image.

She holds out another cracker. I’m tempted to take it, but I don’t want those fingertips anywhere near my lips again. Her rule of no kissing or touching is cemented into my brain.

“I’m good.”

“Suit yourself.” She opens her mouth wide and squirts cheese directly into her mouth.

Keeping Ashtyn at a distance is what I need to do, even though I sense an undercurrent of something I can’t put my finger on . . . and don’t really want to. No kissing or touching. I glance over at Ashtyn. She’s licking some cheese off her top lip and has no clue she’s driving me insane.

She shrieks and braces both her hands on the dashboard. “Derek, you’re about to hit a squirrel!”

Shit! I quickly swerve to avoid the thing, the tires screeching as the car jolts us sideways.

“Did you hit it?” she asks in a panic, looking in the rearview mirror.

“No.”

She shakes her finger at me, the same one that was on my lips a few minutes ago. “Pay attention to the road. You could’ve killed us.”

I’m not the one who tested the no-touching rule. I grab the can and toss it in the back. There, now I won’t be distracted.

She lets out a frustrated cry. “What was that for?”

“So I can concentrate on the road.”

She shakes her head in confusion, but if she thinks I’m about to explain why I tossed the can of cheese in the back, she’ll be waiting forever. Some things need to be left unsaid. With nothing to put on her crackers, she shoves the rest in her backpack, which I’ve got no doubt is filled with more crap.

I stop for gas and hand the keys to Ashtyn. She drives while I knock out in the passenger seat. I wish I was back in my dorm, where all I worried about was how I was gonna make it through the summer without being summoned into Crowe’s office. When I was a freshman, I had it all planned out. I’d go to college and play ball.

Everything changed after my mom died.

My brain reaches into the flood of memories locked up like a safe inside my head. I can still hear the familiar sound of my mom laughing in the kitchen with a stained towel around her head after she dyed the ends of her hair blue. It was my dad’s favorite color and she wanted to be reminded of him every time she looked in the mirror. He was deployed and she was bored and lonely.

A few months later she got diagnosed with cancer and lost all that hair.

All those times my mom had go to her chemo treatments when I was at school sucked. When her hair started falling out, I found her crying in the bathroom as she looked into the mirror at the massive bald spots and clumps of hair in her brush.

Two days later she held up my dad’s clippers and told me to finish the job. I shaved my own head right along with hers, but it didn’t prevent her from tearing up the entire time. If I could have fought that cancer for her, I would have.

But there is no negotiating with cancer.

I took care of my mom, but it wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t save her and I wasn’t there when she took her last breath. I know she would’ve wanted me to be there. I was the only family member around, and she died alone because I was at football practice and got to the hospital too late.

I should’ve been there, but I wasn’t.

There’s a long stretch of silence as we drive for hours. After we stop for lunch, I take over the wheel and head for the campground. Ashtyn is leaning against the window, looking out at the farmhouses we’re passing. Ashtyn points out a guy pushing a girl on a tire swing outside one of the houses. “That’s romantic,” she says, sighing loudly. “Derek, have you ever had a girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

I haven’t thought about Stephanie in a long time. We’d gone to homecoming together sophomore year, and afterward she gave me her garter and her virginity. She said we’d be together forever, and at the time I believed it. “I moved to California and she lived in Tennessee. We tried to make the long-distance thing work, but that didn’t last long.” Forever ended up to be seven months.

“When did you know it was over?”

“When I found out she was screwin’ my best friend.”

Chapter 32

Ashtyn

“Ashtyn, wake up. We’re here.”

I’m not really awake, and just want to go back to sleep. That’s not going to happen, because Derek pats me soundly on the shoulder.

“I’m up,” I say groggily.

He keeps patting me on the shoulder until I sit up and look out the window. In front of us is a big sign that reads:

HAPPY CAMPER CAMPGROUND

Where nature nurtures you!

Oh, goodie. Nature. Should I mention that I’m not fond of spiders, and just hearing the sound of crickets creeps me out? “Umm . . . why don’t we ditch the camping idea and go to a hotel? Between your gambling money and my meager savings, I’m sure we can scrape up enough to stay at a decent place.”

“Gambling money?”

“Don’t act all innocent. Monika found a bunch of money stashed in your boot and poker chips in your suitcase.”

“So that makes me a gambler?”

“Yep.”

“Listen, Sugar Pie. Don’t be a diva and be quick to judge other people.” He steps out of the car and heads toward a sign that reads REGISTRATION AND GENERAL STORE.

A guy at the front desk greets us with a crooked, toothy grin as he produces a site registration form. Soon we’re assigned a small campsite with running water and electricity.

While Derek buys a bundle of wood and matches, I buy hot dogs and buns. In the end, I splurge and buy stuff to make s’mores. As long as I’m stuck here, I might as well make the best of it.

Outside, Derek leans against the car while checking the map for our campsite location. He has no clue that two girls sitting on top of the picnic bench a few feet away are staring at him like he’s some sort of conquest.

He peeks into my bag. “What’d you buy for dinner?”

“If you’re thinking I got organic turkey burgers or flax seeds, you’ve got another thing coming.”

“What about apple cider vinegar?”

“For what?”

“A detox.”

I look him up and down. “You don’t need a detox, Derek. You need hot dogs.”

His response is a laugh. “Let’s pitch the tent and make a fire so I can fill up with those nitrates. Yum.”

“You’re seriously getting on my nerves.”

“That’s the point, Sugar Pie.” Derek drives down the winding gravel road until we reach campsite number 431. It’s got a few trees, but mostly it’s an open, flat grassy area. “Home sweet home!” he announces.

A couple of our neighbors are playing football, a family is cooking over a fire, and a few girls are sunbathing in bikinis.

Derek practically jumps out of the car and pulls our tent out of the back.

I read the description on the side of the box. “This is for three people.”

“Right. We’re two people, with a tent for three. We’ll have plenty of room to stretch out.”

I’m not convinced. “This looks small, Derek. I don’t think my blow-up bed will fit very well in this thing.”

“Blow-up bed?”

“Yep. I need to be comfortable.”

Being around guys in close quarters is second nature to me. I’ve had to sleep on the bus with the guys when we’ve traveled long distances for games, and I’ve been in the locker room when most of them were half-dressed. But this is different. I have to be in a tent with a boy I have a crush on who I don’t want to have a crush on.

Derek pulls out the tent and spreads it on the ground.

“Need help?” I ask.

“Nope. I got it.”

I sit on a tree stump and watch Derek expertly pitch the tent. It’s hot, even though the sun is going down. He takes off his shirt and wipes sweat from his face with it. When he shoves part of his shirt into the waistband of his jeans, his deep blue eyes meet mine and I feel butterflies in my stomach.

I look away, not wanting him to know I was admiring his naked, bronzed chest and perfect physique. I feel guilty for looking.

The domed tent is green with a purple racing stripe going down the side like a sports car. Most sports cars are bigger than our tent. Most closets are bigger than our tent. All the tents around us are bigger. When Derek refuses to put the blow-up bed I brought in the tent, I lug it in there and inflate it myself. It takes up most of the space, but at least I’ll be comfortable.

In the woods, I gather little sticks to kindle the fire as Derek places firewood in the pit. One of the guys in the campsite next to ours tosses a football near me. On instinct, I drop the sticks and catch the ball.

“Whoa,” a boy with curly blond hair says. “Nice catch.”

I throw it back in a perfect spiral. Curly’s friend, who’s got a tattoo of a skull on his forearm, says, “Good throw. What’s your name?”

“Ashtyn.”

“I’m Ben. Where you from, Ashtyn?” the guy with the tattoo asks.

“Chicago.”

Curly waves me over. “Want to hang with us?”

Derek looks ready to intervene, as if I need some hero to rescue me if I get myself into trouble. I don’t need his help. These are just a few guys having fun. “Maybe I’ll meet up with you guys later.”

When I come back to our site, Derek shakes his head.

“What?” I ask.

“You fell for it.”

“Fell for what?”

He nods in the direction of Ben and his friends. “Those guys were checkin’ you out way before that ball was thrown your way, Ashtyn. It wasn’t an accident.”

I arrange the sticks in the fire pit along with the wood Derek bought. “So?”

He kneels down and starts to light the kindling with a lighter. “So I’m gettin’ paid to drive you, not to babysit you.”

“I don’t need a babysitter. I don’t need anyone.”

He shakes his head and sits back on his heels. “That’s what you think.”

Chapter 33

Derek

Ashtyn really got pissed at my babysitting comment, like it was some huge insult. Now she won’t talk to me. After we ate the hot dogs, she climbed into the tent and hasn’t peeked her head out since. Will she still ignore me when we have to sleep next to each other?

“Can we join you?” comes a female voice from the campsite next to ours. “Our fire went out and we’re out of wood.”

Three girls, all wearing St. Louis Cardinals T-shirts and bikini bottoms, walk up to me. They’ve all got super long straight hair. One has a stripe of her hair dyed pink.

“Sure.” I help bring their chairs around our fire.