“Slime.”

“Slime,” I repeat on a horrified whisper, spinning around to look at my sister. When her eyes meet mine, I raise a brow, watching her shrug one shoulder in response. Weak, I mouth, and she rolls her eyes before going back to her call. She is weak, if you ask me. When I saw slime had come back, I was the first to buy it, having no idea that the fun gunk from my childhood had mutated and become something that no one can control. I gave a half-gallon bucket of the stuff to my nieces, as any good aunt would do. It was a disaster. The neon-pink goo had spread from one end of the house to the other, getting stuck to places and in places slime has no business being. After that last experience, Cece and I vowed we would never let the girls have slime again. I guess that didn’t include Ruby making her own.

I take the whisk from my niece and tap it on the side of the bowl before setting it on the counter, ignoring the puddle it’s leaving. “How about,” I start without acknowledging her pout, “we let this sit for a few, so it can reach maximum stickiness, and watch a movie?”

“Frozen 2?” she asks with a happy look on her face while both her sisters groan in disapproval. I don’t blame them. I think I’ve watched the movie more than anyone ever should. No matter how adorable Olaf is or how catchy the songs are, there is only so many times one person can watch it before they are admitted into an insane asylum.

“I was thinking we should watch something new.” I carry her around to the couch and pick up the remote for the TV.

“Like what?” she asks. Standing on the cushion while wrapping her arms around my neck and bouncing. I drag her down into my lap as her sisters join us then flip through the movies that have been recorded on the DVR. When I see Adventures in Babysitting on the list, I smile and press Play.

“You’ll love this one.” I kiss the top of her head then hold her against my chest with Lola leaning into me and Kate snuggled into her twin.

“I’m gonna go get ready for work,” Cece says, stopping at the end of the couch as the movie starts, and I meet her gaze, noticing the ever-present shadow of sadness in her eyes. These past few months have been an adjustment for her. It’s not just her marriage ending; it’s that she no longer gets to spend every possible moment with her girls, which is something she loved doing.

“You okay?”

At my question, she glances at the kids quickly, and I want to kick my own ass for asking her that question in front of them. She doesn’t want them to worry; she doesn’t want them to know any more than they do about what happened between her and their dad, and I admire her for that.

“I’m good. I just wish I was staying home and watching movies with you four.”

“You can stay with us, Mommy,” Ruby says in her sweet little voice as she stands. I grasp onto her hand as she walks across the cushions to the armrest then cringe with worry as she jumps down to go to her mom.

“I wish, baby girl,” Cece says, picking her up. “But I’ll be home with you guys on Friday night.” She tucks her face into Ruby’s neck, closing her eyes. When Cece leans back, Ruby touches her forehead to her mom’s, and my heart melts. I love seeing my sister with her girls, and seeing her with them always makes me question what I want for myself.

The idea of having a child freaks me out. It’s not just carrying a living human inside my body for nine months, but the whole being responsible for another person for the rest of my life is too daunting to even think about. For the past few years, I’ve lived my life day-to-day with no real thought of the future, and with a child, you don’t have a choice but to think about what will happen in a week, a month, or in a few years. Plus, there is the fact that I have yet to find a man I would even think about having a kid with. That doesn’t mean I don’t hear that clock with egg-shaped numbers constantly tick-tick-ticking away.

“Go cuddle with Mimi and watch your movie, and I’ll see you in the morning.” She kisses Ruby’s forehead before she places her on the ground.

When her eyes meet mine once more, I give her a smile along with a look that says “We’ll talk tomorrow before the girls get up” and I hear her sigh. Her girls aren’t the only ones she likes to keep things from. She is forever attempting to keep things from me, my mom, and anyone else who cares about her. The only difference is I don’t let her off the hook when she tries to avoid my questions, and I sure as hell don’t buy it when she says everything is okay.

I let my sister’s gaze go when Ruby crawls back up onto my lap, and then I rest my chin on the top of her head while I close my eyes, just wanting to rest for a moment.

“Mimi, can we make popcorn?” Lola asks, and I blink my eyes open then twist my head to the side and look down at my niece, noticing then that her eyes are the exact shade of brown as mine. The bronzy color almost exactly matches our hair.

“Sure, honey.” I move Ruby off my lap and get up. I walk into the kitchen and dig through the cupboards until I find a box of popcorn. I pull one out then shake my head and grab another, because salty, buttery popcorn sounds good right about now. Once I have a bowlful of goodness, I go back to the couch and sit with my nieces. Not long after, Cece comes down and says goodnight before leaving for work.

After she’s gone, I spend the next hour laughing and reminiscing through a movie that was one of the small parts of my childhood that didn’t have anything to do with outside drama, just pure and simple happiness. When the movie comes to an end, I order us a pizza for dinner, and after we eat, I lead the girls upstairs, where I usher one after the other into the shower while each of them takes a turn talking to their dad on the phone, something they do every night before they go to sleep.

Seeing the content smiles on their sweet little faces when I finally tuck them in, I know my sister is doing everything right. Yes, her life is upside down. Yes, she is working more than she was before, and she doesn’t get as much time at home as she used to. But her girls are happy, healthy, and most importantly, they know their dad loves them, even if he’s not under the same roof.

_______________

When the alarm I set on my cell phone starts to ding, I fight to get my arm out from under the covers and Mercury’s heavy weight. Once I grab it, I quickly turn it off, resenting that it pulled me from the dream I was having, a dream involving a man I can’t seem to forget.

I keep my eyes closed and try to pull up from memory some of the details about him, but no matter how hard I try, none of them seem to do him justice. I’m not sure if it’s gratitude or something else, but an hour hasn’t gone by in which I haven’t thought about him. Even in my sleep, he finds me.

A cold nose against my cheek pulls me from my thoughts, and I open my eyes, finding Lola’s glitter-star-covered ceiling above me before I focus on a set of warm brown eyes.

“Are you ready for breakfast?” I hold onto Retro’s round face, and she leans forward, licking my cheek and making me smile. Then I laugh when Mercury joins her sister in giving me some morning love. “All right, girls. Let’s get up.” Once they both jump off the bed, I toss back the unicorn-printed sheet and blanket covering me and sit up, placing my feet on the rainbow carpet on the floor.

I look around Lola’s room and wonder how much longer I’ll be able to stay here. I know my sister and the girls like having me around, but there’s going to come a point when everyone will need to find some normalcy, and that includes me getting a place of my own so Lola can get her room back. I force myself to stand then shuffle to the door and open it for my pups. The house is quiet, with the girls still asleep across the hall, but the smell of coffee lets me know my sister is already up and downstairs after getting home late, making breakfast and lunches—something she does every morning.