And, I mean… he wasn’t wrong—but now that I’m thinking about it, my mom was the one who always started those conversations. And she kept telling my dad that he should find out more about her.

That’s probably because she was trying to plan Foster’s kidnapping and didn’t want the Black Swan to be watching her.

Huh.

Mom of the Year strikes again!

Anyway. I’m sure I’ll be digging into my mess of mommy issues soon enough. For now, let’s get back to the day Daddy Dearest met the Mysterious Miss F, shall we?

I don’t really know why I drew myself looking so miserable. I couldn’t see my face, so it’s not like I have any idea what I actually looked like right then—and I mostly remember feeling nervous, since I was super aware that my dad could tell Foster was hiding something. She’s not the smoothest liar.

Though… I guess my mood did change when I felt Foster’s emotions shift, and that’s the moment I drew here.

My dad had been droning on, being his usual jerky self. And I was picking up a pretty hilarious amount of annoyance from Miss F. But then she looked at me, and I could tell she felt…

Sad.

Not for her—for me.

My dad might’ve been trying to learn something about Foster that day. But she learned something about him, too—and it’s the thing in my life that I’d rather not have people know. Once they do, they either feel awkward, or weird, or they start pitying me for having such a horrible family.

Thankfully, Foster didn’t do that.

She just felt sad—and a little bit indignant. And if I hadn’t already known I liked her, I would’ve—

You know what?

I think that’s enough rambling about this memory.

MEMORY #2

Awwwwww, my first flight with Glitter Butt!

I love that sparkly alicorn mama almost as much as she loves me!

Too bad her back wasn’t nearly as comfortable as I wanted it to be. I couldn’t sit without wincing for days—though, I guess that might’ve also had something to do with the bumps and scrapes and broken ribs I got when Mommy Dearest and her Neverseen buddies showed up and tried to steal Silveny.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, memories!

But that’s not what this moment was about.

This one was…

Actually, I’m not sure.

All I really remember is how freaked out Foster was. And I don’t blame her. It had to be pretty terrifying knowing she was about to meet the people who “created” her—especially since we didn’t know if the Black Swan were the good guys or the bad guys back then. Plus, there was the whole “Will they be able to fix her abilities?” thing, which was kinda important since she wouldn’t be able to heal Alden’s mind if they couldn’t.

So yeah, Foster was feeling a tiny bit of pressure. And I was only there because her parents had decided that letting me go was better than having her fly across the ocean at night to meet a group of mysterious rebels all alone. But Grady still didn’t seem happy about it.

Can’t say I blame him for that. It wasn’t like I could help much. All I did was make a bunch of jokes to distract her—and it was super fun feeling her get all annoyed and embarrassed. I mean, look at that adorable blush! I could see it even with the moonlight washing out most of the color.

In fact… if I’m keeping it real… I’m pretty sure that blush is the reason I drew this memory.

I mean, I could’ve picked any moment from that flight, but I drew this one. Because that wasn’t an “I’m so embarrassed right now” blush. Or a “Keefe is driving me crazy” blush.

It started out that way.

But then it got warmer.

Almost like…

Ugh, I’m just going to say it, since it’s not like anyone’s ever going to read this (and Ro and Lord Bossypants already hassle me about it anyway—AND IT’S NOT LIKE I CARE).

That was the first time it felt like… maybe I had a tiny shot at making this brave, beautiful, blushing girl like me.

Hasn’t worked out that way yet. And I have no idea if it ever will.

But there’s a teeny, tiny chance.

And that’s enough.

For now.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, that got weird and sappy so… yeah. I can’t tell if it’s proof that this memory-writing thing is working and making me see things more clearly, or if it’s just making me find new ways to humiliate myself.

I guess we’ll see.

MEMORY #3

Right, the day of the ten thousand light leaps!

Actually, there were only five leaps—one for each of the unmapped stars. But it felt like ten thousand, because leaping with quintessence is misery—and it took us to all kinds of places that regular light can’t go, like deep underground and to the bottom of the ocean. (Yep, that was a kraken behind us. He definitely wanted to eat us. Foster thought he swam away, but he was totally lurking behind us the whole time we were there, trying to figure out how to break through our force field.)

Not a fun day. Pretty sure Gigantor hated it even more than Foster and I did.

This was our second leap, I think? Or was it the third?

It was the third!

We did Lucilliant, Candesia, then Marquiseire—which is what that pink glittery glow all around us is—followed by Phosforien and Elementine (photographic memory for the win!).

And for the record: Sparkly light? NOT FUN to leap with.

The Marquiseire leap was seriously the worst part of the day.

Well, I guess the worst part was technically when the Black Swan wasn’t there after we finally made it to their little island, because the whole thing was actually their plan to use Foster and me as bait. And the plan worked, because see that pin on my cape?

Mom of the Year was at it again!

She hid a tracker in my family crest—which, by the way, I’d waited years to have my parents give me. So not only did it turn out that they hadn’t finally treated me like I was part of my own family, BUT I’m also the reason the Neverseen showed up at the Black Swan’s hideout and tried to steal Silveny (and broke her wing). And I’m the reason they found that island and tried to grab me and Foster.

It’s super, super fun to be me, isn’t it?

But that’s not actually why I drew this memory—and it wasn’t about Foster, either (or how adorably protective Gigantor looks).

It was about that glittery pink light.

I guess ethertine is made from some weird combination of quintessence and lightning. And I’m pretty sure the ethertine crown my mom had Glimmer dissolve during that creepy thing she did to me in Loamnore was made with quintessence from Marquiseire. It wasn’t pink or anything. But the grating, scraping feeling that hit me when the light tore through my body felt familiar, and I think it reminded me of this leap.

So maybe if I learn more about Marquiseire, I’ll get a better idea of what’s going on with me.

It’s a pretty slim hope but… it’s all I’ve got.

Too bad this memory isn’t triggering anything useful, no matter how long I stare at it.

Oh well—at least Foster looks all cute and determined!

MEMORY #4

Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah, so… this was not a proud moment for me. It’s pretty much the Worst Idea I’ve Ever Had—and I’ve had a lot of really bad ideas.