Taylor took them off anyway, and I realized then that the teams were uneven, and someone would have to sit out. "I'll watch," I offered, even though I wanted to play.

"That's okay. I won't play," Conrad said.

"We'll play two rounds," said Steven.

Conrad shrugged. "That's all right." He swam over to the side of the pool.

"I call Tay-lor," Jeremiah announced.

"No fair; she's lighter," Steven argued. Then he looked over and saw the expression on my face. "It's just that you're taller than her is all."

I didn't want to play anymore. "Why don't I just sit out, then? I'd hate to break your back, Steven."

Jeremiah said, "Aw, I'll take you, Belly. We'll take those guys down. I think you're probably a lot tougher than little Tay-lor."

Taylor walked down the steps and into the pool slowly, cringing at the temperature. "I'm very tough, Jeremy," she said.

Then Jeremiah crouched down in the water, and I scrambled to get onto his shoulders. He was slippery, so it was hard to stay on at first. Then he stood up and righted himself.

I shifted and balanced my hands on his head. "Am I too heavy?" I asked him quietly. He was so wiry and thin, I was afraid I'd break him.

"You weigh, like, nothing," he lied, breathing hard and gripping on to my legs.

I wanted to kiss the top of his head right then.

Across from us Taylor was perched on top of Steven's shoulders giggling and pulling his hair to hold herself steady. Steven looked like he was ready to pitch her off of him and across the pool.

"Ready? "Jeremiah asked. In a low voice he said to me, "The trick is to just keep steady."

Steven nodded, and we waddled over to the middle of the pool.

Conrad, who was treading over by the side, said, "Ready, set, go."

Taylor and I stretched our arms out to each other, pushing and shoving. She couldn't stop giggling, and when I gave her one strong push, she said, "Oh, shit!" and they both fell backward.

Jeremiah and I burst out laughing and high-fived each other. When they resurfaced, Steven glared at Taylor and said, "I told you to hold on tight."

She splashed him right in the face and said, "I was!" Her eyeliner was smudged and her mascara was starting to run. She still looked pretty, though.

Jeremiah said, "Belly?"

I said, "Hmm?" I was starting to get pretty comfortable up there, so high.

"Watch out." Then he lurched forward, and I was flying into the water, and so was he. I couldn't stop laughing, and I swallowed about a jugful of water, but I didn't care.

When both of our heads popped up, I went straight for his and took him by surprise with a good dunk.

Then Taylor said, "Let's play again. I'll be with Jeremy this time. Steven, you can be Belly's partner."

Steven still looked grumpy, and he said, "Con, take my spot."

"All right," Conrad said, but his voice said he didn't want to at all.

When he swam over to me, I said defensively, "I'm not that heavy."

"I never said you were." Then he stooped in front of me, and I climbed on top. His shoulders were more muscular than Jeremiah's, more weighty. "You okay up there?"

"Yeah."

Across from us Taylor was having trouble getting onto Jeremiah's shoulders. She kept slipping right off and laughing. They were having a lot of fun .Too much fun. I watched them jealously, and I almost forgot to be aware of the fact that Conrad was holding on to my legs, and as far as I could remember, he had never so much as accidentally grazed my knee before.

"Let's hurry up and play," I said. My voice sounded jealous even to my own ears. I hated that.

Conrad had less trouble moving into the center of the pool. I was kind of surprised by how easily he moved around with my extra weight around his shoulders.

"Ready?" Conrad said to Jeremiah and Taylor, who had finally managed to stay put. "Yes!" Taylor shouted.

In my head I said, You're going down, Jewel . "Yes," I said out loud.

I leaned forward and used both of my hands to give her a hard push. She swayed to the side but stayed on, and said, "Hey!"

I smiled. "Hey," I said, and pushed her again.

Taylor narrowed her eyes and pushed me back, hard but not hard enough.

Then we were both pushing at each other, only this time it was so much easier because I felt steady. I pushed her once, firmly, and she tipped forward, but Jeremiah was still standing. I clapped loudly. This was pretty fun.

I was surprised when Conrad held out his hand for a high five. He wasn't a high five kind of person.

When Taylor resurfaced this time, she wasn't laughing. Her blond hair was matted to her head, and she said, "This game sucks. I don't want to play anymore."

"Sore loser," I said, and Conrad lowered me into the water.

"Nice job," he said, giving me one of his rare smiles. I felt like I had won the lottery from that one smile. "I play to win," I told him. I knew he did too.

Chapter seventeen

A few days after we shared Twizzlers at the movies Jeremiah announced, "I'm gonna teach Belly how to drive stick shift today."

"Do you mean it?" I said eagerly. It was a clear day; the first all week. A perfect day for driving. It was Jeremiah's day off, and I couldn't believe he was willing to spend it teaching me how to drive stick. I'd been begging him since last year to teach me--Steven had tried and had given up after our third lesson.

Steven shook his head and took a swig of orange juice from the carton on the table. "Do you want to die, man? Because Belly will kill you both, not to mention your clutch. Don't do it. I'm telling you this as your friend."

"Shut up, Steven!" I yelled, kicking him under the table. "Just 'cause you're a terrible teacher ..." Steven had refused to get into a car with me again after I'd accidentally gotten a teeny-tiny dent in his fender when he was teaching me how to parallel park.

"I'm confident in my teaching skills," Jeremiah said. "By the time I'm finished with her, she'll be better than you.

Steven snorted. "Good luck. "Then he frowned. "How long are you gonna be gone? I thought we were going to the driving range."

"You could come with us," I offered.

Steven ignored me and said to Jeremiah, "You need to practice your swing, dude."

I glanced at Jeremiah, who looked at me and hesitated. "I'll be back by lunch. We can go after," he said.

Steven rolled his eyes. "Fine." I could tell he was annoyed and a little hurt, which made me feel both smug and sorry for him. He wasn't used to being left out of things the way I was.

We went out to practice on the road that led down to the other side of the beach. It was quiet. There was no one else out on the road, just us. We listened to Jeremiah's old Nevermind CD from a million years ago.

"It's hot when a girl can drive stick," Jeremiah explained above Kurt Cobain. "It shows she's confident, she knows what she's doing."

I put the car into first gear and eased my foot off the clutch. "I thought boys liked it when girls were helpless."

"They like that too. But I just happen to prefer smart, confident girls."

"Bull. You liked Taylor, and she's not like that."

He groaned and stuck his arm out the window. "Do you have to bring that up again?"

"I'm just saying. She wasn't that smart and confident."

"Maybe not, but she definitely knew what she was doing," he said, before exploding into laughter.

I hit him on the arm, hard. "You're so gross," I said. "And you're also a liar. I know for a fact that you guys didn't even get to second."

He stopped laughing. "Okay, fine. We didn't. But she was a good kisser. She tasted like Skittles."

Taylor loved Skittles. She was always popping them into her mouth, like vitamins, like they were good for her. I wondered how I'd stacked up against Taylor, if he thought I'd been a good kisser too.

I sneaked a peek at him, and he must have seen it on my face, because he laughed and said, "But you, you were the best, Bells."

I punched him on the arm, and even then he didn't stop laughing. He just laughed harder. "Don't take your foot off the clutch," he said, gasping with laughter.

I was kind of surprised he even remembered. I mean, it had been memorable for me, but it had been my first kiss and it had been Jeremiah. But the fact that he remembered, that sort of made his laughing okay.

"You were my first kiss," I said. I felt like I could say anything to him at that moment. It felt like how it used to be with us before we grew up and things got complicated. It felt easy and friendly and normal.

He looked away, embarrassed. "Yeah, I know."

"How did you know?" I demanded. Had I been that awful at kissing that he'd suspected? How humiliating.

"Um, Taylor told me. Afterward."

"What! I can't believe she did that. That Judas!" I almost stopped the car. Actually, I could believe it. But it still felt like a betrayal.

"It's no big deal." But his cheeks were patchy and pink. "I mean, the first time I kissed a girl was a joke. She kept telling me I was doing it wrong."

"Who? Who was your first kiss?"

"You don't know her. It doesn't matter."

"Come on," I wheedled. "Tell me."

We stalled out then, and Jeremiah said, "Just put your foot on the clutch and put it in neutral."

"Not until you tell me."

"Fine. It was Christi Turnduck," he said, ducking his head.

"You kissed Turducken?" Now I was laughing. I did so know Christi Turnduck. She used to be a Cousins Beach regular just like us, only she lived there year round.

"She had a big crush on me," Jeremiah said, shrugging his shoulders. .

"Did you tell Con and Steven?"

"Hell, no, I didn't tell them I kissed Turducken!" he said. "And you better not either! Pinky promise."

I offered him my pinky, and we shook on it.

"Christi Turnduck. She did kiss nice. She taught me everything I know. I wonder what ever happened to her."

I wondered if Turducken had been a better kisser than me too. She must have been, if she had taught Jeremiah.

We stalled out again. "This sucks. I quit."

"There's no quitting in driving," Jeremiah ordered. Come on.

I sighed and started the car up again. Two hours later, I had it. Sort of. I still stalled out, but I was getting somewhere. I was driving. Jeremiah said I was a natural.

By the time we got back to the house, it was after four and Steven had left. I guessed he'd gotten tired of waiting and had gone to the driving range by himself. My mother and Susannah were watching old movies in Susannah's room. It was dark, and they had the curtains drawn.

I stood outside their door a minute, listening to them laugh. I felt left out. I envied their relationship. They were exactly like copilots, in perfect balance. I didn't have that kind of friendship, the forever kind of friendship that will last your whole life through, no matter what.

I walked into the room, and Susannah said, "Belly! Come watch movies with us."

I crawled into bed in between the two of them. Lying on the bed in the semi-dark, it felt cozy, like we were in a cave. "Jeremiah's been teaching me how to drive," I told them.

"Darling boy," Susannah said, smiling faintly.

"Brave, too," my mother said. She tweaked my nose.

I snuggled under the comforter. He was pretty great. It had been nice of him to take me out driving when no one else would. Just because I'd banged up the car a few times, it didn't mean that I wasn't going to end up being an excellent driver like everyone else. Thanks to him, I could drive stick now. I was going to be one of those confident girls, the kind who knows what she's doing. When I got my license, I would drive up to Susannah's house and take Jeremiah for a drive, to thank him.

Chapter eighteen

AGE 14

After Taylor got out of the shower, she started rummaging through her duffel bag and I lay on my bed and watched her. She pulled out three different sundresses--one white eyelet, one Hawaiian print, and one black linen. "Which one should I wear tonight?" she asked me. She asked the question like it was a test.

I was tired of her tests and having to prove myself all the time. I said, "We're just eating dinner, Taylor. We're not going anywhere special."

She shook her head at me, and the towel on her head bounced back and forth. "We're going to the boardwalk tonight, though, remember? We have to look cute for that. There'll be boys there. Let me pick out your outfit, okay?"

It used to be that when Taylor picked out my clothes, I felt like the nerdy girl transformed at the prom, in a good way. Now it felt like I was her clueless mom who didn't know how to dress right.

I hadn't brought any dresses with me. In fact, I never had. I never even thought to. I only had two dresses at home--one my grandmother bought me for Easter and one I had to buy for eighth-grade graduation. Nothing seemed to fit me right lately. Things were either too long in the crotch or too tight in the waist. I had never thought much about dresses, but looking at hers all laid out on the bed like that, I was jealous.

"I'm not getting dressed up for the boardwalk," I told her.

"Let me just see what you have," she said, walking over to my closet.

"Taylor, I said no! This is what I'm wearing." I gestured at my cutoff shorts and Cousins Beach T-shirt.