“Well then, we’ll definitely need to sleep in the next day. Now I have to get out of here before I hit the floor… with you under me.”

Tuesday

Commonwealth v. Murphy

My client, Ms. Brandy Murphy, had elected to go non-jury for her simple assault trial. That meant that the judge would determine whether or not she was guilty of assaulting her boyfriend Mr. Vinnie Virillo, who was presently testifying for the Commonwealth. The fates were smiling down on Ms. Murphy. That morning Judge Channing had awoken with a case of the runs, and sitting in for him was Judge Anita Blasko, President of the Women’s Bar Association. The courtroom also happened to be packed with women who had dated at least one Vinnie Virillo in their lives.

“Mr. Virillo, can you please describe for the judge what led to the police arriving at your house on April sixteenth of this year?” Braden asked the witness.

“I was in bed with my girlfriend and she started beating on me, so I got up and ran, and she ran after me and the neighbor called the cops.”

“Let’s go back, you were in bed with your girlfriend and what specifically happened?” More like what hadn’t happened, I thought cynically. I tried to keep my expression neutral even though Mr. Virillo had the same effect on my stomach as mixing a few gin martinis, a bottle of red wine, some orange Gatorade and a Twinkie. Don’t ask how I know that.

“We were having sex, you know? I got off, but she didn’t, and she was really pissed, sorry, mad, because I ain’t been trying too hard lately if you know what I mean.” Many women sitting in the courtroom waiting for cases knew what he meant, because I heard some angry female grumbling coming from behind me.

“Are you saying that she became angry because you reached orgasm before she did?” Let me just take a moment here to give myself some credit and point out as an aside that I have some pretty mad concentration skills, because hearing Braden Pierce say the word “orgasm” was almost enough to make me actually have one… okay, back to business.

“Not before I did!” My client got up from the defense table and yelled at Braden. “That selfish bastard don’t care if I ever do!” One of the spectators tossed out a, “you tell ‘em, honey!”

“Ms. Murphy!” I whispered harshly, all but forcing her to sit down. “You can’t do that. You’re just going to hurt your case.”

“Ms. Murphy!” Judge Blasko cautioned. “Listen to your lawyer and remain calm for your own good. And I’ll need everyone in the courtroom to remain quiet, please.” Ms. Murphy was mad and I didn’t blame her. Luckily, Judge Blasko looked like she didn’t either.

“So, Mr. Virillo,” Braden continued, “when you say she beat you, what do you mean?”

“She whacked me in the chest.”

“Was it a hard whack…Uh, that is, did she strike you with force?” Braden glanced at me and actually looked embarrassed. I could tell that he hated this case.

“Well, really it was more like a push. I went flying off of her and I wasn’t sticking around to find out what else she would do. She was really pissed, man. Sorry – mad.”

“And you said she ran after you?” There was more mumbling from the female part of the crowd and Judge Blasko shot them a warning look.

“Yeah! I headed for the door and she threw my clothes after me. The old lady who lives next door was outside and she got all worked up because I was na**d, you know? So I told her, hey, lady, my crazy ass girlfriend is gonna beat the crap outta me and she called the cops on her.”

“No further questions.” Braden sat down with a look of relief.

“Ms. Ginsberg, cross.” Judge Blasko gave me a look that made me think that she was hoping I would kick this guy in the wack. I was happy to oblige. Mr. Virillo was goin’ down, possibly for the first time in his sorry life. I stood up and advanced on him confidently. He seemed to shrink back.

“Mr. Virillo, you didn’t sustain any injuries, did you?” I asked.

“Nah. I was too fast for her.” He started to laugh at his own stupid joke but I cut off his mirth with a quick follow-up question. I stood directly in front of him now and stared at him hard as I watched him squirm. I got the feeling that he wasn’t used to women standing up to him. In fact, I suspected that was part of the reason that we were there.

“She shoved you so hard that you quote “flew off of her” unquote but you didn’t have a single mark on you?”

“Objection. Argumentative.” Braden still had to do his job even if he hated the case.

“Overruled. Answer the question.” I got the feeling that the judge really wanted to say, “answer the question asshole.” It must be hard to be a judge sometimes.

“I meant I got up fast and ran because I knew she wanted to beat the crap outta me.” I walked over to the defense table and made a show of picking up the file and looking it over.

“There’s nothing in your statement to the police that indicates that she threatened you, is there?”

“No. I mean she didn’t have to say it.”

“You’ve never called the police before, have you?”

“No, but there’s always a first…” I cut him off.

“You made a comment to her before she allegedly shoved you, didn’t you?”

“I think I may have said, ‘better luck next time, babe’ or something like that but I was kidding around, you know?”

There were actually some boos from the spectator section and a voice called out, “You’re lucky you weren’t with me, baby, or this would have been a murder trial!”

“I want order in this courtroom!” Judge Blasko banged her gavel. I glanced over at Braden. He was barely hiding his disgust for the “victim” in his case and he looked like he wanted to leave.

“After you said, ‘better luck next time babe,’ she said ‘get off of me, you loser.’ Correct?”

“Something like that.”

“You’re six feet two inches and weight two hundred and twenty pounds, right?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s five foot two and weighs one ten, right?”

“Sounds right.”

“It doesn’t say here that she was armed, does it?”

“She wasn’t, but she threw stuff at me.” He was starting to sound like a petulant child.

“She threw your clothes out the door, correct?”

“But I was out the door so it was the same thing.” He looked like he wanted to stick his tongue out at me.

“And when your elderly neighbor threatened to call the police because you were outside unclothed and yelling obscenities yourself that was when you claimed to be in fear for your safety, right?”

“Yeah.” Mr. Virillo gave me a mean look and sat there sulking. Inner-Gabrielle would have liked to have assaulted him for real. I suspected that most of the courtroom, including the judge and the prosecutor would have happily helped. I had accomplished what I set out to do and Mr. Virillo wasn’t laughing now. He was starting to look worried and I didn’t blame him. He might need a police escort to get out of this courtroom.

“No further questions.” I sat back down. Ms. Murphy looked triumphant.

“Redirect?”

“No, Your Honor.” Braden wasn’t stupid “The Commonwealth rests.”

“The Defense rests, Your Honor, and we’ll waive argument unless the court deems it necessary.”

“The Commonwealth waives argument and stands on the evidence as presented,” Braden added. He was so sexy when he was being all prosecutorial even in dumbass cases like this one. Judge Blasko deliberated for five minutes and returned a verdict of not guilty. I had won a trial! In case you didn’t know this, that didn’t happen all that much for public defenders, even really experienced ones. And even better than winning, my client was actually innocent! That happened even less! Ms. Murphy thanked me and left with her head held high, to the vocal support of several women in the courtroom. Mr. Virillo attached himself to a deputy and slunk out. Braden came over to the defense table.

“Was it a hard whack?” I asked with amusement.

“Come and talk to me. Please?”

“Oh, poor Mr. Pierce,” I said with a smirk.

“Maybe you can comfort me. Oh wait, I meant not confront me,” he teased, and I felt my cheeks heat up. He was much too good at teasing me.

“Fine, I’ll come talk to you but you had better not leave before I’m finished.”

“Oh, don’t worry!” he said with a laugh.

I grabbed my stuff and stood closely beside him, (I wasn’t taking any chances with this crowd), as we walked out together and headed for the same interview room we had gone to the day before.

“I know we’ve only had a couple of dates, and so we haven’t really gotten very far with the physical side of our relationship yet,” he said as soon as the door was closed behind us, “but please f**king tell me that you realize that I wasn’t excusing his performance. I wish that she had beaten him!”

“If you say so,” I teased. “I don’t know though, sometimes I think you guys all stick together.”

“Oh come on! I wanted to apologize to every woman in that courtroom and then I wanted to grab you and take you back to my place and make you come like ten times.”

“Oh my! You’re much more ‘virile – o’ than I realized.”

“Oh, that was bad.” He winced.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself. I’ve been dying to say it.” I gave him a lascivious look. “Feel free to do that on Friday by the way. In fact, maybe I’ll just add that to the list of things that I want to do, since it’s my turn to choose.” He was looking at me like maybe he wasn’t going to wait until Friday.

“Just for the record, Harvard desperately wants to go down at this moment and there are only two things stopping me from just locking the door right now. One, that I don’t want either one of us to ever associate sexual arousal with Vinnie Virillo, and two, I’m not really sure that it does lock.”

“Ooh. I thought that I was excited just because I won a trial and exonerated an innocent woman, but after hearing that, I’m actually tingling.”

“It’s the adrenaline,” he said with a suggestive look. “Maybe I’ll have to let you win more often.”

“You didn’t let me win and it’s more than adrenaline!” I laughed.

“I’m only kidding.” He grinned. “I want to kiss you again, in lots of places, but I don’t think I should. I’m pretty tingly too and I sense my good judgment rapidly going straight to hell.”

“Adrenaline?”

“And testosterone.” His eyes roamed over my body and came to rest on the top button of my blouse. “Shit! I’m so turned on right now. The fact that it’s after that case is almost enough to make me seek counseling.”

I let my eyes roam a little too and I could actually see how turned on he was. Oh my! I hadn’t even touched him. He was a healthy boy. “Okay,” I said throatily. “I’m feeling too tingly now. I need to go or I’m going to start begging you to do some really naughty things and I don’t want to wake up with you here tomorrow morning.” He took a deep breath and he was looking kind of flushed. I probably looked like I just ran ten miles.

“Yeah, we need to go. Now,” he said clearing his throat and raking his fingers through his hair. He pulled his suit jacket closed and buttoned it. Then he took out some files to strategically carry in front of him. As we walked out together I wondered if we would really make it to Friday.

Wednesday

Commonwealth v. McBride

“I'm sorry Your Honor, but I just don't see how a Taco Bell burrito can be considered a deadly weapon,” I said in exasperation.

“Perhaps Ms. Ginsberg hasn't eaten at Taco Bell lately,” Braden responded.

“I don't know Mr. Pierce. I think I'm actually with Ms. Ginsberg on this one,” Judge Channing replied. “Okay, I'm going to dismiss the aggravated assault and bind this over for trial as a simple assault.” He banged his gavel and I returned to counsel table. Braden came over with the judge's order a moment later.

“Aggravated assault? With a burrito?”

“It was worth a try,” he smiled. “You could have pleaded it down. I would have offered you a good deal. And I personally think that Taco Bell food should be outlawed anyway.”

“So you had an agenda.”

“Mr. Pierce, call the next case,” Judge Channing barked.

“Commonwealth vs. McBride,” Braden called out and a tired-looking woman accompanied by a clearly irate man approached Braden. Another man, nervously fidgeting with his tie walked over to me, his slightly wacky-looking girlfriend trailing behind him.

“Who are all of these people?” the judge asked.

“Your Honor, this is the victim, Ms. Parker and her boyfriend Mr. Connolly, who was a witness,” Braden answered.

“And this is the defendant, of course, Mr. McBride, and his girlfriend Ms. Rodriguez who is a witness for the defense,” I explained.

“A defense witness. Oh goody,” Judge Channing said. “Before we get too out of hand here, why don't you summarize the Commonwealth's case, Mr. Pierce?”

“Your Honor, the Commonwealth will demonstrate that on May 11th of this year the victim, Ms. Parker was riding a city bus with her boyfriend, Mr. Connolly, when she felt her, uh, behind being grabbed. When she turned around she saw that it was the defendant, Mr. McBride who had engaged in said grabbing. Mr. Connolly had witnessed the action and the two males engaged in a verbal altercation. Mr. McBride is charged with indecent assault.”