The Helmet of Horror Chapter Four


But at the same time, as far as I can tell, no one's made a single spelling mistake yet. Not a single typing error. Doesn't that seem a bit strange?

Monstradamus

That's richt.

Nutscracker

They cantroll our entire canvasation.

IsoldA

Are yew ploying the foul?

Romeo-y-Cohiba

No, I woodn't deram of it.

Monstradamus

Me kneether. It's the mooderattors.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Step mucking us, you ratten scam!

UGLI 666

There's no point in getting upset, Romeo. It won't help matters.

IsoldA

Have they really stopped?

Organizm(-:

Good for you, Romeo! They did what you told them to. Why not try telling our moderators to do something else?

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Stick your xxx up your xxx and give it a double right twist.

IsoldA

They're following every word we write.

Monstradamus

Maybe that's why Theseus isn't saying anything?

Organizm(-:

What Theseus?

Nutscracker

The one who killed the Minotaur, Organism. Or who has to kill him. What do you have in mind, Monstradamus?

Monstradamus

Maybe he's already here, but he doesn't want the moderator to notice him. And I suspect the moderator's our bronze mushroom.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

You talk about him as if you'd seen him with your own eyes. But we don't actually have any reason to believe he exists.

Ariadne

Who do you mean? Theseus or Asterisk?

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Both.

Monstradamus

And for exactly the same reason, Romeo, there's no reason to believe that you exist.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

That just about does it. Leave it out, will you?

Ariadne

Perhaps Theseus is one of us?

Nutscracker

Perhaps the Minotaur's one of us.

Organizm(-:

I bet a hundred xxx the Minotaur's Monstradamus.

Monstradamus

Stop clowning about.

Organizm(-:

Theseus, answer us!

IsoldA

At least tell us if you're here or not! Theseus!

Monstradamus

By the way. If the moderators can fulfil our wishes, why don't we ask them to open the door?

UGLI 666

But what's outside the door?

Organizm(-:

We can find out.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

You be careful, or the door might really go ahead and open.

Ariadne

I've composed a little poem. Dedicated to Monstradamus.

Monstradamus

Let's hear it.

Ariadne

The Minotaur lurks at the door,

His axe it gleams moon-bright.

'Dear Watson this could not be more ...'

Then silence in the night.

Monstradamus

A bit on the dark side. But maybe I deserve it for being so suspicious.

Organizm(-:

An experiment. Doors, open!

UGLI 666

Lord have mercy!

Romeo-y-Cohiba

I warned you!

Ariadne

Did it happen in all the rooms?

Monstradamus

It did in mine.

UGLI 666

Do you mean the music or the door?

Ariadne

The whole thing at once.

IsoldA

I've got sky outside. Grey. Looks a bit like a park. Everything seems quiet. I'm going out to explore.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Hey, Isolde, wait! It could be dangerous out there!

UGLI 666

It's dark out there.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Isolde!

Nutscracker

Did everyone hear the trumpets?

Ariadne

Do you think they were trumpets?

Organizm(-:

Doors, close!

Nutscracker

xxx be praised.

Monstradamus

Organizm, don't go trying any more experiments like that.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Now how's Isolde going to get back? Doors, open!

Nutscracker

xxx, eh? Again!

Monstradamus

Let's just keep calm and get our bearings.

Organizm(-:

Okay, I think I've got it. When the door opens, a lever shaped like a leg with a hoof moves out and down.

UGLI 666

Lord save us and keep us!

Nutscracker

To make the door close, you push the lever. To make it open, you press on the axe in the middle. So everyone can open their own door when they want to.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

It works.

Monstradamus

What can you see outside the door?

Ariadne

There's another room outside mine.

UGLI 666

Semi-darkness. Benches, a lot of benches.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Fresh air at last.

Sartrik

Two fridges full of booze. So there is a God after all!

Organizm(-:

Plywood walls painted to look like bricks. It all looks pretty naff.

Nutscracker

I've got a load of electronic equipment.

Organizm(-:

I'm hungry. Hey, you moderators, how's about a bit of nosh down here? Right ... I think I've got it. You have to turn this thingy that way, and then that thingy this way ... Now we're talking.

Monstradamus

What?

Romeo-y-Cohiba

What was it you turned, tell us.

Organizm(-:

They sent down some pancakes with jam. Not bad for Ancient Greece. I feel like a nice quiet meal, so I'm taking a break now.

Romeo-y-Cohiba

Enjoy your meal. Just tell us what it was you turned.

Organizm(-:

When I'm feeding my tum, I go all deaf and dumb.

Ariadne

Organism, you only need to type two words! Then you can go ahead and eat in peace.

Nutscracker

Organism, we're all asking you.

Organizm(-:
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