“Thanks.”

I said goodbye to Faith and Rowan, and then headed back outside to J.  He was sitting on his bike waiting for me, still looking as pissed off as he had when he first arrived.

“You ready to go?” he asked.

“Yes, but I’m not so sure that I’ll be able to get on your bike in this dress.”

He smirked.  “Never stopped you before, babe,” he said, letting his eyes roam over my body, and I hated to admit it, but that turned me on.

Shit, now I was flustered.  “Just pass me a helmet,” I snapped at him.

He did what I asked and then turned around, settling into his seat while I attempted to hike my dress up enough to allow me to sit on the bike behind him.  Don’t ask me how, but somehow I managed this, although I did feel like my ass was hanging out for all the world to see.

His hands gripped my legs and pulled me in closer to him.  Bloody hell, my pussy was taking notice now, and that was not a good thing.  Not where J was concerned, because if I let her take control of the situation, god knew where we would end up.

I wrapped my arms around him and held on while we sped off into the night.  Fifteen minutes later we pulled into my driveway.  I guessed that Scott had given him my address.  Letting go of him, I did my best to get off the bike without flashing too much and quickly smoothed my dress down before taking off the helmet and giving it back to him.

Without a second glance in his direction, I went inside and headed to the kitchen, flipping on lights as I went.  I was not one of those people who tried to conserve power or money by never putting lights on; I loved the house lit up.  Turning the tap on, I filled the kettle and started making coffee.  Figuring J could do with caffeine hit, I got him a mug too but then stopped myself when I went to fill it.  It had been awhile since I had made him coffee, perhaps he took it differently now.

He entered the kitchen and I turned to him, holding up the coffee and a spoon.  “How do you have your coffee these days?” I asked.

“Same as before,” he replied, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms.

I felt a little self conscious with him watching me like this, but hell would freeze over before I admitted that to him so I went about the task of making coffee.  We stood in silence while waiting for the kettle to boil.  It was uncomfortable and I wished that J would just say something, but he didn’t.  Eventually I finished making the coffee and handed it to him before we both took a seat at the kitchen table.  And, again, there was complete silence.  Normally, I enjoyed silence, but with J, right now, it felt really awkward.

So, I forced myself to say something.  “How the hell did Bec end up with Nix?” Both her kid’s fathers had been bikers who had screwed her over so the last I knew she had sworn off bikers.

“From what I can work out she flipped after what happened with Rob and got into some bad shit.  Led her to Nix eventually.  I think he targeted her.”

My mind was racing and I could feel my anxiety rising.  I didn’t want to talk about Rob and J had caught me off guard even bringing it up.  My hand brushed over the scar on my arm without me realising it, until I saw J’s eyes move to it.  He lifted his hand and went to touch me.  “Don’t,” I snapped, and scraped my chair back so I could stand up.

“Fuck, Madison.  You’re still dealing with that aren’t you?” J stood and moved towards me, but I was backing away so he reached his arm out and hooked it around my waist, pulling me towards him.

I raised my palms to his chest in an effort to halt his progress of bringing us together.  “Don’t talk to me about dealing with that.  I fucking have.  You’ve got no idea what I’ve been through with all that shit, so don’t think you know all about it.” I tried to push away from him but he was too strong and held me close.

“You might have dealt with your drinking and I hope you fucking have babe, but I can tell that you haven’t sorted through some of the other shit in your head,” he bit out.

“It’s none of your business.  You made it perfectly clear that you weren’t interested when you told me to leave,” I hissed, and gave him another push away.  He relented and let me go.

J’s face contorted in anger and he raked his fingers through his hair.  “Fine.  Don’t wanna get into this crap right now anyway,” he jabbed his finger at me, “Mark my fucking words though, we will be getting into it.”

Oh, my god.  He was still one bossy fucker.

***

I rolled over and checked the time on the bedside clock.  Three am.  Shit, it was going to be a long night; I’d woken up every hour since I went to bed at midnight.  The revelations of the evening had stirred up long suppressed feelings and I couldn’t stop the memories that were coming to me.  I reached for my smokes and lit one, taking a long, hard drag on it.  I closed my eyes as it filled my lungs and the smell of it hit my nostrils; it felt damn good and I took another drag, trying desperately to block out the images of Bec suffering at the hands of Nix.

Bec was my best friend growing up.  Her father was also a member of the club and we had been inseparable.  She was a few years older than me and had always looked out for me.  Bec had fallen pregnant at seventeen, and I had helped her look after Georgie when he was born, and later, Crystal.  We had been through a lot together and had always sworn that nothing would come between us, but then on that fateful day that changed my life, something had come between us and there had been no going back from it.  Bec cut me out of her life and I had had to learn how to live life without the unwavering support of a best friend.  Even after Nix had fucked me up she had not checked in on me; she hated me that much.  But I had never stopped loving her and my broken heart cracked even more at the realisation that I would never see her again.