“I’m waiting for an answer, Madison.  Is this conversation pointless?”

“I don’t know, J, okay.  I need some time to think,” I finally answered him.

He stood up straight, his eyes intense and focused on mine.  He took a moment and then said, “I’ll give you some time.  But then we talk.  And babe, we will talk about every fucking thing we should have talked about two years ago.”

With that, he turned and left me alone; alone to contemplate the conversation that we would finally be having.  He was absolutely right.  There were things that should have been said all those years ago; things that I still found hard to even think about, let alone talk about.

Shit.

But first, I needed to sort out the mess of feelings I was having about J.  Why the fuck couldn’t life ever be easy?

Chapter 12

Madison

The day had passed fairly uneventfully after my run in with J.  He had left with Scott and some of the other guys to take care of something.  I wasn’t sure what it was they were doing but then again, I was never privy to that sort of information.  And, yeah, it pissed me off.  That was something that J never understood.  He never shared club business with me, unlike some of the other club members who talked stuff through with their old ladies.  I had wanted to be involved in J’s life fully and that meant club life as well.  I didn’t expect to be told everything, but to be told nothing kind of hurt.  It made me feel like I was only a part of some of J’s life.

I had hung out at the clubhouse for most of the morning, catching up with friends I hadn’t seen in years.  I loved that aspect of club life; the social side.  These were my people; I had grown up here and felt totally comfortable here.  I loved living in Coffs Harbour but there was something peaceful about coming home to where I was accepted and loved without reservation.

Now I was on my way to visit my Mum.  My parents lived about twenty minutes away so I had caught a lift with one of the guys.  As we pulled up to the house I was hit with the memories of growing up here.  Mum and Dad had given Scott and I a good life.  We had been surrounded by lots of love in the form of club family.  I remembered tons of get togethers with the boys and their families; parties, barbeques, you name it, my Mum was always organising something.  My Dad may have been the club president but my mother played a huge part in keeping it all together and running smoothly.  I didn’t know how aware she was of the day to day business of the club but I truly believed that she was the strong woman who stood behind my father and supported him in everything he did.

Sharon Cole was a woman that most people tried not to mess with.  She was a hard as nails, straight up, ballsy woman who loved fiercely, and lived and breathed Storm.  Her father had been a member of Storm, and she too had grown up in the life.  She had met my father when he joined the club and the rest is history.  They had been through a lot and had built Storm up to be the club it was today; a force to be reckoned with.  Storm had a reputation for getting the job done and it was a club that others didn’t fuck with, although that reputation had really only come about over the last few years.

Even though I hadn’t had much to do with Storm since I left two years ago, I had heard whisperings from friends about the lengths the club would now go to, to protect its business dealings, its members and their loved ones.  As much as I wasn’t aware of within the club, I wasn’t naive; I had seen enough to know there was a lot of violence involved, and it seemed that this had only intensified.  I had struggled with this when I dated J; he had sometimes come home bloodied and bruised, and when I asked about it he had told me it was club business and I didn’t need to know.  Thinking about my mother now, I wondered how she dealt with this side of Storm.  We had never talked about it but perhaps it was something I needed to ask her; perhaps learning how to deal with this would help me move past what had happened with Rob.

I never knew just what J was capable of until Rob.  I shuddered thinking about it but the thing was, I had to think about it.  I had pushed it to the deep recesses of my mind for too long now.  It had everything to do with why J and I broke up, so in order for me to start sorting through my feelings about him, I needed to work through this first.

*****

“So, I hear you’re staying,” my Mum said as she made us coffee.  She had been happy to see me and I could hear the relief in her voice now.

I smiled; it was so good to see her.  “Yes,” I took a moment to get the words out right, “I haven’t wanted to come back because I wasn’t sure how I would cope with everything here.  I thought that seeing J again would he hard and to be honest, I was trying to get away from the club.  But you know what?  I think I’ve missed the club and even though he is pissing me off, I’m okay with being around J.”

She nodded, “You were in a pretty bad way when you left, Maddy, but I think you just needed that time away to get your head together.  It’s done you good, honey.”

“I want to stay so I can watch out for Crystal but being here with you now, I realise I’ve really missed you, even if you are overbearing sometimes,” I said with a cheeky smile.

Mum laughed, “I’ve been good lately, haven’t I?” she asked.

“Yeah, Mum, you have.  And I need you to let me do things my way if I’ve got any chance of starting over here and keeping my shit together.  Okay?”