Nerissa turned to me. “Come with me, love. As long as I’m staying here tonight again, let’s take advantage of the situation. I have some things I want to talk to you about.”

That didn’t sound good. The words I want to talk to you had never prefaced a comfortable conversation as long as I’d been alive.

We said good night to the others and trailed into the parlor. Nerissa pulled off her shoes and changed into her nightgown. I pulled off my boots, relieved to have an evening where I wasn’t out chasing monsters.

She curled up with the magazine and handed it to me, opening it to a Post-it-marked page. “What do you think?”

I stared at the arrangement. White roses and purple lilies, surrounded by fern fronds. “This is beautiful. I love it. Is this what you want? Because I’d be quite happy carrying that down the aisle.”

I racked my brain, trying to think of just what aisle we’d be walking down. We could get married here at the house, if necessary, but I didn’t want that and I knew that wouldn’t be enough for Nerissa. She deserved something special and I wanted her to have it.

“Why is Iris mad at me?” I put the magazine down and leaned back, watching the second hand on the clock circle round. There were so many things in this house I never usually thought about. For instance, the clock—it had been an antique, bought from Rina’s store before the demons killed her.

How long ago it seemed that we’d first faced Bad Ass Luke, but in reality, only a year and a half had passed. But right now, it felt like a lifetime since we first discovered the demons were here, working for Shadow Wing. So much had happened since then.

“Can’t you figure it out?” Nerissa pulled her legs up into a lotus position on the sofa. She draped the blanket around her shoulders. “Iris and you have a special relationship—a special friendship. She’s terrified you’re going to be so reckless you’ll get yourself killed. And Iris doesn’t want to lose you.”

I stared at my feet, holding them out and wiggling my toes. “I didn’t think of it that way. I know what I’m doing—”

“Bullshit. Most of the time none of us know what we’re doing. We just stumble through the day, doing our best to get by without making fools of ourselves…without getting hurt. Or in our case—killed. So don’t give me any crap about you know what you’re doing. You’re no different than the rest of us, even if you do sink your fangs into people now and then.” She snickered, yawning so wide I could practically see her tonsils.

I stuck my tongue out at her, but after a minute conceded the argument. “I hate to lose, and you know it, but you’re right. I guess I’m just feeling my way through, doing what I think is best, but we can’t ever know until it’s over.”

“Now I have a question for you.” She paused, looking almost embarrassed.

“What is it? You can ask me anything and I’ll give you the most honest answer I can.”

She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Now that you’re connected to Roman, do you think…will he use that to come between us?”

I ducked my head. “I talked to him about us. I asked him why he left during…well, our tryst. He told me that he thought he could handle it, but when he saw the way I looked at you, it reminded him too much of the one time he was truly in love. And that ended badly.”

“In other words, he wants you to look at him that way. And by being your sire…”

“No.” I wasn’t sure why I was trying to protect Roman, but everybody expected the worst from him and so far, he’d been a great help to us. “He didn’t have to help us—none of the times he has. He’s under no obligation to us.”

Nerissa bit her lip, and a worried look crossed her face. “Okay, then. Do you think this will affect how you feel about me?”

Realizing that she was feeling insecure and even a little jealous, I slid across the sofa and took her hands. “Listen to me. Like you told me the other night, I love you. I want to marry you. I don’t love Roman, even if there is a bond between us now. I don’t want to marry Roman. I trust him on his word that he won’t try to come between us. Please, don’t let your fear push you away from me. Because that’s the only thing that can divide us—fear.” I kissed her fingertips and, as tears slowly trickled down her face, I kissed those, too.

She met my lips and took me in her arms, and we snuggled, silently, for the next half hour. Finally, she yawned again.

“I have to get up early tomorrow. I’d better sleep.”

“Rest, then, and don’t worry. Please, it just tears me up knowing you’re unhappy. I love the bouquets. And I’m working on finding us the perfect spot for our ceremony.” As I opened the door, I paused and looked back. “Nerissa…I’d give up almost everything for you. I’d give my life for you.”

She blew me a kiss, and I quietly slipped down to my lair, where I took a shower and pulled on a pair of the Happy Mo-kito Bat pajamas Delilah had bought me for Yule. A movement startled me and I looked up to see Misty jump on my bed. Unlike most living cats, Misty wasn’t afraid of me, and she came parading up the blankets to crawl on my stomach. I let her lie there, petting the ghostly fur as best as I could.

After a while, with still several hours to go till dawn, I began mulling over places to get married. There were a lot of beautiful parks and mansions around the area, but most mansions were booked well in advance.

As I mused over wedding plans, images from home kept creeping into my mind. And then, I knew.

The shores of Lake Y’Leveshan, near Y’Elestrial. There were parks there that shimmered with dragonflies and flutternuts and singing torries. I could see it now—we could marry at the head of the lake, near the Erulizi Falls, which thundered down over the cliffs above. The splashing drops prismed the sunlight that sparkled through them, mirroring rainbows in a dizzying array across the water. It would be perfect, and Nerissa would love it. We’d have to get married after sunset, but she’d be able to walk the shores during the day, and the moonlight reflecting on the water would be almost as beautiful as the sun.

I grabbed a notebook and began making lists of things we’d have to do, and people we’d have to contact, and the logistics involved. I got so involved in the planning that I didn’t notice how much time was passing.

As a deep tug began to yank me down to sleep, I realized it was almost sunrise. I set the notebook on my nightstand, and, giving Misty one final pat, I slid under my covers and into my dreams. And for once, they were simply that—dreams, filled with sunlight and laughter and images of my beautiful, lovely Nerissa.

Chapter 19

Charlotine arrived on time. I didn’t like her any better than I had when I’d first met her. She didn’t offer any pleasantries to the others, but to me, she at least said hello. She seemed more subdued than she had when I’d met her last.

Mallen sure knew how to pick them. I would never again give his taste in friends much credence. Perhaps she wasn’t his friend, though, but just someone he had to call in for work now and then. That I could believe.

We’d armed ourselves as best as possible. Because the degas were susceptible to water and to sound, I’d had Camille go out and buy high-pitched dog whistles for everyone going. Vanzir had assured me that would work on them to some degree.

And Vanzir had rigged up some sort of sonic shrieking device. I had no clue what it was, but it was battery-operated and let out an alarm that would outscreech a Bean Sidhe.

Smoky and Shade had spent the day calling in favors and were now the proud owners of several water-based spell scrolls. Neither would let Camille even touch the parchment they were written on. She’d still been complaining about it when I woke up from the day’s slumber.

Thirty minutes past sunset, we were heading out. Smoky carried Vanzir and me through the Ionyc Seas, and Shade carried Charlotine, who had put up a mild fuss about it until I threatened to stuff her in a duffel bag and let him carry her that way.

We stepped out of the mists to find ourselves standing near the trail leading up to the cave. In this area, the woods were thick enough to get lost in. Thick enough to stash bodies in. Thick enough to hide a cave frequented by demons. The timber was tall and the hiking trails not for amateurs. Boulders dotted the trail, and small rocks, and loose branches that had blown off the trees during recent windstorms.

Charlotine moved closer to me and I readied myself for an assault—just on principle—but she merely crossed her arms, rubbing her forearms as if she were cold. “I find the woodlands over here disconcerting.”

“They can be. The forests are wild and not very friendly. You aren’t elf, are you?” I couldn’t place her. She didn’t look elfin, nor did she look Fae, but she came from Elqaneve.

“Perhaps because I’m not.” She glanced to the side, and when I remained silent, she shrugged. “I was a sorceress from the Southern Wastes. I moved to the north because I grew weary of the constant sand. I was tired of the testosterone wars between the various sorcery guilds. I wanted a better life. So I offered my services to Queen Asteria, and she took me in.”

“How did you become a vampire?” It wasn’t a polite question to ask, but I wanted to know who we were dealing with.

“Come on, let’s get moving.” Shade took the forefront, and Charlotine and I fell in behind him. Smoky and Vanzir guarded the rear.

Charlotine lowered her voice as we moved along, skirting the roots that were growing across the path. “I chose to become one. I asked Raleesha, mother of a nest, to turn me, and she did.”

I had never understood those who chose to be turned. Death wasn’t something I embraced, but being a vampire seemed like stopping in time—I constantly feared stagnation.

“Listen to me, and listen good. You blamed me for killing my sire. And I did. But you chose the turning. I didn’t have a choice. I was tortured and scarred all over my body. I screamed so loud I lost my voice. Dredge raped me to the point of where he ripped my genitals. And then, he forced the turning on me and sent me home to kill my family. I didn’t have a choice, so don’t you ever judge me again.”

After a moment, she glanced at me. “I wasn’t told the details. I’m sorry. Nobody should ever be forced to make the transition. I was wrong to judge you. But you judge me. Do you want to know why I made the choice?”

“If you want to tell me.”

“I was dying. I developed Spindle’s Fever. There is no cure, and it’s a painful, fatal disease. I wasn’t ready to die. I had so much to live for, and Queen Asteria trusted me. I talked to her about it. The only possibility for me was to make the change. She agreed, and called in Mama Raleesha, who agreed to sire me. And so, before the disease did any further damage to me, I died and was reborn.”

Spindle’s Fever was a wasting disease, and it mostly struck those who used magic. Nobody knew what brought it on, and though it was rare, it was feared among sorcerers and witches. Camille had mentioned it once or twice, but any worries she had about it she kept to herself.

“I guess…I can see why you made the choice.” I liked to think I wouldn’t choose the same path if I were in her shoes, but until you faced the fire, you never knew what you’d do. So I kept my judgment to myself.

Shade stopped and motioned for us to do the same. “The cave is through this patch of woods and a little ways beyond. The path winds around in front of it, and on up the mountain. Get ready.”

Vanzir and Smoky moved up next to us. Vanzir pulled out his whistle and made sure it was fastened around his neck. “The degas can be attacked physically, unlike the bhouts, but they are strong and dangerous. Try the whistles first, to disarm them and make them easier to attack. But sound alone isn’t going to take them out, so be prepared for one hell of a fight.”

I glanced at the path. “Let’s go. And Charlotine—you may have faced some nasty things in the past, but make no mistake, these are demons, and they won’t give you a chance. Don’t give them any opening.”

She held my gaze a moment. “Right.”

And so, Shade and I at the front, Charlotine and Vanzir behind us, and Smoky bringing up the back, we moved in.

We approached the cave off-path, shrouded by the undergrowth. The ground was soggy and wet, spongy with forest debris. The constant drip of the rain off the tree limbs set up an odd cadence, and I was grateful for it, because it would help mask any sounds we made.

As we reached the border of the undergrowth where it cleared out into a small opening around a cave, we edged in, watching. There was activity there; we could see it and feel it.

Charlotine leaned in. “Do you want me to scout it out? I’m good at bat form.”

I frowned. I wasn’t good at taking any form, and I envied vamps who could. “Fine, go. But don’t do anything except look. Get back here in under ten minutes.”

She shifted, effortlessly, and flew up and out into the night. As I watched her, something in me responded to the transformation and I found myself wanting to shift, too. But that was crazy. I never had the urge, and when I did, my results were less than spectacular.

But the urging became stronger and I tugged on Smoky’s arm. “Listen, I’m feeling pulled to change shape.”

“You don’t do that.” Smoky frowned at me.

“I know, that’s why I’m telling you.”

“Do you want to try, while we’re waiting for her to return?” Smoky gave me a quizzical look.

I scratched my head. The tingling was stronger. “Yeah. I won’t do anything stupid, but I want to give it a go.” I stepped back, giving myself room to focus on shifting. It had never been easy, and though I’d managed to attain bat form a couple of times, I never managed to hold it for long. And my flying powers were pathetic.