We both wanted to matter.

And we both needed to be saved.

Steven said to his brother, “Go home, Ky. Go home to your family…” He waved his finger in a circle while I sat confused, wondering why he said your family, and not ours. “…and be better than this. You don’t belong here.”

His brother sighed. “You don’t have to belong here either, Steve.”

Steven laughed. “A little late for all that.”

But maybe he was wrong.

Maybe it wasn’t too late.

Maybe we could save each other.

 

 

3

 

 

For minutes Steven just stood there, watching the taillights of his brother’s car as it moved farther away from us. “Are you okay?” I asked, stepping beside him.

He pulled out his phone and looked down at it, lost in a world of his own thoughts. Tapping the phone a few times, he distractedly murmured a “yeah” before lifting it to his ear.

“Watcha got?” he mumbled, turning away from me. “Yeah,” he continued, his eyes darting to mine quickly. “I know where it is. I’ll meet you there.”

After hanging up, he looked over at me. It was too dark to make out his expression, but when he took a step forward, I instinctively took a step back. He sighed and took my hands in his, comforting me again. “I need to meet up with a friend real quick.”

“I thought we were just going to go back to your—”

“I know. I’m sorry. I promise it won’t take long.”

I agreed. Not because I wanted to, but because I had no choice. It was a comfortable bed and a roof for the night as opposed to going back to my dumpster.

After five minutes of walking and my suspicions escalating with every step, I finally asked, “Where are we going?”

His grip on my hand tightened as he led me through the darkness, our feet sloshing through the muddy grass while we walked through the field surrounded by carefree teenagers. What I’d give to be them. I wondered if they could tell, if they could take one look at me and know I was different. “We’re almost there.” And even though I had no idea where we were, or what we were doing, in that moment, the only thing I could trust was his hand on mine.

“Steven Parker,” I heard, and my eyes moved everywhere all at once.

Steven stopped.

A loud chuckle echoed through our surroundings, but the only thing I could make out were bushes and the track we were walking on.

“Took your time,” the same voice from earlier said.

My eyes moved to the sound of rustling bushes to my right. “You brought a friend,” the guy sang, coming into view. He was in his mid-thirties, from what I could tell. The smell of cigarettes and booze oozed off him, and when he stepped closer, the odor doubled. He eyed me up and down, the corner of his mouth lifting higher the longer he stared.

Steven stepped forward, shielding me. “You got it?” he asked.

The guy scoffed and smiled wider, showing his lack of teeth. “You know I do.”

Steven reached into his pocket.

And it finally hit me… it was a drug deal.

I should’ve known.

I should’ve moved.

Should’ve run away.

But I did neither.

“New rule,” the dealer said, stepping closer. “We’ve had too many narcs on our back. Too many close calls—”

“What’s that got to do with me, Pauly?” Steven cut in. “You know I’m good.”

The guy chuckled, then started to turn away.

Steven opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it. “You don’t need it,” I said, grabbing his arm, trying to pull him away. “Let’s just go, okay?”

He shook off my hand and looked down at me. I could tell he wanted to say something, to convince me that he did. He needed it. And I could see it in his eyes, eyes filled with stone cold desperation. A familiar look I’d seen too many times. From my dad. From his girlfriend. From the men and women who would come into the house.

I swallowed nervously and stepped back, wondering how the fuck I went from trusting him completely—to this.

“Fine,” he said, his tone clipped and his eyes fixed on mine. But he wasn’t talking to me. He was talking to his dealer. I dropped my gaze, too angry to face him.

He’d let me down.

I shouldn’t have been surprised.

I should’ve been used to it.

I stood still, my fists balled at my sides. I was angry, I was sad, but most of all, I was disappointed—in Steven, for who he turned out to be, and in me for hoping… for just hoping.

Keeping my eyes down, I tried to ignore their exchange, tried not to listen as Steven told him he had the money. My eyes shut tighter when I heard the familiar sound of a single snort, a single bump of cocaine.

Steven cleared his throat, the moment over. “Thanks, man,” he said. “I needed that.”

Bile rose in my throat, and I opened my eyes, looking everywhere but at them, trying to find the quickest way out. Footsteps crunched on the gravel of the path, moving closer and closer. “Yo,” a voice called out.

“Relax,” Pauly said, “It’s just PJ.”

A moment later, PJ came into view. “We gotta go. Boss got a call out to a different location,” he said, stopping for a moment when he saw me standing there.

I took a step back, away from all three of them, and then another step, and another. Steven must have noticed because he rushed over, holding my hand again. He squeezed once. “We’ll go now, okay? Promise.”

I didn’t believe him.

“Payment, asshole,” Pauly said, and the weed and coke must have started affecting Steven because he laughed.

“You got it, man.” He released my hand to reach into his pocket then pulled out his wallet, and then he froze, his eyes focused on the content.

“You gotta be kidding me,” Pauly said, but there was amusement in his words.

“I swear I had a twenty,” Steven whispered.

My stomach dropped to the floor, and my voice shook when I said, “You gave it to me.”

“Fuck.” Steven looked up at Pauly. “You know I’m good, man. I’ll hit you up next time.”

Pauly sighed, shaking his head from side to side. Slowly, he reached behind him.

A tiny squeal escaped me when his gun came into view.

“Whoa!” Steven moved in front of me. “I’ll get you the money. Jesus Christ, put that shit away!”

“You got five minutes,” Pauly clipped, his voice even.

Steven grabbed my hand again.

Pauly laughed once, pointing the gun at me. “She stays. Collateral.”

My heart thumped hard against my chest.

“I’m not leaving without her,” Steven said.

Pauly lifted the gun higher.

“Just go,” I told Steven. “Be quick.”

“No. I’m not—”

“Go!” I was pissed. At him. At myself. At the entire goddamn world. “Just go,” I repeated, and made up my mind that I’d rather be on the streets doing everything I could to avoid shit like this. There was no fucking way I’d be going anywhere with him after this.

Steven turned to me, placing a hand on my shoulder and bending down so we were eye to eye. “I’ll be back.”