“Better than f**king my hand,” he said bluntly. “I’ve never pretended to be somethin’ I’m not, babe. I’m not gonna settle down. I don’t want to commit. I love my life the way it is. Most guys feel the same way—the difference between them and me is I’ll never lie to you about it.”

“That’s why this is such a huge mistake,” I told him, wishing it could be different. I hurt, and not just from frustrated desire. I’d always known this about him, but hearing him say it so bluntly … that got to me. “I should go downstairs right now and we’ll forget it ever happened.”

But my hand kept sliding up and down his cock, reaching up and catching on the metal as I found his pre-come, using it to ease my way back down. His fingers kept moving on my clit, rolling it as a shiver tore through me. My inner muscles clenched and I knew I had to be dripping wet by now.

“We’ll stop soon,” he said, rubbing his nose along mine oh-so-slowly. “Just one more taste.”

Ruger’s lips parted mine again, tongue plunging deep, filling my mouth the way I wanted him to fill my body. It was hard to focus on all the sensations—Ruger’s hungry kiss, his fingers gliding along my clit. His hard c**k in my hand, pulsing as those two metal balls taunted me. All of it blended into one big ball of aching, burning need. Then his fingers moved faster and I gave up everything but my own pleasure.

Tension built in me as he pulled his mouth free, tugging up my shirt. The cup of my bra came down and his mouth took my breast, sucking it in deep and hard, flicking the peak with his tongue. The hard metal tormented my nipple, the contrast between solid steel and hot flesh destroying my ability to think. Ruger’s powerful body surrounded me. His fingers played me and I couldn’t do anything but fall back into the incredible intensity of his touch on my clit.

I was close now, panting harshly.

Ruger’s mouth still held my nipple trapped. He caught the other in his fingers, tugging and jerking everything all together. I whimpered, so close I could taste it but needing just a little more to go over the edge. Then he stopped teasing and pushed down against my clit, rough and demanding. My hips convulsed as I came, twisting on the counter shamelessly. Ruger covered my mouth with his once more, kissing me softly as the tremors ran through me, leaving me limp in his arms.

Then he lifted his head, meeting my eyes.

The hunger in his face was intense, more than I’d ever seen on a man. I’d stopped stroking him in the thick of things, but I still held his cock. He’d gotten thicker, and now I pumped his length hard. His fluid coated everything and my fingers slipped across his pierced head as he arched in my hand. We stayed like that, locking gazes, as I worked him faster and faster. After a minute his face darkened and his breath quickened.

Then he reached between us, pushing down his jeans and pulling his c**k fully free, hand covering mine. He started jerking our joined hands up and down together, much rougher than I’d do on my own. The heel of my hand caught his pierced head each time, and he growled, primal and hungry.

“Let me f**k you, Sophie,” Ruger gasped, his voice full of pain. I shook my head, closing my eyes because I didn’t want him to see how close I was to giving in.

“No,” I said, almost crying because it hurt so bad to say it. “I’m not going to screw you and then watch you with other women. I can’t do it. I know myself, Ruger. Unless you can tell me right here, right now that you want to seriously try to make something together, I can’t sleep with you. Let me finish this and then it’s over.”

He caught my hand, squeezing it tight around his c**k and closed his eyes, shuddering. Then he pulled my hand away with visible pain and twisted it behind my back, jerking my body forward into his, transforming me from lover to prisoner so casually it terrified me.

“There’s no lie here,” Ruger said, voice grating. His face flushed dark red and his chest heaved, eyes burning. Every part of him was rock hard, from his chest crushing my br**sts to the naked c**k pressed into my belly. “No manipulation between us. It is what it is. But I’ll give you the ride of your life, Soph. That I guarantee.”

“The ride of my life?” I asked, the words hitting me like cold water, breaking through my fog of stupidity.

Holy hell. What was I doing?

I’d lost my f**king mind.

Ruger might be a great uncle, but I couldn’t trust him for shit with my body, let alone my heart.

“Zach already gave me the ride of my life, Ruger,” I said, making every word count. “I learned my lesson from him. Sex is short and it changes everything. That’s something men like you can’t begin to understand.”

He jerked away from me, mouth tight and eyes hard, glaring at me.

“Jesus Christ, you’re a bitch.”

“I’m not a bitch,” I replied, and it took everything I had to keep my voice steady. “I’m a mother. I can’t afford to play games with you, Ruger. You’ll break me, and that will break Noah.”

“Un-fucking-believable,” he muttered, slamming his hand next to me on the counter. I jumped, almost scared as he reached down to tuck himself back into his pants, visibly pained. He refused to step away or allow me any kind of escape, taking my shoulders in his big hands with a jerk.

“Nothin’ is changed,” he said, eyes burning with anger and frustrated need. My breath caught—Ruger had always been scary … But because there’s something wrong with me, seeing him this angry turned me on, too. He leached the common sense right out of my body. “You go to that party, you keep your hands off. That’s a f**kin’ order. No flirtin’, no makin’ out, no touchin’, nothin’. These aren’t Boy Scouts, and they won’t be happy if you start something you don’t plan to finish. You’re off bounds. We clear?”

“Crystal,” I whispered. “I understand you completely.”

“Thank f**k for that,” he muttered, letting me go and stepping back. Finally. I took a deep breath, dizzy with relief. He ran a hand across his hair, glaring a hole through me. “Now get your ass out of my house. Go for a car ride, go shopping, whatever the f**k you want, but don’t come back until you’ve picked Noah up from school. I’ll be gone by then.”

“Where are you going?”

“You seriously think that’s any of your business?” he asked, raising his brows. “Because we aren’t f**k buddies, you aren’t my old lady, and I sure as f**k don’t remember puttin’ you in charge of my life.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” I said. But you don’t get to control me, either, I thought, way too chicken to say it out loud. “And I’m sorry. You aren’t anything like Zach. I know that. But this isn’t just about us, it’s about Noah. He’s not losing another home because we can’t keep our pants on, Ruger.”

“Have I ever done anything—anything—to hurt that child?” he asked.

“I don’t think you’d do it on purpose.”

“Get the f**k out before I change my mind, Sophie. Jesus.”

I got the f**k out.

KIMBER: No f**king way!!!!! Ur f**king with me!!!!!! His dick in ur hand and u still said NO?!??

ME: I wish it was a joke. It happened, tho

KIMBER: Part of me thinks u made a lucky escape … Rest of me thinkgs u shud have f**ked him

ME: That would make it all worse. You told me to stay awy from him, rmemember?

KIMBER: Um, it’s worse already, dumbass, u blew it. Ur screwed and there’s no out. Sex is just the symptom. This is about u guys being all twisted up with each other. He wants u way more than I thought

ME: No shit

KIMBER: U are so dens. This morning was gamechanger. Remember—I kno him. He’s not like this with other women. I take back what I said about it being a bad idea. U should have sex. Mite as well get the fun if ur paying the price—it’s already f**ked up past the point of no return

ME: Thats the truth. Weirder every day. Harder every time I see him

KIMBER: HARDER!!!!! Love it <-;

ME: Perv

KIMBER: Ur just jealous of my pervy deliciousness. So I think maybe he WANTS u. Like, to keep

ME: Like a pet? I’m not a kitten

KIMBER: I WILL make pu**y jokes if u don’t pull your head out of ur ass. Serosly. Think about it

ME: Hate you. Even if he wnats me, he’s stil gonna f**k around. Deal breaker

KIMBER: I know … We need a plan. We also need margaritas. Cures everythng. Come over tonight?

ME: Um, Im meeitng the girls from the club tonite. My place

KIMBER: What time

ME: 7

KIMBER: I’ll bring mix and booze. Make sure u have ice

ME: Um …

KIMBER: Easier if u just give in now Soph. I’m coming over to figure this out. Rugers gonna f**k u sooner or later, so it’s time to decide how to make him play nice. We can talk and then I’ll tell u what to do

ME: I think he’s got dibs on telling me what to do! Bossy ass**le

KIMBER: Ha!

ME: Bitch

KIMBER: You love me. See you tonight <3

My eyeballs were going to explode.

Or maybe just pop out of my head?

I’d never tasted anything quite like the flaming shot prepared by my new best friend, Em. I nearly snorted it out my nose, but managed to hold on to token dignity as my throat ignited and my eyes watered. The circle of women around the deck table burst out cackling like a bunch of witches, so I flipped all of them off.

They laughed louder.

My morning encounter with Ruger might’ve been bizarre and tense and frustrating as all hell, but the evening had shaped up nicely. Four lady Reapers had arrived a little after seven—Maggs, Em, Marie, and Dancer. They brought pizza, beer, and a bunch of those tiny bottles of hard liquor, the kind you get on airplanes. I’d been a little overwhelmed at first, trying to keep everyone straight, but by now I’d figured them out.

Maggs was Bolt’s old lady, and he was in prison. She looked very normal for a woman with a man in jail, and not “old” at all. I didn’t think much of this whole “old lady” business, but the Reaper girls seemed to use it with pride. Maggs had shaggy, shoulder-length blonde hair full of wild curls. She was petite and perky and had such an infectious smile you couldn’t help but smile back at her.

I really, really wanted to ask why her man was locked up, but managed to keep my mouth shut for once.

Dancer was tall and elegant, with bronzed skin and long, straight hair. Had to be part Indian, I decided. Coeur d’Alene Tribe? I didn’t want to ask, but it seemed likely, since she’d grown up here. She was married to a guy called Bam Bam, and Horse was her half brother, born right after her mother married his father when she was two years old. Em was young, probably younger than me. She had the most amazing sky-blue eyes with dark rings around the edges of her irises. She was about my height and had brown hair pulled back in a messy bun. She was Picnic’s daughter, whoever he was.

The last of the old ladies was Marie, a short girl with lots of long, brown, wavy hair and a bright, bubbly personality. She was with Horse, which I found hard to picture. He was huge—you’d think he’d break her or something. She wore an unusual engagement ring, a blue stone surrounded by sparkling diamonds. Apparently the wedding was at the end of the month. The big, intense biker I’d met in Seattle hardly seemed like the type to get hitched, but he was obviously ready to sign on the dotted line for Marie.

She made it clear I was invited to the wedding and her bachelorette party, the likes of which would put the Reaper men to shame.

Attendance was not optional.

When they’d rung the front doorbell on arrival, it was the first time I’d come back upstairs to see the ruins of the kitchen and living room. Surprisingly, Ruger had cleaned up quite a bit since that morning. The place didn’t shine like before, but the bottles were gone and he’d put the love seat back on the floor. The women came through the door in a wave, all hugs and smiles and bags of food and drink. I showed them downstairs and introduced them to Noah, who’d spent the afternoon picking wildflowers in honor of our dinner together. My grubby little boy melted them instantly, of course.

“I have a son who’s a year older than you and another who’s a year younger,” Dancer told him. “Maybe you can meet them sometime.”

“Do they have Skylanders?” Noah asked, never shy. “If they have Skylanders, we should play at your house. Otherwise they should come here, because I want to show them the pond.”

“Um, I’ll talk to your mom and get it figured out,” Dancer said.

Noah shrugged and took off outside again. He wasn’t one for wasting time on useless conversation.

The only awkward moment was when Kimber arrived, shortly after I put Noah to bed. She marched down the stairs smiling brightly, but when they saw her, Maggs and Dancer got funny looks on their faces. Whatever they knew about her, Em and Marie clearly weren’t aware of it.

“Hi, I’m Kimber,” my friend said, setting a blender on the counter. She surveyed the room and crossed her arms, planting herself firmly. “Let’s get this over with. I used to work at The Line and I screwed Ruger and a lot of other guys. Mostly customers, but a few from the club. Anything else we need to talk about, or does that about cover it?”

“Holy crap,” Em said, eyes wide. “You make a hell of an entrance.”

“It would’ve been better if I could carry the vodka and mix with me in one trip with the blender,” Kimber replied seriously. “Now—you girls into huckleberry margaritas? I’m kind of a margarita artist, or so I’ve heard. We can hang out and have a great time and drink together if you like. Or you can take turns calling me a whore, which is a lot less fun for all of us, but still doable. Either way, I’m not leaving, so let’s process and move on.”