“I should have called the police that night, instead of Chris. If it wasn’t for that, he would never have caught the eye of that gang and his whole life would have been different.” I was lost in my memories and thoughts. I’d lived with this regret for years and it had been stirred when Chris was murdered. It almost suffocated me some days. I was convinced it would never let me out of its grip.

Nitro’s jaw clenched. “Regret is a bitch, Vegas. A motherfucking bitch.” He spat his words out as if he couldn’t get rid of them fast enough. Like they twisted in his gut and he needed them out to ease that pain.

“Who scares you?” I whispered, my heart beating wildly again. Nitro wasn’t a man who I thought would scare easily, if at all. When he’d thrown that question out there, I knew it was because someone did.

His chest rose and fell hard and fast. “My uncle had this man who did most of his training for him. Joseph would find the soldiers and then William would beat them into submission. He was ex-army and specialised in torture. He programmed us to respond to him with fear.” He stared at me while he talked, almost vacantly, and I could see how much his memories consumed him. How much they still owned him.

And then it hit me.

“Did you see William today?”

His heavy breaths filled the silence. He nodded. “I thought I was done with all that. Thought they had no control over me anymore. Turns out I was wrong about all of it.”

He let me go and I quickly reached for him, managing to hook my hand around his neck, stopping him from moving away from me. “But you fought back today?” His wounds told me that much.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t count for fucking much if simply being in William’s presence causes me to lose my shit.” His face contorted. “I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think straight. I almost fucking threw up.” His voice was ragged, and I read all the things he wasn’t saying in between what he was saying. My strong man cracked that day and he couldn’t make sense of it.

I knew there was nothing I could say that would make this any better. No words would ease his torment. So I simply held my hand out to him and when he took it, I led him to my bedroom.

Lifting his shirt over his head, I pressed my mouth to his chest. He’d taken punches all over his body from what I could see, so my kisses were a whisper across his skin in an effort not to hurt him further. Though there was no wild abandon, my passion simmered deep.

Moving down his body, I undid the button on his jeans and lowered the zip. He hissed as I removed his pants. A moment later, he pulled me back up so our faces were close.

Running his finger down between my breasts, he said, “This looks good on you.”

I glanced down at his shirt I wore. “Yeah, it does. I’m keeping it.”

“Yeah, you should.” He took it off and threw it on the floor. “But you shouldn’t wear it often,” he added while he flicked my bra undone and removed it, too. His mouth closed over my breast and he sucked my nipple between his lips.

I loved the sight of Nitro’s head bent so he could suck and lick my breasts. Running my fingers through his hair, I moaned as he worked his way across to my other nipple. His tender touch was in stark contrast to his fury that I craved. But this other side of him was a side I could love just as much.

He growled deeply as his arms circled my body and he lifted me.

“Wait,” I said, concerned. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself any more than you already are.”

“Wrap your legs around me, because I’m going to fuck you, even if it kills me.”

I did what he said because one look at his determined expression told me he meant every word. Once my legs were around him, he walked me to the bed and placed me on it. He then slid his hands up my legs, hooked his fingers into my panties and pulled them off.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he rasped as he straddled me. His attention was completely on my body, and his gaze lingered on every inch of me. His hands and mouth moved over my skin slowly, as if he was making art on me. He seemed spellbound and in turn, I was too, because this wasn’t the Nitro I knew. And it stunned me that he could be like this, especially after the violent beating he’d taken.

Fucking Nitro was usually like diving into a raging ocean. The beautiful frenzy of it both exhausted and calmed me. I’d never experienced anything like it in my life. Sex had become more than just a physical act with him. Even though it could be furious and brutal, I knew we both used it as a way of dealing with our darkness. It soothed us. If only for that time we were joined as one, we breathed a little easier.

But the way he caressed me was a whole other thing. I’d never been touched like I was priceless and precious before, and that was how Nitro was touching me. It soothed me in a way I’d never imagined possible.

He surrounded me with care.

He wrapped me in devotion.

He breathed life into me.

When Nitro finally entered me, he’d found his fury again, and he fucked me with that rough energy I hungered for. We were a storm and serenity all rolled into one. But it was the storm we both needed the most.

 

 

39

 

 

Nitro

 

 

“The Pretender” by The Foo Fighters

 

I watched King as he entered the room. He’d called Church unexpectedly, and that always meant he had something to tell us. Something was going down, and I was on edge.

His eyes met mine before he spoke. I didn’t like what I saw there.

Apprehension.

Regret.

Determination.

Tearing his gaze from mine, he looked around the room. His body was rigid as fuck and when he finally announced his news, I understood why.

“We’re not buying guns off Sutherland. We’ll be proceeding with the deal Joseph Lockwood brought to us.”

It was a fucking kick in the gut. The tension I’d been carrying for months finally threatened to snap and I shoved my chair back and stood.

“Why?” I thundered, unable to hold my anger back.

King turned to me. There was no anger there, no glare, nothing. Just a shitload of unspoken apologies. “I don’t trust Dragon. We might be in bed with him over this Gambarro shit, but I don’t want to rely on Sutherland if Dragon’s in his ear. Fuck knows what could happen down the track after we’re finished with Gambarro. Better to build a relationship with another supplier now.”