Once I was sure of my safety, I collapsed onto the couch. My heart beat faster as I remembered the events of the previous night.

The biker.

His hands on me.

His fingers inside me.

The beating he gave me while he got off.

His cum on my ass.

Disgust prickled my skin while the memories came at me relentlessly. I wrapped my arms around my body, needing to feel like I was capable of consoling myself. There was no one else there to hug me; I had to look after myself.

I’d been stupid to go to that hotel room. I knew that, but nothing would have kept me from it. That man murdered my brother. My twin. The one person who loved me to the moon and back, no questions asked.

I shivered as the cold winter air blanketed me. Trying to block the memories, I closed my eyes.

I was so tired.

And my body hurt like a bitch.

I had to be strong; I always was. But in that moment, I clung to the tiny amount of strength I had left. It would be so easy to surrender to the pain, the grief and the exhaustion.

Tears wet my cheeks and for once, I allowed them to.

I didn’t hold them back and I didn’t deny the sadness swallowing me.

But I only gave myself that moment to feel it. And once I’d let the memories, thoughts and emotions roll through me, I wiped those tears away and sat up straight. Dwelling in the shit of life wasn’t productive. Either you checked out or you checked in, and I chose the latter. Which meant I had places to be and people to see.

This life isn’t for the weak, Tatum.

You made your bed and now you need to lie in it.

Time to get to work.

 

 

7

 

 

Nitro

 

 

“Bring Down The City” by Massive

 

“You made it clear to her not to open her mouth?” King asked when I arrived at the clubhouse later that morning. I’d found him at the bar and had pulled up a seat next to him to discuss Tatum.

“Yeah. She’s not gonna talk, King.” I didn’t know what Tatum was messed up with, but I’d wager a bet she was almost as deep in shit as we were. Working for Billy guaranteed it. She’d be dead the minute she so much as parted her lips, and it wouldn’t be us pulling the trigger.

He nodded as he swept his gaze around the clubhouse bar. The boys had started arriving for Church, and I knew King was keeping track of everyone because he made a point to always know who was in the clubhouse at all times. “Lotta shit going down, so I need you to stay on top of her. First sign of trouble, you deal with it.” Turning his attention back to me, he said, “I just got word that Silver Hell paid a visit to Eric Bones early this morning.”

“And?” We’d expected that.

“They trashed one of his clubs and roughed him and some of his girls up. I need you and Devil to check in on him after Church, and make sure he’s still on board. Max and Calvin have signalled their support, and Kick’s checking in with Stu. Bones, though, is the one I’m unsure of.”

“Will do.” We had some of the most powerful men in Sydney behind us and I’d make sure Bones didn’t forget where his support was best put.

King’s attention shifted to Brittany behind the bar. She placed two drinks in front of us. “Rum is the best way to start a day, don’t you think?”

King didn’t hesitate. He drained his glass in two gulps. “Today, it’s the only way.” He nodded at mine. “Drink up, brother, we’ve got Church to get through.”

I watched as he left, and then threw back some rum. Gritting my teeth as it went down, I eyed Brittany. She watched me with a concerned look. “What?”

“King’s on edge. I’ve never seen him like that before,” she said.

I drank the rest of the rum and stood. Handing her the glass, I said, “King’s always on edge. He usually just hides it better.”

She leaned across the bar. “Shit’s getting a little too real around here, Nitro. I’m not sure I can hang around much longer.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Why?”

She ran her fingers through her hair. “Someone slashed my tyres yesterday. That’s three things now that they’ve done to try to scare me, and it’s working. I know you said the club would keep me safe, but I’m worried.” Her voice wobbled as she looked at me with wide eyes full of fear.

I stared at her. She had no grit and we didn’t need any weak links. People like Brittany only put everyone else at risk. “We’ll find someone to replace you.”

She frowned. “I didn’t mean I wanted out completely. Maybe I could just take some time off while you guys sort it out.”

“No.”

Her lips flattened. “So just like that you’ll replace me? After everything I’ve done for the club, you’ll just send me on my way without a backwards glance?”

“Everything you’ve done for the club? You poured beers and ran the bar, which you were paid for.”

“I did way more than just make drinks and you know it,” she snapped.

“What the fuck else did you do, Brittany? Suck some dick and try to fuck your way onto the back of a bike? That was your choice.”

Her face scrunched up in anger. “You’re an asshole, you know that? I can’t believe I thought that underneath it all, you had some good inside of you.”

My body tensed, my own anger surfacing. I should have known better than to fuck someone who was so close to my daily life. “I can have someone here to replace you in an hour. You want me to make that call?”

She flinched. And then, straightening her shoulders, she said, “No, I’ll finish out this week and then I’ll leave.”

I rested my hand on the bar and leaned towards her. “No, you’ll finish up today. We’ll pay you for the week, but you won’t step foot inside this clubhouse after today.”

As I walked away from her, I eyed Kick entering the building. When he reached me, I said, “We need to replace Brittany. Today. You got anyone?”

He nodded, always a yes man. “I can find someone.”

“And organise for Jacko to pay Brittany for the week.”

“What’s going on? Jacko’s gonna ask why, so I need to know what to tell him.” He was right. Our treasurer never paid bills without verifying them first.