I study him, brows knitted together.

He looks up. “Tulips, they… they were what Kevin delivered to Denise accidentally… that… that’s why…” he trails off.

I understand what he’s saying.

“Why are you telling me this?” I ask him.

“Because, you’re it now,” he shrugs. “You’re everything to her.”

I nod my head once, thanking him, before closing the door.

I make my way to the bedroom, and she’s sitting up. She sees the flowers in my hand and her eyes widen for a second before understanding dawns.

“From James?”

“Yeah,” I sigh, handing them to her. “But from now on, they’ll only ever be from me.”

I kiss her on the temple before jumping in the shower.

Chapter 43

*Mikayla*

We spent most of last night writing things on note cards to put in Emily’s birthday box. Some things were goofy and funny, and some things were heartfelt and real.

Jake put a few of his own in, he wouldn’t let me see what was on them.

Now we’re at the cemetery. It’s the first time we’ve been here since the funeral. I know I should visit more but it just hurts.

Jake gives me a kiss on the temple then walks back to the truck, giving me a few minutes alone with her.

I feel a little strange talking to no one, so I just place the box on her headstone and sit with her for a bit.

Before I leave, I take out the letter I wrote when Jake had fallen asleep and slip it into the box.

***

Dear Emily,

First off, I love you, and miss you so much. You would have been 10 today. I guess it’s a little hard to write about things you’ve done, like we used to do, so I guess I’ll just write about what we would talk about if you were still around.

I don’t know how things work, but I’m sure you know now about James and Megan, and don’t worry, I’m okay.

Emily, I met a boy, and I fell in love. So deeply in love, it hurts. His name is Jake, he’s super cute, and you would have loved him. You all would have. Dad already kind of did.

He is absolutely everything the books tell you that boys should be. And if you were still here today, I would tell you, that in your future, do not settle for anything less than the Jake Andrews of the world. Because they exist, and not just in fairytales.

I have new friends too. You would love Heidi, she loves Justin Bieber almost as much as you do. They all care about me. Like, truly care about me. They were there for me when no one else was.

It hurts to know that you’ll never have the feelings or experiences everyone should have. Like when you fall in love for the first time, or have your heart broken. You’ll never have a first kiss or the butterflies of your first date. The first time a guy holds your hand, or holds you in his arms. You’ll never know the feeling of telling someone you love them, or them telling you.

The worst thing, is that you’ll never know the feeling of falling. Falling so in love with someone, and I don’t mean love, I mean Love Love. The Mom and Dad love. The love that’s so instant and intense and easy and it feels like all the worlds forces collide and fate gives you a push and you’re there, in front of the person who’s part of you. Like, the world spins and your heart explodes and you want nothing else at all in the entire universe, as long as you can be with that one person all the time, and when you’re not, you just think about that person until your mind is consumed and it’s almost like you’re suffocating and drowning but in a good way, because it’s your love that’s all around you.

God, I can’t even begin to tell you… I just wish that you could have felt it too.

So that when you found your Jake Andrews, you would know.

You would know what it felt like to stand in front of your forever.

- Kayla

***

*Jake*

Emily, if you’re half the person your sister is, I would have loved you too.

You’re super cute. I would have had to work with your dad to beat off all of the guys in your future.

My sister Julie says that you’re one of the funniest people she’s ever met. That’s saying a lot, considering she knows me. Ha Ha.

1D are SO much better than J. Biebs.

Don’t worry about her at all. I promise to take care of her always. She’s my everything. And I love her so so much. Love, your future Brother In Law (fingers crossed).

***

*Mikayla*

“So, is there anything else you guys did for her birthday?” Jake asks, as he turns the keys in the ignition and waits for the truck to warm up.

“Not really, I mean… Megan… we used to take her for ice cream, and then the family dinner where we’d do the box reveal.”

“So, ice cream then?” He smiles at me, pulling me closer to him on the seat and kissing my temple.

I smile and nod.

***

“Do you miss her? Not Emily, I mean, Megan? Do you think about her?” Jake pays for our ice cream and we sit down in a booth.

I think for a second. “Yeah, you know what? I really do. I mean we were best friends since like, fifth grade. I always thought that losing her would be like losing a limb. I think eventually I would have forgiven her, like I have James. But I don’t think I could now, I mean, where the hell has she been? Not one phone call, no texts, Facebook, email, nothing. Even when my family died. Nothing.”

“Did you ask James? I mean, about her, why she wasn’t there?” he asks.