“Let me do this for you.”

“No, I’ll call a cab.”

The stare he gives me tells me he doesn’t believe me.

I huff. “I promise, okay? I’ll call one right now and spend money on a ride that will take twice as long as me walking home for free. I promise.”

He studies me for a beat too long, making sure I’m telling the truth. Giving a satisfied nod, he agrees. “Fine, but text me when you make it home. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Caleb, you’re leaving?” Zoe pouts, crossing her arms over her chest. “We were doing shots.”

“No more shots, you drunkard. Help D get you ladies home, and maybe grab a coffee.”

“I was celebrating!” She throws her arms up and does a little dance. “Because the douchebag is gone!”

He snorts and lifts a brow my way. “Douchebag, huh?”

I shrug. “Her drunk words, not my sober ones.”

“Call a cab?”

“Promise.”

He gives me a wave and hurries off to gather his own drunk friends and head home.

I reach into my purse to pull my phone out. I go to move my wallet out of the—HOLY FUCK.

Where is my wallet?!

“Shit! No, no, no!”

“Shots, shots, shots!” Zoe chants.

“No! No more shots! My wallet was stolen.”

“Here,” she says, digging into her purse. “Money.”

She hands me two one-dollar bills, and I want to laugh and strangle her all at once. I know for a fact that’s all the money she has because we both only carry our ID, a flimsy wallet, and forty bucks in cash when we go out.

“Thanks, Zoe. You’re a lifesaver,” I say sarcastically. She misses that part and beams at me, holding two thumbs up.

“You got it, dude.”

I groan and pull my phone out of my back pocket, thankful it wasn’t stolen too. Who to call… Who to call…

Caleb!

I spin around on the stool and search the bar for my ex. He’s nowhere to be found.

Great.

I turn back around and eye Zoe, who’s now passed out on the bar top.

“You’re a mess, Zoe,” I tell her sleeping form. “What in the hell are we going to do?”

My phone buzzes.

Zach: You still doing okay?

* * *

Me: No. Everything is shit.

* * *

Zach: What? Why? Did something happen?

* * *

Me: My wallet was stolen. I was about to call a cab because I promised a friend I would, but I think I’ll have to walk home with my drunk roomie now.

* * *

Zach: You are not walking. No. It’s too late.

* * *

Me: It’s only a few blocks away. It’ll suck trying to force Zoe to walk straight for that long, but I’ll be fine.

* * *

Zach: NO.

* * *

Zach: Where are you?

* * *

Me: Why? How do we know we even live in the same state?

* * *

Zach: Area codes. We aren’t that far from one another.

* * *

Me: No way? I never even thought to investigate.

* * *

Zach: Yep. Now, where are you?

* * *

Me: Lola’s in Wildwood.

* * *

Zach: Give me five minutes.

The noise of the bar comes back full force as I pull my attention from Zach. I reach over to brush back the hair lying over Zoe’s face and shake my head at her.

“Only you go out to celebrate your friend and get drunk off your ass. You’re lucky I adore you.”

My phone shakes on the bar and I quickly snatch it up, unlocking the screen to read the message.

Zach: A cabbie will be there in five minutes. He’ll help you get your roommate in the car. The fare and tip are all taken care of. If he doesn’t arrive, call me and I’ll handle it.

* * *

Me: Zach…

* * *

Zach: Delia…

* * *

Me: You didn’t have to do that!

* * *

Zach: Are you kidding me? Yes, I did. I wasn’t going to let you sit there with all the wild drunks during the thirty or so minutes it’d take me to drive there, so I went with the next best option.

* * *

Me: You’d have driven all the way here just to take me home?

* * *

Zach: In a damn heartbeat.

Five

Me: I fell asleep thinking of you.

* * *

Zach: Please tell me we’re about to sext.

* * *

Me: The moment I woke up, I ran my hand down my chest between my bountiful breasts. I slowly dragged it across my flat stomach, goose bumps rising along my skin at the touch. It wasn’t until I was right at the opening of my white cotton panties that I decided I wasn’t going to touch myself because WE ARE NOT SEXTING, YOU PERVERT.

* * *

Zach: I hate you so much right now.

* * *

Zach: I HAD A SOLID BONER GOING

* * *

Me: Did you really?

* * *

Zach: What do you expect? I’m a man, dammit! We like titties and goose bumps and white cotton panties and sex. YOU ARE EVIL.

* * *

Zach: Can we still sext later?

* * *

Me: NO!

* * *

Me: Maybe.

* * *

Me: We’ll see.

* * *

Zach: Really?!

* * *

Me: OMG NO!

* * *

Me: ;-)

* * *

Zach: I am so confused, yet still slightly turned on.

* * *

Me: Please stop telling me about your boner.

* * *

Zach: I will never not tell you about my boner. That’s not the kind of friendship I want.

* * *

Me: You’re so weird.

* * *

Zach: And…

* * *

Me: *rolls eyes* And I like it. I LIKE IT, OKAY?!

* * *

Zach: I know you do.

* * *

Me: UGH!

* * *

Me: FYI, I’m not sexting you. Ever.

* * *

Zach: But I’m REALLY cute…

* * *

Me: Oh puh-lease. Every rando on the other side of the screen will say that shit. You need to prove it.

* * *

Zach: Geez, Delia, if you wanted a picture of me, all you had to do was ask.

* * *

Me: I don’t want a picture because I’m not sexting you.

* * *

Zach: I’m sending you a picture anyway.

* * *

Zach: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

I’m scared as hell to push the download button—I mean, it could be a dick pic or something. I don’t think Zach is a douchebag, but you never know.

Screw it.

I bite my lip as I watch the circle spin and the image comes through.

“Awww!”

Me: YOU SENT ME A PICTURE OF A SMILING GOAT!

* * *

Me: You’re officially my favorite person ever.

* * *

Zach: Told you I was cute. ;-)

* * *

Me: How did you know they were my weakness?

* * *

Me: Also, will you please buy me one?

* * *

Zach: 1. EVERYONE loves smiling baby goats. That’s just science. 2. No.

* * *

Me: Rebuttal… 1. Excellent point. 2. I think you spelled yes wrong. Y-E-S.

* * *

Zach: N-O.

* * *

Me: I knitted you a damn PENIS POTHOLDER. Least you could do to repay me for my kindness is to buy me a baby goat. Don’t be a jerk, Zach. No one likes those.

* * *

Zach: Speaking of those potholders…when am I getting those? We live close. We could always meet…

* * *

Me: You think you’re so slick.

* * *

Zach: Aren’t I?

* * *

Me: No.

* * *

Zach: Well?

* * *

Me: I’ll consider it, but later. I still have to ensure you’re not a creeper.

* * *

Zach: You’ll knit a man potholders but won’t give them to him? Who’s the jerk now?

* * *

Me: Buy me that baby goat and we have a deal.

* * *

Zach: You play a tough hand, Delia.

* * *

Me: Question is, will you win this round, or will I?

Zach: I just thought of something.

* * *

Me: Congratulations!

* * *

Zach: We should “accidentally” meet up and you can “accidentally” give me those potholders.

* * *

Me: Using quotes doesn’t make your scheme not a scheme. Cheater!

* * *

Zach: Well, I never…

* * *

Me: Nice try, bucko.

* * *

Zach: I’ll break you down eventually. I WILL be the winner of this battle.

* * *

Me: Yeah, yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it.

Zach: I’m sending you a picture. It is NOT a dick pick. Also, DO NOT FUCKING JUDGE ME. Okay?

* * *

Me: First, thank you for not sending me pictures of your wiener. I appreciate it. Second, we’ll see. Third, IT IS SIX AM ON A SUNDAY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? GO TO SLEEP.

* * *

Zach: Oh shit! Did I wake you?

* * *

Me: No. Yes…but also no. I can’t sleep.

* * *

Zach: Well you’re going to be UP after you see this. ;-)

* * *

Me: Did you just try to make a boner joke and forget I can’t get boners because I HAVE A VAGINA?

* * *

Zach: It’s early. Stop judging me!

* * *

Zach: You ready?

* * *

Me: As I’ll ever be.

* * *

Zach: DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

* * *

Me: WHERE IN THE HELL DID YOU FIND THAT?!

* * *

Zach: The flea market. They sell them there.

* * *

Me: YOU BOUGHT ME A SMILING BABY GOAT?

* * *

Zach: No, I bought ME a smiling baby goat.

* * *

Me: So…you bought me one?