She tried to murmur, “Wow,” but only a choked sound came out.

“Isn’t it incredible?” Julian asked, his voice growing more excited as she rifled through the clothes. “I’m finally going to look like a grown-up. A really expensively dressed grown-up. Do you have any idea how much all this stuff cost them? Just guess.”

She didn’t have to guess; she could tell by looking at the quality and sheer quantity of merchandise that Sony had laid out no less than ten thousand dollars. Still, she didn’t want to ruin it for Julian.

“I don’t know, two thousand? Maybe three? It’s craziness!” she said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

He laughed. “I know, that’s probably what I would’ve guessed too. Eighteen grand. Can you even believe it? Eighteen fucking grand on clothes.”

She rubbed one of the cashmere sweaters between her palms. “Are you okay with them changing your look, though? Do you mind that you’ll be wearing completely different stuff?”

She held her breath while he seemed to think about this for a moment.

“Nah, I can’t be like that,” he said. “Time to move on, you know? The old uniform worked for a while, but I’m starting fresh. I’ve got to embrace the new look, and hopefully with it the new career will come. I have to say, I’m kinda surprised myself, but I’m totally on board with it.” He smiled devilishly. “Besides, if you’ve gotta do it, better do it right, you know? So, how happy are you?”

She forced another smile. “So happy. It’s just awesome that they’re willing to invest in you like this.”

He yanked off his old, pilled cap and put on the white fedora with a chambray band. He jumped up to look in the hallway mirror and turned a few times, admiring himself from different angles. “So what’s your news?” he called out. “If I remember correctly, I’m not the only one around here with a surprise tonight.”

She smiled to herself, a sad smile despite the fact that no one could see her. “It’s nothing,” she called back, hoping her voice sounded cheerier than she felt.

“Oh come on, there was something you wanted to show me, wasn’t there?”

She folded her hands in her lap and stared at the overflowing suitcase. “Nothing quite as exciting as this, sweetie. Let’s enjoy this now and I’ll keep my surprise for another night.”

He walked over to her, fedora and all, and kissed her on the cheek. “Sounds good, Rookie. I’m going to unpack all my new loot. Wanna help?” He began dragging everything toward the bedroom.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” she called, praying he wouldn’t notice the shopping bags in the closet.

He came back to the living room a moment later and sat next to her on the couch. “Are you sure everything’s okay, baby? Is anything wrong?”

She smiled again and shook her head, willing the lump in her throat to go away. “Everything’s great,” she lied, squeezing his hand. “Nothing’s wrong at all.”

8

My Weak Heart Can’t Handle Another Threesome

“IS it wrong I’m dreading this?” Brooke asked as she turned onto Randy and Michelle’s street.

“We really haven’t seen them in a while,” Julian mumbled, furiously typing on his phone.

“No, the party. I’m dreading the party. All those people from my childhood, each of them interrogating us about our lives and telling me all about their children’s lives, every one of which I used to be friends with but who have now gone on to out-accomplish me in every imaginable way.”

“I guarantee none of their kids married as well as you did.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him smiling.

“Hah! I might have agreed with you before I ran into Sasha Phillips’s mother in the city six months ago. Sasha was the queen bee of sixth grade, the one who could get everyone to gang up on you with a single flick of her snap bracelet and who, incidentally, had the scrunchiest socks and the whitest-ever leather Keds.”

“Is this going somewhere?”

“So before I can take cover, I see Sasha’s mother at Century 21, in the housewares department.”

“Brooke . . .”

“And she corners me right between the shower curtains and the towels and starts bragging that Sasha is now married to a guy who’s being ‘groomed’ to be someone ‘very influential’ in a well-known Italian ‘business family,’ wink, wink. How this guy—this real catch—could have any woman on earth, and he was just smitten with her gorgeous Sasha. Who, by the way, is now the stepmother to his four children. She’s bragging! The woman was so skilled, I actually left there feeling badly that you weren’t in the mob and didn’t have a handful of children from a previous wife.”

He laughed. “You never told me that.”

“I didn’t want to put your life at risk.”

“We’ll get through this together. Some appetizers, some dinner, a toast, and then we’re out. Okay?”

“If you say so.” She pulled into the driveway of Randy’s condo, number 88, and immediately noticed that his highly worshipped two-seater Nissan 350Z was nowhere to be seen. She was about to say something to Julian about it, but his phone rang for the thousandth time in the last two hours, and he had already climbed out of the car.

“I’ll come back for our bags, okay?” she called out to him, but he was at the end of the driveway, the handset pressed to his ear, nodding furiously. “Okay, great then,” she mumbled to herself and headed to the front door. She was about to walk up the stairs when Randy flung it open, rushed out, and enveloped her in a hug. “Hey, Rookie! So good to see you guys. Michelle’s coming out now. Where’s Julian?”

“On the phone. Let me tell you, T-Mobile is not going to be happy they offered an unlimited plan when they see his bill.”

They both watched as Julian smiled, pocketed his phone, and walked back to their open trunk.

“You need some help with those bags?” Randy called out.

“Nah, I’m fine,” Julian called, swinging both over his shoulder with ease. “You’re looking good, man. Lost weight?”

Randy patted his ample-but-maybe-slightly-less-ample belly. “The old lady’s got me on a strict diet,” he said with unmistakable pride. Brooke wouldn’t have believed it a year ago, but Randy was obviously thrilled to have an adult relationship, a supposedly furnished home, and a baby on the way.