Pretty fucking painful—at least for me.

“Oh, God.” She sounds like she’s going to come and I increase my pace, my hips slamming against hers as I furiously rub her clit. My movements are clumsy, I’m losing all finesse as I chase after both her orgasm and mine and when she goes completely still beneath me, her head thrown back as her eyes close, I know she’s found it.

I watch her come, feel the squeeze and release of her pussy milking my cock and that’s it. I’m coming too with a shuddery groan, pressing myself inside her as deep as I can go as the orgasm wrenches everything out of me.

Being with her, listening to her, watching her, feeling her, wrenches everything out of me. I collapse on top of her, my breathing ragged, the occasional shudder still wracking my body. She runs her hands up and down my back in a comforting motion as she slowly kisses my neck.

I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I could stop time. I don’t want this to end.

Ever.

Four weeks later…

“You’re at your apartment?” Mama answers the phone in greeting.

I roll my eyes and flop backwards onto my bed. My brand new mattress feels like a fluffy cloud though the pillows kind of suck. They’re too hard. “Hi to you too.”

Mama heaves an irritated sigh. Since the moment I left home she’s called and texted constantly—and I’ve only been gone for two days. I appreciate her concern. Really I do. But it also makes me crazy. She’s so overprotective. I know she’s having a hard time letting go of her baby girl but I also think she needs independence from me. She’s young, and now that I’m gone, she can go out and do what she wants. She’s not even forty and she hasn’t been on a date in I don’t know how long.

She deserves a life too. Just like I do. I think it’s finally time we both seek it.

“I’m sorry,” I say softly. “Yes, I’m at the apartment. My bed was delivered this morning. It’s so nice and I bought really soft sheets with a matching comforter. Thank you again.” She bought the mattress for the new apartment though I insisted I could take my old mattress with me when I moved. She said I deserved something new and refused to listen when I said it was unnecessary.

I’ve learned over the years sometimes it’s best to just let things go.

“I’m so glad you like it,” Mama says. “How’s your roommate? Have you talked to her much?”

“Yes, she’s very nice but she hasn’t been around. Her boyfriend is here with her and they’ve been spending a lot of time together before he has to go off to school.” As in, I’ve heard them in her room the last two nights, going at it like lovesick wildcats. Making me ache and yearn for something I can’t have anymore.

More like someone I can’t have anymore. And who says I can’t find another guy at school who I’ll want to bang me like a lovesick wildcat?

And why do I keep referencing lovesick wildcats? Who does that?

Though as I suspected, Gabe has set the bar high when it comes to other men. As in I can’t stop thinking about him. We’ve texted a few times since he first left but he hasn’t been very responsive the last two weeks. I think he’s trying to sever all ties, which I totally get. There’s no point in carrying on. We’ve gone our separate ways. The moment I left Santa Barbara, though, it was a relief. I needed to get away from that house and the memories Gabe and I created.

It was a great summer. I made a lot of money with an easy job, I made a new friend and I lost my virginity to the sexiest guy in the universe. I have no reason to complain.

None.

That I have to keep reminding myself of this fact is sort of pitiful.

“Hmmm, so she’s having a boy at the apartment with just the two of you there? How inappropriate,” Mama says, dragging me out of my Gabe-filled thoughts.

I almost say something in protest but decide not to. It’s like she lives in the dark ages. I just think she’s so overprotective of me she can’t help herself but sometimes it’s annoying. Especially when I’m a twenty-one year old woman who’s fully capable of taking care of herself, lone dude in the house with two supposed vulnerable females in the house or not.

“It’s fine, Mama. They’re madly in love so what’s the harm?”

“The harm is that he could ruin her life with one reckless decision.”

Mama didn’t need to remind me what decision she’s talking about. “Not everyone goes out, has sex and immediately gets knocked up.”

“I know that. Like you, mija. You’re a good girl. You don’t date any boys and don’t let them touch you either.” She sounds so reassured and confident I almost want to laugh.

I also almost want to throw up. The guilt that hits me is pretty powerful. If she only knew exactly how many times I let Gabe touch me. The variety of ways. The endless sex we had those last thirty-six hours or so we were together. My thighs were sore for days after that particular adventure. He used me in the best possible way.

And I enjoyed every single minute of it.

“Listen, I’m tired.” I throw in a long, drawn out yawn for good measure. “And I should get going. Get a good night’s rest. I start classes tomorrow morning.”

“Are you excited?”

The cold ball of dread in my stomach reminds me of my exact mood. “I’m scared.”

“Don’t be scared. You’ll be fabulous. I know you’ll do well, you always have. You’re such a smart girl, my darling. Just pay attention in class and listen to everything they have to say,” she reminds me.

I almost roll my eyes again but restrain myself. “Love you, Mama.”

“Love you too, sweetie. Take care and call me tomorrow! Let me know how everything goes.”

I make my promises and end the call just as I hear the front door of the apartment open. I venture out slowly, peeking my head around my bedroom door before I head out into the hallway. I don’t hear the deep male voice of my new roommate Gina’s boyfriend so I assume she’s alone.

When I find her curled up on the couch she brought with her when she moved in crying her eyes out, I follow my natural instincts and go to her, giving her a gentle hug. “Are you okay?”

She shakes her head, her thick brown hair brushing against my face. Gina’s tall and statuesque and beautiful. She also seems to have money—at least more money than me—and from what I’ve seen in the extremely short amount of time we’ve lived together, she wears amazing clothes and shoes and she has a necklace with the word love formed in a gold pendant. She’s nothing like me but that’s okay. The whole part of being in college is meeting new and different people.

Gina finally speaks. “My boyfriend left, drove back with my parents to L.A. He’s hopping a plane early tomorrow morning to go to his new college. I-I’ll p-probably never see him a-again,” she stutters right before she starts wailing in earnest.

I tighten my arms around her almost awkwardly, not sure of what to say. “It’ll be all right.”

She lifts her tear-stained face to stare at me. “He’ll find someone else.”

“No he won’t. Why would he,” I say vehemently. “You’re beautiful.”

“So?” She shrugs, looking hopeless. “He’s going to school with a bunch of other beautiful girls. Tons of beautiful girls he’s never seen before and he’s gorgeous. They’ll all want him. We’ve been together since high school. Being away from me, he could find someone new in an instant.”