She ends the call and sets her phone on the table, staring into space.

“Char?” I wave a hand in front of her face.

She snaps out of whatever trance she’s in. “Huh?”

“To swing or not to swing?”

“Oh, right. Darren says no; he doesn’t think it’s true.”

“But he doesn’t know for sure?”

“You can never be a hundred percent on anything, but he’s been playing with the guy for a long time, so he’s pretty confident.”

“Okay. That’s good. I’m still not sure I want to go to the spa with Bunny. I kind of like that my face moves.”

“Good point. Anyway, Alex is doing better?”

“Physically for sure. He’s still uncomfortable, but the bruises are healing, and he’s not walking like he belongs in an old folks’ home, so that’s a plus. He doesn’t really like needing to be taken care of, though. He gets frustrated.”

“He’s not really one to sit around and veg—none of those boys are. I know Darren’s missing his workout partner.”

“Yeah, so am I.”

“I didn’t know you worked out with Alex.”

“That’s not the kind of workout I’m talking about.”

Understanding dawns in her eyes. She looks around and lowers her voice when she asks, “Are things not good in beaverland? Is Daisy making that a challenge?”

“Daisy’s not really the problem.” I push the food around on my plate.

“Oh my God, did he pull a groin muscle or something? I know it was a hard hit. Why didn’t you say anything before now?”

“He didn’t pull a groin muscle. Super MC still works fine. It has more to do with Alex’s level of frustration than anything. He’s used to having a lot of stamina, and at the moment, well, he doesn’t, so I have to do all the work. Anyway, it’s good that I’ve been doing all that yoga with Sunny, ’cause my legs are getting a serious workout. Sex makes my abs hurt.”

“Right?” Charlene exclaims. “Some days it feels like I’ve done a P90X workout after a night with Darren.”

“Especially after away games. Sunny should come up with some kind of pre-sex yoga ritual so I don’t walk like a robot for three days afterward.” I’m joking about it, because otherwise I’m at risk of crying. I’m all over the place today with the emotions.

“Agreed.”

We’re silent for a minute—Charlene probably because she’s thinking about all the sex she’s been having and will be having tonight, and me because I’m thinking about all the sex I’m missing. Well, it’s not that the sex is missing, it’s that Alex isn’t in the right condition to bang on the beaver the way he usually does.

While I enjoy how sweet he can be, and how considerate he is during sex, I miss some of the intensity and aggression. But I know it will return.

“Honestly, Char, I can deal with the temporary lack of hot sexing. Mostly I’m glad he’s okay. It could’ve been so much worse.”

“But we know he’ll be fine.”

“That’s what the doctors are saying anyway.” The retrograde amnesia persists, with the hours surrounding the accident still missing, but otherwise he seems okay. I push my plate away. I’m so overwhelmed. Because fine is relative. Goddamnit. The tears start leaking out.

“Vi? Are you okay?”

I take a few deep breaths, trying to get myself under control. “I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not.”

“It’s been a rough couple of weeks. I just…I don’t know. I mean, now I have this account, and that’s awesome, but it’s going to be a lot of work, and right now all I can think about is being with Alex—and how much worse the accident could’ve been. He’s getting better, but he’s still a long ways from being totally fine. What if he’d had a serious brain injury? What if—” I can’t finish the sentence.

Charlene puts her hand over mine. “But he didn’t, and he’s okay. He’s going to be fine. You have to believe the doctors. It just takes time.”

“I know. But that’s this time. There’s no guarantee it won’t happen again.”

“Try not to think that way, Vi.”

I stare at my plate. “But it’s the reality of this profession. Bad things can happen.”

Char squeezes my hand tightly. “So what does that mean?”

“All I can really think about is how I don’t ever want to lose him.” I feel the wave building inside me. I’ve been holding it together decently since Alex came home from the hospital, but today it seems I’m due for a breakdown. A tear drops onto my sticky rice. “I love this job, but I’m starting to realize the nine-to-five isn’t something I’m going to be able to keep up over the long term. And I don’t think I’ll want to. So I need to figure out what’s realistic and adjust my plans.”

Charlene sits back, contemplating. “You’ve been thinking about this a lot.”

“I have.”

“I also think you should consider how stressed out you’ve been. Alex’s accident, the Darcy account, it’s a lot for anyone to handle.”

I set my fork down, my appetite gone—which is sad, because the food here is awesome. “I know, but it’s made me reevaluate what’s important.”