“Uh, no.”

“I swear. I didn't look.” He laughs. “Well, not too much, anyway.”

“I love you, seriously. You're still my hero.”

“Yeah, I know. You told me that about a million times too.”

“I owe you.”

“Naw. That was me paying you back because my brother was an asshole. We’re even, okay?”

“Okay. Riley?”

“Yeah?”

“Don't ever let me do that again.”

Have fun, no strings.

Ceramics.

I should skip ceramics, but I don’t.

I drop my bag down on the table I share with Bryce and Jake. Neither of them is here yet. Maybe I’ll get lucky and they’ll both be sick.

But I’m not lucky today.

Bryce strolls into the room with Jake right behind him.

Shit.

What am I supposed to say? Do I apologize for puking on him? Or should I pretend I was so drunk that I don’t remember. I mean, really, I don’t actually remember that part. I could try to giggle and flirt with them. Go with the I-was-so-drunk routine that always seemed to excuse all the things Vanessa had done the night before.

Or maybe I’ll go with how I feel. The poor-pathetic-feel-sorry-for-me-because-my-boyfriend-dumped-me-so-I-got-drunk route. And the best part of that route is I won’t even have to act. It’s just the truth.

Bryce pats me on the back. “How we feeling, there, slugger? Remember kissing me last night?”

I keep my head down and groan slightly. That way I don’t have to look at them directly.

Jake bumps my side with his hip.

I look up at him then cover my face with my hand.

He says, “So . . . last night was, um, interesting.”

“I’m told I may have puked on you. I’m very sorry and extremely embarrassed.”

He pulls my hand off my face and smiles at me. “That’s kinda my fault. You told me you didn’t feel good. But I was pretty drunk and having too much fun.”

“Hopefully that means you don’t remember some of the things I may have said.”

His blushes a little. “Oh, that I do remember. Revenge sex. Revenge sex. Let’s have revenge sex. You’re lucky I’m a nice guy.”

“I didn’t want you to be a nice guy last night. Why were you?”

“Umm, well, me and Dawes are friends. And it’s cool we stayed friends even though I was dating Whitney. Kissing you was one thing, but sex would’ve been another.”

“The whole bros before hoes thing, huh?”

“Well, you’re my friend too. And you were drunk. You never get drunk. You always have fun and party, but you always seem like you know when to stop—before it gets ugly.”

“I like to get tipsy, but I don’t like that out of control drunk feeling, and I hate being hung over.”

“You a little hung over today?” He laughs at me.

“What do you think?”

“So last night was just about getting back at Dawson?”

“No. I mean, maybe, kinda. Plus, I decided I just want to have fun. No strings. Strings do nothing but get you hurt.” I sigh. A really big sigh.

Jake leans his arm on the table next to me and puts his fist under his chin. “You don’t really seem like that type of girl.”

“I never have been, but it makes sense.”

“You’re a good kisser.”

“From what I remember, you are too. I heard when things didn’t work out with Whitney and Dawson that she said she wanted you back.”

“She did. And she was pissed I was kissing you. But what she did to both of us pretty much sucked. So, I don’t really care.”

“Do you want her back?”

“Not at all. Can I tell you a secret?”

“Yeah.”

“This weekend, Maggie and I talked in the library for a really long time. You know, about you and Dawson. About Whitney. She is really nice. And really pretty. And making out with you was a whole lot of fun. I’m thinking I just want to be single.”

Bryce asks, “So you gonna get back together with Dawson? He’s miserable.”

“I don’t know. Right now it just hurts. He promised me that he didn’t care about her anymore. So, no matter what he says now I’m not going to believe him.”

“I’m glad you showed me the texts.”

Bryce interrupts. “Plus, we got the video, so, ya know, some good came out of it.”

“Everyone saw the video, didn’t they? The video of me acting like a slut.” I put my face back down in my hands and mutter, “I hate boys.”

“Better not hate me,” Jake says.

“Better never date me then.”

I was happy with you.

Lunch.

I sit down at a table all by myself. I don’t want company today. I want to wallow in aloneness.

This is the kind of day when you wish you could stay home from school and pretend to be sick. I suppose I could’ve pretended to be sick. Maybe I still can.

Dawson sits down next to me. “We need to talk, Keatie. Seriously.”

I take a bite of the calorie-laden fried chicken strips that I got for lunch today. They taste disgusting. “I’m really not in the mood to talk right now.”

“When, then? After school? Please, Keatie?”

“Dawson, you don’t even get it, do you? Do you know how embarrassing this is for me? I was going to take you home to meet my parents. You swore that you loved me and that you were over her. I have never felt so embarrassed of my decisions in my life.”

“Jeez, I know, okay. How would you feel if your surfer dude did that to you? He was your first love. What would you have done if he had said he wanted you back?”

“He did. Remember? You were with me. I told him I was happy with my boyfriend. That I was happy with you.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.” He runs his hands back through his gorgeous dark hair. I try not to notice how his muscles flex or how sexy a gesture I’ve always thought it was. “Look, I’m so, so, incredibly sorry. I got caught up in it. It was like I wanted it for so long, and then when she finally wanted me, I just, I thought I needed to see. But what I realized is you are what makes me the me I am now. I’m so much happier with you than I ever was with her.”

I get tears in my eyes. “Yeah, but not happy enough to tell her no. Not happy enough to go with me. What you did sucked. It hurt. And I’m not over it. Sorry. You chose the path. I’m just trying to deal with it. And I really would like to sit alone.” I change my mind and stand up quickly. “Never mind. You stay. I’m leaving.”

He grabs my arm. “You kissed Dallas and Bryce last night. You made out with Jake. You gave him a lap dance in front of me. Told him you wanted to have revenge sex.”

“Yeah, I did. It was fun. Single girls can do that. And I know you kissed Whitney this weekend.”

“No. She kissed me. Only once. She said we had to see if it felt the same, but it didn’t. I’m not the same guy I used to be. I don’t fit with her anymore. I fit with you. I love you, Keatie. Please, give me another chance.”

“I can’t do this right now, Dawson. Seriously, I can’t. I feel like shit. And I don’t want to start crying in the middle of the café. Please, I’m embarrassed enough by all of this as it is.”

“You were drunk last night.”

“No shit.”

“Tonight. We’re going to talk.”

“I don’t know what else there is to say.”

“I’ll think of something,” he says, as I walk away.

Seal off.

French

I leave the cafeteria and go into the bathroom and cry. Then I clean up my mascara and go to French class early.

Aiden walks in early too.

“Hey,” he says, giving me a god-like smile and taking his usual seat behind me.

I don’t reply. I just give him a S’up head nod and then lay my pounding head down on my desk.

Apparently, his godly smile has no effect on a hangover.

I feel a tap on my back. I roll my eyes and turn around. “What?” I say exasperatedly. I don’t want to talk to him, or anyone else, for that matter.

He smiles at me and says, “Are you mad at me?”

“Are you happy that Dawson and I broke up?”

“Well, yeah, but I have my own reasons for that.”

“That sucks, Aiden. Because I’m hurt and if you had even a remote desire to be my friend, you wouldn’t want to see me hurt.”

He winces. Like what I just said hurt him.

God, I’m being a bitch. I’m taking my frustration out on him instead of Dawson.

I’m getting ready to tell him that I’m sorry when he reaches out and hands me a little star.

I take it in my hand and look at it. It’s one of the glow in the dark ones from his ceiling.

From his failed attempt to get the dream girl to go to Homecoming with him.

And that does make me mad.

I toss it back at him in disgust. “Why would I want this?”

He catches the star and lowers his head just a little. “I just thought, um, you said they remind you of your sisters and how you miss them. I just thought . . .”

“I don’t need the leftovers from your failed attempt at asking your dream girl to Homecoming,” I snarl.

“You're crabby today,” he states.

“No shit.”

“You probably shouldn't have drunk so much last night.”

I hold my hand behind my head, flash him my middle finger, and say, “Seal off, Aiden,” as Annie sits down.

She gives me an adorable look. The kind of look that makes me know she’s on my side.

She leans over and says to me, “Girls’ night tonight?”

“Abso-fricken-lutely.”

My life has gone to shit.

3pm

As I’m about to walk into the dance locker room, Whitney grabs me by the arm. “We need to talk.”

“Talk about what? I’m not talking to you.”

She looks around to make sure no one is near and admits, “I’m sorry, okay. He looked happy with you. I was jealous. Wished things could just go back to the way they used to be.”

She gets tears in her eyes. “What you did at Homecoming. In front of my family. No one has ever stood up for me like that. Since I broke up with Dawson, my life has gone to shit.”

“That happened to me too,” I confide in her. “Last spring, I broke up with my perfect boyfriend. Except he wasn’t perfect, and I wasn’t happy. But I wish I could take it back, because since then, my life has gone to shit too.”

“Your life has gone to shit? Everything you do here turns to freaking gold.”

“I’m just trying to have fun. I don’t want to be involved in all the drama.”

“Do you think we could ever be friends? Dawson and I were never the way you are with him. We kissed. I made him. Told him that we needed to see.” She dabs a tear from the inside corner of her eye. “But you changed him.”

“No, you changed him, Whitney, when you broke up with him for reasons that had nothing to do with love. You broke his heart. Sometimes people just can’t get over that.”

She looks at the ground. “Yeah, I know,” she says quietly and I know she’s thinking about when Camden broke her heart all those years ago. “You should forgive him. It was all my fault.”

“Actually, it’s not all your fault. He could have told you no. And if he really loved me like he said, he would have.”

“I feel bad. I don’t usually feel bad about this kind of stuff.”

“I’m pretty sure I feel worse, but thanks. It makes me feel so much better to know that your breaking us up was for nothing.”

She puts her bitch face back on. “You made out with Jake last night.”

I stand up straight. “And there’s nothing wrong with that. Jake and I are both single. Because of you.”

Peyton walks up to us. “Keatyn, are you okay?”

I shake my head at her and quickly walk into the dance locker room.

Because I am not okay.

A peace offering.

6pm

I’m walking back to my dorm room, looking forward to having a girls’ night when I get a group text from Annie.

Annie: Hey! We’re all going to meet in my room tonight. My roommate has a swim meet, so we’ll have the place to ourselves.

Me: I just want to go back to my room. Can’t we do it in my and Katie’s room like we planned?

Annie: No. You need a change of scenery. And I already ordered in food, have wine, and copious amounts of chocolate and junk food.

Katie: Yeah, can’t we just do it in our room?

Me: PLEASE??

Annie: Are you REALLY going to ask me to move ALL of what I’ve set up?

I feel bad. Shit.

Katie: No, we won’t. We’ll all be there.

Me: I’m going to stop, change clothes, and wash my face. I’ll be there in a few :)

Annie: Good :)

I get to Annie’s room and curl up on her bed. She sits on the bed, pulls me into a hug, and then hands me a piece of chocolate. “Here, eat this. It will make you feel better.”

I look at what she handed me. A little purple foil wrapped square. The word Bliss written on it.

I hear Aiden’s voice in my head. Vos lèvres sont mon béatitude.

I unwrap the candy, pop it in my mouth, and let the chocolate slowly melt. It really does taste like bliss.

“That’s really good, Annie. Thanks for doing all this.”

She brings three pizza boxes down to the center of her floor and hands out paper plates.