“Not yet.”

In the dark, I can just make out his silhouette underneath me, reigniting the desire inside me. Then again, is it ever really gone when he’s around? His fingertips curl around the edge of my bra, and there’s no hint of hesitation as he tugs it swiftly downward, forcing my breasts to spill over the now-useless cups. My skin doesn’t get a chance to register the feeling of being free before they’re suddenly enveloped in by his hot, wet mouth.

“Seth!” I gasp as my body begins to tremble.

His hands grasp my shoulder blades and he yanks me roughly toward him, forcing my tits even closer to his face. My back arches sharply and I moan toward the ceiling as my head falls limply. I can feel his arousal pressing against my ass cheek and I shiver at the thought of it entering me again.

He bucks his hips, rolling me off of him and him onto me. His mouth nips at my bottom lip, before slipping his tongue in. His hands glide up my sides, grabbing my wrists and pinning them above my head. My breathing gets instantly shallow as his wet tongue traces my jaw and my neck. It runs across my collar bone and I shiver at the line of tingles it leaves in its wake. Right now, I’m in heaven and loving every second of it. Seth makes me feel wanted, beautiful and a million other things. Lust is the obvious call, but it’s so much more than that. It’s love. I know it is. I’ve loved him for a while, I just had no idea how to describe it or if it even was love, but now I know it is. I’m certain. I’m the kind of certain that makes people swear on their children’s lives or bet entire college funds on a hand in poker. I’ve never felt anything so strong and it’s love—actual love. Heart wrenching, stomach churning, toe curling love.

I’ve been completely consumed by him and I didn’t even know it.

Chapter Seventeen

Long frissons of nervous energy tear through me as Seth bounces on his toes in front of me. I’m beyond anxious—unable to experience one specific emotion. It’s all mashed together—excitement. Nervousness. Frustration. Anticipation. His brown eyes fall onto me and I can see the anxiousness in his face. He doesn’t like that I wasn’t in his room before the fight and neither do I. I want to know what he’s thinking. I want to help ease him. The thick layer of Vaseline glistens on his eyebrow and I pray to God that it helps. Seth and I are so caught up in our own little world we don’t even realize his opponent, Joshua Donskov, tearing toward the ring with an angry stomp. He’s a big boy—a very big boy and not just tall, but wide, too. His short, blond curls bounce on the top of his head and I trap my hands between my knees to prevent myself from chewing my nails. Beside me, there’s an empty seat. It’s meant to be Dad’s. What I wouldn’t give to have him and Selena here with me. As I finish the thought, a large frame drops into the seat next to me, but I pay no attention to it. At least, not until Seth’s eyes narrow in on whomever it is. I slowly turn my head and I’m actually not that surprised to see Don’s annoying mug smiling back at Seth. Don appears worse off than Seth does. Don has a split lip and a cut in the middle of his nose that’s held together with butterfly stitches. I look at Darryl and Jackson. They’re rigid and they glance anxiously between the two fighters. Darryl leans over and calls through the wire to Seth.

“I didn’t see you leave Seth’s room. I was worried I’d driven a wedge between you two last night.”

I swallow my nerves. “Yeah, you look real beaten up about it.”

His thick, jean clad leg leans against my bare skin and I feel like I’ve dipped my feet into a box of baby spiders and now they’re running up my leg. I shiver and lean away from him.

“Come on.” He laughs. “I’m not that bad. I did let your little boyfriend continue in the tournament. You should be on your knees, thanking me.”

I cringe, but don’t respond to him. I’m not going to fuel the fire between Seth and Don. Seth flexes his fingers, balling them into fists and relaxing them again. I nod my head at him, assuring him not to worry about me. He rolls his shoulders back and focuses on Josh. Josh keeps his eyes fixated on Seth, not taking his eyes of him for a second. The announcer is rattling off a bunch of sponsors but I can’t hear him. I’m too busy focusing on Seth and ignoring Don’s presence.

“If you’re here to distract him, it’s not going to work.” I mutter, pulling my dress down to cover my knees. Don rests an arm on the back of my chair, his index finger brushing along my shoulder and I lean forward to get away from him.

“Let’s do this.” The referee calls.

Once the match begins, it’s easier to ignore Don and I trap my hands between my knees again, keeping my eyes peeled. I can’t look away, not this time. Seth’s hands are up, covering his face—especially his eyebrow. Josh comes in hard and fast and Seth manages to block most of the punches. The body shots, however, he couldn’t avoid unless he wanted to expose the cut on his eyebrow.

“It’s a shame about his eyebrow. That’s gotta’ be a little inconvenient, especially when going up against a brawler. With them there’s no real technique, you see. All they do is punch.”

Seth and Josh bounce around the ring, punching and punching. I flinch in my seat every time Josh lands a hit. He knows Seth has a busted brow and he’s really trying to get him to drop his guard. Seth kicks Josh’s legs out from underneath him and dives onto him. He begins to pound his face into the floor of the ring. Josh’s hands are up and he’s trying to protect his face. In my pocket my phone buzzes and I really don’t want to answer it, not now, but I can’t ignore it. Last time it was serious. I pull it from my pocket and look at the screen—a private number. I bring it to my ear, blocking the other with my index finger. “Hello?”

“Hello, is Olivia James there please.”

My chest tightens. “Speaking.”

“Miss James... my name is Doctor Monica Falen.” My heart stops. “You’re father was brought in this evening after suffering a second heart attack... I’m sorry, but there was nothing we could do.”

It doesn’t register with me. I don’t understand what she’s trying to say. “What do you mean?” I ask, hoping I misheard her. Don leans closer to say something to me, but I press my palm to his face to shut him up.

“You’re father has passed on.”

I stare straight ahead not seeing anything. The crowd is going crazy, but they seem muffled to me.

“Miss James?”

I drop my hand into my lap. I think I’m going to be sick. My phone is clenched tightly in my hand as I leap out of my seat and squeeze through the crowd. I need to get out of here. I have no idea where I’m going, but I follow an aisle blindly until I’m stopped by a group of security guards. I show them my pass and they let me through. It’s sinking in now and my heart squeezes in my chest. I quickly dart down the corridor wildly, unsure of where to go. I turn left, then right, then another left. I can hear distant rumble of a bloodthirsty crowd. Their footsteps hammer against the roof above me. I see Seth’s name on a door and I dive through it, closing it behind me with a thud. I don’t want to be in here, but I have nowhere else to go. I stumble to the far wall and push my body against its cold concrete. I slide to the ground, my arms closing tightly against my chest as the first waves of anguish hit me. Choked sobs wrack my chest as tears pour over the brim of my eyes. I don’t even try to hold back my tears while my chest heaves. I cover my mouth with both of my hands and bring my knees up to my chest. I’m in Boston. I need to be in Portland. I’m not even startled as the door flies open, slamming against the concrete. I don’t look as Seth shouts for his team to leave us alone. I feel his damp, warm hands touch my shoulders and I lift my face from my hand to look at his face. His eyebrow is bleeding and there’s a fresh cut on his bottom lip. His lips are moving, but I don’t know what he’s saying.

“Olivia,” He says again and I can hear his strained, worried voice. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Did he hurt you?”

I shake my head. “It’s dad... he’s—” I can’t finish the sentence and bury my head back into the palms of my hands.

“I’m so, so sorry, O.” He whispers. His soft lips brush the top of my head. I take in a gasp of air as I try to control my sobs. His hands curl around my own, pulling them away from my face. I angle my head. I don’t want him to look at me. I can only imagine how puffy my eyes are or how smudged my make-up must be. The tips of his finger curl underneath my chin, forcing me to look at him. He looks down at me with a sorrowful expression that screams how helpless he feels and he tugs me into him, cradling me in his arms as I cry against his already wet chest. The tip of his thumb strokes my cheek, wiping away my tears.

“Did you win?” I ask him, sniffling.

All he does is nod.

“I-I need to go home.”

“Of course. I’ll take you.”

I shake my head. “Can you call Selena and ask her to come and get me?” Seth opens his mouth to protest me, but I cut in. “I want to be with my mom...”

His brows furrow, but he doesn’t fight me. He knows how Mom feels about him and now is not the time to rub ‘us’ in her face. Not to mention Seth needs to be in Boston training with his team and preparing for Las Vegas. He doesn’t need this distraction. “Okay. I’ll call Selena, but let me take you to the hotel first.”

He pulls me in tighter as he rises to his feet. I feel heavy, but Seth carries me without a strain. I keep my face buried into his neck to avoid people’s eyes when we’re outside of the room. I can hear people talk and whisper—they’re probably staring too. I cling harder to Seth and his thumb strokes my lower back. I hear Darryl and Jackson ask Seth what’s wrong with me and he only shakes his head. Darryl and Jackson help clear everybody out of our way and it feels like an eternity later that we reach the car. Seth pushes me into the backseat and climbs in after me, pulling me back onto his lap. Tears silently fall from me and I keep my eyes shut as his lips press firmly against my head.

“I’ll drive you two back to the hotel. Darryl is going to stay and take care of the interviews.” Jackson says as he climbs into the front seat.

I rock gently as the car drives us out of the center and through the streets of Boston. Seth drops the window a little, letting cool air hit my face. It lifts strands of hair that cling to my cheeks and dries my face.

I don’t know how long we drive for, but it feels like only seconds later I’m being pulled out of the car by Seth. I wonder what the other residents are thinking, seeing Seth carry me into the hotel like this again. I’m almost certain the hotel will ban us soon. Jackson doesn’t follow us up into our room, thank God, and I open my eyes when Seth lies me down on our bed and I hear the shower start up. A few seconds later, Seth leans over me. “Will you let me take care of you before you go?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer. He scoops me up again, bringing me into the bathroom. I hate that he has to see me like this and has to care for me. He pulls the hem of my dress, tugging the fabric up over my head. He folds it and sets it nicely on the sink behind me. I watch him bleary eyed as his fingers curl around the band of my underwear and he slides them down the full length of my legs. I kick them off as they pool around my feet. Seth’s hands caress my ankles and then up the back of my calves, over my knees and up the sides of my thighs. I let out a sob, unable to suppress it and he flinches. I’m upsetting him by being so distraught, but he understands. He’s been through this before. I wonder if he had anyone to caress him when his dad died? His arms surround me and I rest my head against his chest as he unclips my bra and it falls to the floor between us. He holds me for a little while longer, letting me cry on his shoulder. Then, he ushers me toward the shower and I stand directly underneath it, letting the water cascade over my head and down the rest of my body. Seth joins me, neglecting to take off his own pants. He reaches for the body wash and lathers up his hands. I step out of the flow of water, and press the palms of my hand against the cold tiles, giving him better access to my back. He drapes my hair over one of my shoulders and slowly massages soap into my skin. I drop my head and his fingers slide up the back of my neck to my hair line. I close my eyes, trying to block out the pain, but it’s not working. The more I try the deeper it cuts.

His soapy hands run under my armpits and down my sides. My body shakes a little as I try to suppress the sobs cramping in my throat. Seth steps closer, pressing his front against my back. He stops washing to hold me and I’m glad he’s here with me. It doesn’t do much to ease the pain, but it’s helping me deal with it. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. He twists me around so I face him and his hand slides into the nape of my neck, pulling my head forward so our noses are touching. I open my eyes and his lips twitch sympathetically at me.

“It’ll get better.” He says, “I promise you.”

He kisses me softly—comfortingly. Right now, I can’t imagine it getting any better. My dad is gone. My brother and I are without a father. My mother is without a husband and what’s going to happen to the gym? A new onslaught of tears stream from my eyes and Seth presses me firmly against him. My mom is all alone right now. Who’s there to comfort her?

“Can you call Selena, please?” I sob, wiping my eyes because they sting from the running mascara. “I need to go home.”

He nods his head and I step back under the stream of water, letting it beat down on my back. Seth leaves to make the call and I feel worse without his presence. I have no reason to stop myself from completely breaking down, but thankfully I hit a ‘numb’ spot and the tears stopped flowing completely, leaving me feeling... empty.