My legs wrap around his waist and my arms curl around his shoulders as he moves us through the deep end until my back is pressed up against the side of the pool. One arm firmly around my waist, he slides his hand up to my cheek, rubbing his wet thumb back and forth under my eye. I close my eyes as he leans towards me slowly, holding my breath and waiting for that moment when his lips are against mine.

As soon as they make contact, my body catches fire. His lips are warm, wet and full and my mouth immediately opens for him. I welcome his tongue into my mouth and he slides it gently against my own. Our mouths move slowly against one another, like we’re trying to memorize every single detail of the kiss. It’s a useless act though; I’ve never forgotten anything about the way Cole kissed me. It’s burned into my brain and into my heart and, as he swirls his tongue against mine, it all comes rushing back to me: The way his kisses could heal me, the way his lips could erase every bad memory and fill my mind with nothing but him and his love for me. I don’t even realize I’m pushing the lower half of my body against him, needing more from him, until I hear him groan into my mouth and feel the hardness of his arousal between my legs. It’s too late to be embarrassed that he still has this affect on me. I’m drunk on the taste of his lips and high on the knowledge that I turn him on. I’m past the point of no return and I don’t even care. I need to feel him, I need to take him inside my body and let him erase all of the bad and replace it with good.

His hands quickly move to the hem of my scrub top under the water and I pull my lips away from his long enough to let him yank the wet, clinging material off of my body and over my head. He tosses it to the edge of the pool and it lands on the cement with a splat.

His eyes immediately go to my black lace bra, completely transparent now that it’s wet. He cups both of my breasts in his hands, massaging them and rubbing his thumbs over my hard nipples. I throw my head back against the edge of the pool as he slides one of the lace cups away and latches his lips around my nipple, sucking and tugging it into his mouth while his tongue circles around it.

My hands fly to the back of his head and I hold him in place, my hips moving faster against him, sliding myself up and down his hard length through his swim trunks. I lift my head when he suddenly moves his mouth away from me, watching as he brings a handful of water up to my breast, tipping his hand so it trickles down over my nipple. I moan when he dips his head back down and licks up every single drop of water.

“Fuck, I need you Olivia. I need you so much,” he murmurs against my breast before he gently tugs on my nipple with his teeth.

I yank his head back up to me in response, crashing my lips to his. It doesn’t even cross my mind that we’re in a public area, this pool the property of the housing complex I live in and any one of my neighbors could use their key to unlock the high, wooden privacy fence gate at any moment. Cole’s mouth on mine and his hips moving between my thighs makes me feel reckless.

His tongue pushes deeper in my mouth, claiming more of me as his hands go to the waistband of my scrubs. I untangle my legs from around his hips so he can slide them down, never once breaking the kiss. My pants are now somewhere at the bottom of the pool, but I couldn’t care less. I wind my legs back around him, pressing myself against his erection as his hands cup my ass and he moves me up and down his length. The only sounds around us are the hum of the pool filter and the water sloshing around our bodies.

I try not to groan in frustration when he pulls his mouth away from mine, pausing the kiss.

“I need to be inside you so much it hurts. Please, for the love of God, tell me you’re still on the pill,” he mutters against my lips.

His words hit me like a bucket of ice water over my head. His hands are still kneading my ass and he doesn’t realize that whatever spell was cast over us the last few minutes has vanished in the blink of an eye. He leans forward to resume the kiss but I bring my fingers up between our mouths, pressing them against his lips to stop him. He looks at me in confusion, but still kisses my fingertips before pulling his head back.

“What’s wrong, Liv? Is this too fast? Just say the word and I’ll slow it down,” he whispers with conviction.

How the hell do I tell him? How do I tell him that I’m not on birth control? I haven’t been on it in a year. There’s no reason for me to be on it anymore. Not only because I’m not sleeping with anyone, nor did I ever plan on it, but because I don’t need it.

I’ll never need it again.

“I’m sorry, Olivia, but there was just too much damage. I’m so sorry.”

The doctor’s words scream through my head and it takes every bit of strength I have not to sob at the unfairness of it all.

I untangle my legs from Cole’s waist and push myself away from him. There’s so much concern for me in his eyes and I can’t stand to see it. I don’t deserve it. I worked myself too hard and I let depression get the best of me. It’s my fault he’ll never hold his son in his arms and it’s my fault we’ll never get the opportunity to try again.

I thought I could let him take me away and make me forget, but the past will always come back to haunt you. I wanted more time to build up his strength and learn to trust him again, but that’s not in the cards.

“I was pregnant,” I blurt out, closing my eyes so I don’t have to see the look on his face. “When you left, I was pregnant.”

I don’t wait for his response. I take a deep breath and slide under the water, wishing it would swallow me up and take me away.