“Come to practice,” he says in a cool tone before his voice disappears altogether.

“Is he gone?” I whisper without looking up.

Xander keeps a hand around my head. “You should stay like this a bit more, just to make sure.”

I smile, my fingers digging into his jacket. When we were kids, he’d always invent games to make me hug him or him hug me. He said it tuned out the outside world chaos.

Seven years later, he still has that habit of manipulating his way into my arms.

“You still love hugs, Xan?”

“Only from you, Green.”

 

 

33

 

 

Kimberly

 

 

Another week passes in a blur.

Time is strange. One moment, it’s long and excruciating and the next, it’s so fast you can’t savour it.

When my therapist asks why I think I feel like it’s moving fast now, I don’t even hesitate to answer.

It’s because I have the most important people with me, and it frightens me that I’m not savouring my time with them enough.

While Mum and I still don’t address each other whenever we meet by accident in the house, everything else is different.

Dad never went back to Brussels and has taken a long leave; he’s putting in his papers to ask for a transfer to London. When I told him I was fine, he said he wasn’t, and I might have hugged him to death.

There’s also Elsa, who’s been listening to my jumbled thoughts and things I didn’t like to admit out loud, like how I hid because I thought she’d leave me the same way all those I considered friends did.

She said I’m stuck with her for life.

I also have my little happy pill, Kirian. He’s been writing poems for me. One of them says:

I don’t say this a lot.

Because I’m a big man.

Love you.

Now.

Tomorrow.

Forever.

He also took my hand and made me eat with him – small bites instead of large ones so I don’t end up in the toilet.

Lewis visited, too, and I crossed paths with him in the Knights’ household. He didn’t address our biological relationship, but he told me he’s there for me if I need him.

But above anyone else, there’s this person who’s now hugging me from behind as I snuggle between his legs. The one who kisses my body from top to bottom and tells me I’m the most exquisite thing he’s ever seen.

I’m beginning to believe him, too, because even if words can lie, the look in his eyes can’t. The way his body reacts to me, the way he hugs me definitely can’t either.

He’s just that person, the one you know you can close your eyes with and when you wake up, he’ll be there.

We’ve been going to the places where we played as kids. We’ve visited every park and every shop and goofed around with scarfs and pistachio gelato and M&M’s. I might have eaten my weight in them by now.

Being with Xander is like finally finding a missing piece of myself and slowly sewing it back in place.

I’m still trying to have him quit drinking and fighting, though. The fights have become sparse since I keep him ‘busy’ – his words, not mine. But he still sneaks alcohol into his juice and coffee. He still wakes up in the middle of the night to drink on the balcony.

Every time he returns and hugs me from behind, I bite my tongue to not start a fight.

I can’t lose him now that I’ve found him, and the alcohol is slowly but surely taking him away from me.

“Just so you know, I would rather have you underneath me right now.” His breath dances on the shell of my ear as he speaks. “Or above me. I’m not picky as long as I’m inside you.”

My face heats and I discreetly elbow him. “Stop it.”

“Or we can leave.”

“No, we agreed to this.”

“We can always change our minds.”

I shake my head. Did I mention he always tries to get what he wants whichever way he sees fit?

We agreed to watch the game with everyone else in Aiden’s house. We kind of interrupted this habit after he got together with Elsa for the same reason Xander now wants to leave. Aiden is so possessive about Elsa and her time, he doesn’t like other people around when they’re together.

Elsa said he only approved of this night because he’s having her do something later as payment for it.

Even now, he has her on his lap and his hand wrapped around her waist. He’s not watching the game. Instead, he keeps whispering things in her ear that sometimes make her blush something fierce. But most of the time, she’s an expert at keeping an indifferent expression.

Unlike me.

Ronan, Knox, Teal, and Cole are here, too. And I still can’t look the latter in the eyes without feeling flustered. I can’t get over the fact that he heard me and Xander the other time at school.

Ronan and Knox are standing and fighting like die-hard fans – for different teams. Ronan – and everyone else here – cheers for Arsenal, and Knox prefers Chelsea.

Knox doesn’t seem to be scared about being outnumbered as he threatens to end Ronan’s life.

“You’re going down, Astor.” Knox makes a motion of slicing his throat.

“Stop acting like a certain goth and admit that we’re stronger than you.”

Teal, who the jab is directed to, doesn’t even look up from her phone. Her T-shirt for the day reads, Nope. Not Today.

She’s sitting beside Cole, who’s leaning his head against his hand and watching the game with a neutral expression.

Now and then, he tells Teal something that she answers with a simple nod and no words.

Teal doesn’t care for football or the school’s hierarchy, so she can’t be here because she’s delighted by the horsemen’s company. If anything, I think she secretly dislikes all of them – except for Cole, because she speaks to him sometimes and doesn’t give him that ‘why are you talking to me’ look.

She must’ve tagged along because of Elsa and Knox. While she doesn’t show it, she’s a bit attached to them.

“Just admit it.” Knox jabs Ronan’s shoulder. “We’re stronger than you.”

“Someone should take away your delusional pills because last I checked, we’re winning.”

“We’ll turn the game.”

“And we’ll score one more and win.”

“It’s definitely your weed speaking, Astor.”

“Mais non. It’s your delusional pills.” Ronan’s gaze meets mine. “Isn’t that right, Kimmy?”

Xander motions at him with a dismissive finger. “Finish your game and don’t address her until the end of your life.”

I smile to myself. Someone is jealous. No idea why that makes me so giddy.

“Are you sure you won’t change your mind and marry me?” Ronan counts on his fingers. “I have a title, I’m rich, beautiful and don’t care about wars. I’m like the Switzerland of this world.”

Teal scoffs and says in a mocking tone, “That must be why you’re called Death.”

Cole’s lips lift in a smirk.

“What was that, ma belle?” Ronan grins with no humour.

“She’s calling you Death.” Cole is still leaning on his hand as he stares between Teal and Ronan. “Maybe you should prove it.”