“Of course.” I throw him the key.

“Yes! I don’t want Kimmy’s car.”

“Hey!” she scolds. “What’s wrong with my car, Monkey?”

“It’s not cool.” He hides behind my leg and gives her a face.

“I’m going to tickle you to death. Here comes the gorilla for the monkey.”

“Nooo!”

She starts chasing him around me while he shrieks and asks me for help.

While I would’ve under different circumstances, I just can’t seem to look away from Calvin.

He’s still there, carrying Kirian’s bag and smiling with warmth at the scene in front of me.

That man is my father. My biological one, at least. Despite all my talk earlier, it’s weird to imagine anyone but Lewis as my father.

Besides, Calvin has always been Kim’s father, and the parent she needs in her life.

Despite his absentee status, he’s always looked at his children as if they’re the only ones who matter. Not like Dad, who only looked back when his family was causing some sort of problem for his career.

Calvin’s gaze meets mine, and his smile doesn’t falter or change. It’s the same warmth, the same care.

I shake my head. I must be imagining things because I didn’t get my usual dose of alcohol.

Calvin is the last thing on my mind, and while I didn’t admit it to Dad, he’s right about how fragile Kim is during this period. We should focus on her, not on any other clusterfuck.

I pick up Kirian and he squeals with delight as I place him over my shoulders.

Kim tries to jump, but she can’t reach him. “Hey! That’s cheating.”

“Team Superman!” he shouts. “Xan, wrestle Kimmy like the other time.”

“Shut up, Kir.” She blushes, voice low.

“But you said it was special wrestling.” He stares at Calvin. “What does special wrestling mean, Dad?”

“No idea, Kir.” Calvin’s smile doesn’t change, hiding his reaction perfectly.

Fuck me. This little man will be the reason for the explosion in Kim’s cheeks.

She snatches the keys from Kirian’s hands and runs to the car. “I’ll start the car up.”

She leaves me alone with Calvin. Perfect. Not awkward at all.

He passes me Kirian’s bag and I take it from him. In the last second, he keeps it between us and says in a cool tone, “Take care of them and of yourself.”

I give a sharp nod. “Yes, sir.”

His lips curve in a smile. “Calvin’s fine.”

I smile back. “Yes, Calvin.”

 

 

32

 

 

Kimberly

 

 

Healing is a slow, painful process.

For the following week, I discover how weak I actually am. Even when Dad, Elsa, and Xander say otherwise.

I’m weak, because I still hide whenever Mum is in sight. I’m weak, because I’m scared of eating, and whenever I do, I vomit it right back up.

I’m weak, because I’m starting to think I’m a burden to everyone, even when my therapist has been trying to purge those thoughts.

Then in the midst of weakness, like now, he comes in.

Xander.

My knight, even if it’s in a different way than when we were children. He used to carry me on his back, and now, he pulls me to his side as if I’ve always belonged there.

After I return to school, he’s there every step on the way. Without saying any words, he announces to RES’s student body that I’m now his and if anyone breathes in my direction, let alone says anything, they better start preparing their funerals.

He holds my hand and kisses me in the halls as if we’ve been doing it for eternity.

He whispers things into my ears, like how much he misses me, even though I’m right there.

I’ve become so used to his presence, as if we were never separated, as if we’re picking up right where we left off seven years ago. Maybe that’s why whenever he disappears, the fog begins to slowly creep in through the cracks.

Today, I met Silver in the library, and although we didn’t speak, it brought back memories of the times where I hated myself and envied her body.

Through the years, I’ve always wondered why she grew up to be so beautiful while I became a potato. And sometimes, like now, those thoughts return with a vengeance. That’s why I’m hiding in the back garden.

Elsa’s been watching me eat my food and has been following me to the bathroom to make sure I don’t stick my finger down my throat.

Since that infamous night, I haven’t done it, but I can’t help feeling the involuntary need to puke. The doctors say it’s psychological.

Eating disorder.

Mental disorder.

Life disorder.

All I want is some solitude to collect myself and go back in there.

I’m not even three minutes in before Xan’s silhouette appears from between the trees. His blond hair is styled back and his Elites’ jacket forms to his bulging muscles. I wonder if there will ever be a day where I’ll look at him and not think he’s blindingly beautiful.

He slides beside me, and I can’t help the smile that breaks out on my lips. I might have wanted solitude, but not from him – never from him.

I let my head drop on his strong bicep. “I thought you guys had a meeting with the team manager?”

“We’re done. Or I’m done, anyway.”

“Are you still suspended?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters.” I lift my head and sniff him, and the waft of alcohol hits me, even though mint comes from his breath. “You’ve been drinking.”

“Define drinking.” He grins, but even that doesn’t charm him into my heart.

“You have a problem, Xan. You need to stop.”

“It’s all under control.”

I reach into his jacket and retrieve the small bottle of Absolut Vodka he usually keeps there. “How are you keeping it under control? You’re like an old alcoholic man.”

He inhales, then tries to snatch it away. I throw it ahead letting it smash to pieces against the asphalt.

“Why the fuck did you do that?” he snaps.

“Because you need to stop.”

“You’re starting to sound like Dad.”

“Well, maybe you should listen to him. Can’t you see that you’re poisoning yourself?”

“No, just like you’re not seeing how you’re starving yourself.”

I pull away from him.

“Fuck.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“You’re right, I didn’t see how I was starving myself. I didn’t see how I was slowly hitting rock bottom both emotionally and mentally, but I do now. And the reason I’m not eating is because I don’t want to vomit. It pushes me back to those times and I hate those times. I told Calvin and Elsa about it, though. I also asked the doctor if there are any food supplements I can use. I’m trying, Xan. I just want you to try, too. Don’t throw your life away because of some grudge against Lewis.”

He strokes my cheek and I lean into his hand, briefly closing my eyes. “It’s not only because of Dad.”