But I won’t allow myself to get sucked into that orbit. I stare out of the window at the upper-middle-class villas passing us by. “I don’t care.”

“Coach knows about the fighting and drinking and benched him,” Ronan continues, deaf to what I said.

I face him, unable to help myself. “Fighting and drinking?”

“He has an issue.” Ronan taps his fingers on the steering wheel as if he’s enjoying music that doesn’t exist.

He doesn’t go on, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s playing with me.

“So? What type of issue?”

His grin nearly splits his face open. “Told you, fighting and drinking. He used to control it before, but lately, he’s been appearing hungover and barely holding on. His face has some cuts, and there are bruises on his body. He doesn’t pay attention to practice or studies or even himself. Today, he came drunk and the captain had had enough.”

“If his dad knows, he’ll be in trouble,” I murmur to myself, then realise I said it aloud.

“Pretty sure Coach called him by now,” Ronan hums. “I think there’s talk about sending him to a closed rehab and he’ll only come back for his diploma. It’s no secret Lewis will lose his shit on him. After all, this is an election year.”

Something in my chest squeezes, tightening harder the more I ignore it.

“He brought it on himself,” I say, then change the subject to the game.

Ronan launches in on his heroic accomplishments and the decisive pass he gave to Aiden so that he scored their only goal.

As we go into the restaurant, I laugh and smile at his goofy behaviour. We even commemorate the dinner with a selfie in Ronan’s over the top style. He wraps an arm around me and tucks me to his side, kissing my cheek.

Although I’m laughing on the outside, there’s something cutting me open and slicing me to tiny pieces on the inside.

I order a salad, even though Ronan says they have diet-friendly food, but I don’t eat any of it.

My body is right here in this high-end restaurant that I shouldn’t have worn a denim skirt for. The setting has an elegant brown and white combination that gives a certain type of serenity.

Not to me.

Although I’m present, smiling at what Ronan is saying, my mind is elsewhere. I’m thinking about the theories of what Lewis could do to Xander. Ronan said it. This is an election year for him and Silver’s father. They completely disallow any type of mishaps in normal days, let alone when the campaign is so close to starting. I wonder if Silver’s disappearance for the past two days has something to do with that.

Point is, Lewis has always been as strict with Xander as Mum has been with me. That day Aunt Samantha left, and Xander went home crying for her, Lewis fixed him with a glare and told him to not cry for her.

Since then, I’ve never seen tears in Xander’s eyes.

“Earth to Kimmy.” Ronan leans over so he’s close.

“Sorry, you were saying?”

“That you should take a chance.”

“Take a chance?”

“Yup.”

I swallow my non-existent saliva. “On you?”

Despite my talk, I don’t think I can do that. As Elsa said, it really sucks to force oneself. While Ronan adds flavour to my life, he’s not my favourite flavour.

He’s not pistachio.

“No, on you.” He pinches my nose.

I pull away, confused. “On me?”

“Yes, Kimmy. You’ve been thinking about Knight all night – that wasn’t supposed to rhyme – so how about you act on it?”

“I haven’t been thinking about him all night.” Right?

“Uh-huh, come on, ma chère, c’est moi.” He wipes his mouth, then scrolls through his phone. “I think I gave him enough evidence.”

I lean sideways in an attempt to see what he’s scrolling through. “Enough evidence?”

“He was home when I hugged you earlier and…” He turns the phone to show the selfie he posted on Instagram. The caption says, New Leaf. Go Elites.

My lips part to object, but I end up saying, “I don’t think it matters.”

“It does. He wants to move on, but there’s something holding him back.”

“Something like what?”

“I thought you would know.”

“I’m not sure.” If he can’t forgive me because of what happened seven years ago, then he shouldn’t act this way.

He shouldn’t kiss me, corner me, tell me I can’t hide from him.

It’s too cruel.

Ronan raises a finger. “Let me try one last push.”

He types for a few seconds, then shows me his texts to Xander.

Ronan: Feeling cute, I want to fuck a cute girl tonight. Like Kimmy.

Ronan: Jackpot! She just said yes.

Ronan: Wish me luck. Wait, I won’t need it. Tell the school we won’t be coming for a few days.

His words don’t surprise me since I know he’s joking. What makes my chest tighten is the fact that Xander saw all his texts, but there’s no reply.

Not even currently typing.

“He’ll snap.” Ronan smiles

I wouldn’t be so sure.

“Or we can do as planned.” His grin widens. “My place? I have the best stash of weed.”

My phone vibrates, and I startle.

The moment my eyes fall on the name across the screen, my heart nearly bursts out of its confinement.

Xander: Remember when you promised you’d never leave me?

My fingers tremble as I read and re-read the message. Before I can fathom a reply, another text comes.

Xander: I free you of that promise.

 

 

15

 

 

Xander

 

 

Get your shit together. You’re not a kid anymore.

If Lewis had punched me, it probably wouldn’t have hurt like the stab of his words.

Being a politician, he has a way with them, words. He knows which to use to make you feel as if you’re the filthiest scum walking the earth. There’s no differentiation between family or strangers.

Lewis has allies and enemies. Spoiler alert, I fall on the last line.

Deep down, he’s always blamed me for Mum leaving, because I was an annoying little shit. I blamed him for never caring for her, for telling her to, ‘Get your shit together, Samantha.’

One day, she got her shit and left.

For Lewis, people are machines. One button and they run. Another button and they stop.

Too bad he has a machine of a son who runs on a different type of liquid. I pour the last drops in the vodka bottle down my throat and groan when there’s nothing.

I tap my pocket for a joint of weed I stole from Ronan’s bag. Nope, nothing.

Did I smoke it earlier?

You mean when he was hugging her and you watched like a pussy?

Yes, whoever is talking to me right now. When he was squeezing her body to his and I watched through the window. Only, I did something. I crushed the glass in my hand and came out with a cut over my palm.

I bandaged it, but the cloth is red and full of dry blood.

Just beautiful.

Or fucked up – depends on how you look at it.

Kirian trotted over the moment Kim left, saying he couldn’t sleep. I gave him just a small piece of brownie since it’s night, and we played a video game until he dozed off, and I placed him in the room down the hall from mine.